Wednesday, February 24, 2010

the heart continues to grow

I am surprised at how much a heart can love. How much of your being can be wrapped around the love you have with someone else. I know you can experience this love in many different ways. The love of a spouse or partner, the love of parent to child, child to parent, siblings, friendships and even pets. Tonight I am surprised at how much I miss hubby. It's not a normal miss, like 'see you soon' miss. It's a 'I am not a whole person in this journey', miss. And this miss started last night when we were laying in bed and I could feel his energy and how worried he was for me and how much he longed to stay with me. Giving me travel pointers "Melissa, keep your head up", "don't put your money in the same place as your credit card", "relax, don't forget to breathe".
When I was around 20 I remember talking to my Mom about marriage. I can't remember what brought the conversation to this statement but I have never forgot her words. She told me that couples that have had times of struggle together, stay together. To struggle with your spouse, to be a team and work together to either make the rent, loss of family, or just have hard times seems to make the bond between spouses stronger.
I saw her logic in this and agreed but I never really understood it until this week. I feel so connected to hubby during this process and I feel so bonded by our struggle to have a baby. It makes his leaving that much harder...

In 45 minutes it will be midnight in Brno. No food or drink for me until after the procedure. ( I never eat this late, but because there is a time frame my tummy is making noses ) The time is so close now. I felt no stress until now, because the real process starts. Now it's out of my control. There is nothing more I can do. I have to wait and wait and wait. It's up to the eggs now.. I am told to expect only 40% to survive the first 2 days of 'hatching'. Again I hear my hubby's voice "Melissa, you only need one" I am going to trying to relax, know it's out of my hands now. Know that I am on the path that is right for me and my husband and remember what will be will be and I am okay.

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