Sunday, November 21, 2010


A dream is a wish your heart makes...

Friday, November 19, 2010

She's Here!

Juliette Michelle:

Born: Monday, November 15, 2010 @ 11: 34 am

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thank You.

We are in the home stretch. Not only does the calendar say that but writing this blog and having to sit in the chair and the fact that the baby is literally putting both feet through my rib cage tells me.. ITS TIME TO BE DONE!!

Hubby asked me the other day what the blog will become after baby arrives. I told him I wasn't to sure. He suggested a 'mommy' type blog or even just a 'family' blog where our family members can see pictures and hear stories.

Maybe we just call it the misadventures of motherhood... I don't know. I think it will happen more organically, just like the beginning of the blog. Who knows if I will even have a brain to type down thoughts in the next couple of months.

I do however feel really strongly about infertility and that this blog has really helped me cope with the depression I was feeling and the loneliness that came with it. I don't see myself just waking away from it. Like, well.. I made it.. so I am out. That's not me, I am still enraged when I hear celebrity stories about their fertility and they deny using fertility treatments and act like the thought of it is so disturbing to them. (Ya, I am talking to you Mariah Carrey) I still own my struggle and feel passion towards letting the world know infertility isn't an issue to be swept under the carpet.

With that being said, I really want to take time to say Thank You. If you look at my blog you don't see a lot of people writing in the comment section. And that's okay, cause I know that the majority of people reading my blog don't know how to leave comments or don't have accounts to login in to do it. But I know people are reading. I get emails from friends and family and sometimes when they call they mention something from the blog and in my head I am thinking "I don't remember telling them that, oh they read that in the blog." This blog even connected to me to another infertile in Seattle and we were able to go on a couple lunch outings to talk about her future journey into IVF. And on the side of the blog there is a tracker and I see people reading the blog as far away as Europe.

Thank you for reading. I find a lot of comfort knowing that when I hit publish my words are being read. I feel validated.

I won't stop the blog come Monday, it feels to good to be heard, even if the person listening is a stranger.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The reality of parenthood.

I was finally struck in the head last night with what Oprah would call an 'awe ha' moment. Where reality meets you head on and you become aware of something so completely obvious.

I am going to be a parent. DUH! That's not the 'awe ha' moment. I am going to be a co-parent. That's were the light bulb went off and the immediate confusion and fear set in.

Why would I use the word 'fear' when presented with the co-parenting thought. Well, because it's the fear of the unknown. With hubby it's the two of us. Making compromises and decisions based on two people. Well, throw a monkey wrench in that because now the two of us are going to make decisions for the THREE of us!

Hubby and I talk about everything... before we got married we talked about finances, religion, jobs and family. Some people called us unromantic because we had these really un-fun, un-sexy talks about what we wanted from the marriage. But, hey.. look at all the people that get married that don't talk about that stuff. We didn't want to get into something and then down the road run into a problem and realize.. wait, I didn't know that about you or that's not how you presented yourself.

So of course we talked about how we wanted to raise a child. We agree 99.9% on things we can predict now. We aren't naive enough to think we can discuss all the issues that will arise now and be on the same page. Goodness, the teen years alone kills 90% of parents. But we are on the same team and agree with each other on the basics. And we also take into account people change and we work through those things together.

Well, last night we got to talking about something and there was a clear line in the sand. One wanted something and the other wanted something else in regards to the child. It felt like the fable where the two mom's are holding on to the arms of the child and pulling in opposite directions. Then it hit me the 'awe ha'.. ohhhhh... right now the baby is ALL mine. I mean it's living inside me, it needs me to grow, it's literally apart of me. But come Monday, I have to share.

This may sounds really odd that I would just now be thinking like this. But I think during pregnancy you become very self important. It really is all about the mom and her experience during the pregnancy. Keep the mom happy, keep her healthy all to make sure the little baby in her belly stays peaceful and happy too. Basically, I have been making all the decision thus far. Come Monday, it becomes 'our' decisions.

Hubby is an amazing husband, a great son and to top it all off adores my family. There is no question in my mind what so ever about his ability to be a fantastic father. In fact, when thinking about him being nurturing and all daddy like to our baby I seem to fall more in love with him.

So why the fear of co-parenting? Because it's new, because I am in new mommy mode where everything in the near future seems scary and foreign. But when we finished last nights conversation I was at ease. Hubby and I will always find a middle ground somewhere, we will be a united front in this parenthood battle and we remember that plenty of parents have survived and came out the other end with only minor bumps and bruises.

This is a new adventure in our relationship. And I am lucky to have hubby on my team.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Do you believe in signs?

My Avo (grandma) does and she feels that she got a sign telling her that this baby is a boy. She called me this morning to let me know.

If you don't know already we have two names picked out for this little one. If it's a girl we are going to name her Juliette after Avo's sister Julie and if it's a boy we are naming him Milo. Milo is hubby's favorite name because growing up he listened and still does listen to a group called the Descendants, it's a punk band and hubby has every album. The lead singer of that group is Milo and hubby's favorite album is 'Milo goes to college'. Below is the album cover:

Anyway... my Mom's family is all ranchers and dairy farmers. So when we first told them the name Milo they were a little taken back. Little did hubby and I know, milo is a type of grain. They couldn't believe we were going to name our son after grain. In fact, they voiced very strongly their concerns with the name. But, hubby wasn't about to give up the name he has been dreaming about so the family was going to have to get use to the idea. It's a 50/50 shot of Juliette or Milo.

Well, this morning Avo called me and told me she got a sign. She was driving around some farm country in Idaho and said she looked over and saw a huge field of milo growing. And in Idaho it's very rare to see milo. In fact she has been living out in farm country for over 40 years and has never seen it grow in Idaho. She took this as a sign that I am having a boy and his name will be Milo.

I asked her, why couldn't it of been a field full of daisies!!! Which was Julie's favorite flower. That would of been a sign for a girl ( which I am hoping for ) she just had to look over and see Milo!!

This is what a field of milo looks like:

This sign makes hubby very happy. Even though he doesn't believe in signs he will take this one. He also thinks it's a sign that maybe that side of the family will come around to the name as well.

In 6 days we will find out... Juliette or Milo?

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Final Countdown.

You know the epic and timeless song by Europe 'The Final Countdown'... come on don't act like you don't know what song I am talking about. If you need help remembering the song and how amazing the 80s hair bands were click on the below youtube video.

I think it's pretty obvious why this song would be running in my head. It's not the only one I seem to be replaying. 'Eye of the Tiger', 'Hungry like the Wolf' and the Rocky Theme play at random in my over active music brain.

I think these songs are also popular for marathon runners who need a little motivation at the last mile of their run. Get a little pop back into their groove.

I need these songs and other reminders that I am in the home stretch. And being in the home stretch I need to give myself more credit and really cherish the final moments of this pregnancy.

It hasn't really hit me that this pregnancy is almost over. I believe that it's my way of not getting to over emotional about the future. I need to put some sort of wall up and pretend to be blissfully unaware of the week ahead. Hubby and I still make lots of comments like "this time next week our world is going to change" or "I can't believe we are almost there" or we look at Darwin and give him advance apologies for the way this baby will change his life.

Could it be it's just to hard to really imagine... to really be aware that it's almost here. It's almost over and the same time just beginning. Can I really wrap my head around that? I can plan the birth to the day. I can stock pile the house with things we will need. I can precook and freeze meals. I can read books and talk all day about new mommy stuff. But can I really grasp that I will soon be using all those things?

No, I can't imagine it. Because no amount of getting the house ready, getting my body ready.. getting Darwin ready for that matter is going to even compare to what will really happen this time next week.

It's the final countdown... it's the eye of the tiger. It's the little engine that could. 'I think I can I think I can I think I can"

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Black is slimming.. right?!?

You ever wake up in the morning, get ready, check yourself out in the mirror and see this :
I swear the first thought that came to my head while doing the once over in the mirror was that I am starting to look like either Tweedle Dee or Tweedle Dumm. My body type is now this large mass in the middle with arms that hang to the side. This made me laugh.. so I decided to minimize the roundness and try a fashion trick. I put on my black yoga pants, black tank top and for a splash of color my grey cardigan. I came down the stairs to show the hubby and he said "wow, all black today"... then I reminded him that black is slimming and don't I look super thin?!? We both laughed and both agreed that I looked like a super model today, a super plus sized model.. but a model just the same.

Here's Darwin and I in our all black outfits having a lazy Sunday. 9 months pregnant with one week to go!

Had one of the best moments of my pregnancy so far last night. They say that fetal movement will go down a bit in the last month ( due to lack of space ) but you should still monitor it and make sure you feel the baby tossing and turning in there every once in awhile. Well, last night this little one was napping just a little to much for me and I hadn't felt much movement. I couldn't fall asleep because I was worried about the lack of movement so I went to hubby to see if he could feel anything. I get in the living room and lay on the floor and ask him to come over and place his hands on my belly. He did, but he also put his face right to the belly and started talking. The moment he said "baby, it's me" I felt this HUGE kick. Hubby stopped talking for a moment and we both looked at each other in amazement. Do it again, I said. He did and each time he spoke the baby would react. It was so magical. I don't think I will ever forget that. It's moments like that which help this final week seem SO WORTH IT. No matter how uncomfortable I am, to share that with hubby makes everything seems fantastic.

They say when the baby is born and it hears the voices of it's parents it will turn it's head to search for them. Hubby has such a deep voice that I know this baby will search the moment he/she hears him.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

9 months and acting like a baby.

Being 9 months pregnant is just boot camp for having a child around. I think it's some sort of sick initiation into motherhood. Instead of making your last month before being a mom a peaceful, restful and relaxing time your body betrays you and makes it impossible to do anything with some sort of extreme effort or discomfort. Case in point:

Yesterday I needed to run some errands. See post below for my shopping list. I also had lunch out in public and took the dog to the dog park. Busy day for a 9 month pregnant woman.. and hour errand for any normal lady. Being 9 months pregnant is like having a baby already.

- No one looks at you when your 9 months pregnant...well, they look at you, the part of you that is the size of watermelon. There is no more eye contact, eyes go straight to the belly. Your either the cautionary whale to teenagers, the pity look from women or the look of amazement from men. And when you are with your baby, no one looks at you anymore.. eyes straight to the baby.

- When out and about and 9 months pregnant just like with a child you need to know where ALL the restrooms are in the store you are at. Because at any moment the baby is going to kick you in the bladder and all you have is seconds to find a bathroom. Or with a child learning to potty train, again you have seconds to get that kid on the potty.

- Errands involving either a pregnant lady or baby wraps around their feeding schedule. A pregnant lady needs to graze and when the urge comes to eat you must feed that beast immediately. Just like a baby, feeding is top priority.

- Good luck walking a normal or relatively fast pace. The waddle is an art form. Two legs about 5 feet apart trying to balance a very large belly and swollen woman. If you look at a 9 month pregnant woman waddling it looks very similar to a one year old baby learning to walk. Both unsure if walking is necessary and both needing to hold things for balance.

- But before you ever make it out of the house you need to have a good nights sleep or nap. Have you ever taken a baby or toddler out during nap time or after a bad night? Not a good idea. Have you ever been around a 9 month pregnant woman who gets only about 3 - 4 hours of sleep due to discomfort, again bad idea.

So when you get back in your car after running errands you realize you have only done 2 out of the 6 things on your list. Your exhausted, moody and hungry. You think to yourself was it even worth getting in your car in the first place to attempt errands. Just like with a baby, is it even worth the hassle of trying to take him/her anywhere but the living room?

To help finish my list today, I am taking hubby with me. He doesn't know it yet but I sure he will be more then happy to drag me around the mall trying to find the perfect lounge pants for my future c-section belly. Just like with having a baby, you tend to do better with a partner. 9 months pregnant, it takes team work. I mean come on, it's not like he is an innocent in take two to tango and this baby is half his. =)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Julia Ormond and packing.

I have fantastic news!!! WE FOUND OUR PEDIATRICIAN LAST NIGHT!! Can you hear the choir of angels singing as I say that? Or Chevy Chase singing "Joy To The World," I sure can.

It is a large clinic but there is no way to get around that in Seattle. There is no mom and pop baby doctors around here and I have be able to get over that fact. This clinic is apart of University Washington which has an excellent reputation in pediatric medicine. It's super close to the house and the parking is free. The doctor use to be a pediatric nurse who has about 5 or so years of being a pediatric doctor under her belt. I knew I would like her the moment she walked in the room because she reminded me of that beautiful actress Julia Ormond. *refer to picture* She looks like her in the remake of Sabrina before Sabrina goes to Paris and gets a make over. She also had really small and delicate hands which if I were a baby would prefer over large ruff hands. She also was super easy going and because she was a nurse first she seemed more in-tune with what new mom's would need. Because we all know that the nurses are the ones that really run the show! Hubby was also impressed with her and as soon as we finished the meeting we both looked at each other and said "yep, she's it". I can't tell you what a relief it is to have this checked off our list. I feel like the biggest weight is off my shoulders and now it's just sit back and relax time. Well, so I thought.. I have one more project: Packing.

Who knew packing for the hospital would actually make hubby and disagree. Hubby thinks the bags should of been packed when we first got pregnant. He's been sitting on go for the past 9 months. And he's been on high alert now since September. Any grunt or moan I make he and Darwin are at my feet checking to make sure I am okay. Both revealed each time the moans are from the energy it takes to roll over at night or the discomfort of a small foot kicking my rib cage. I don't think I need to pack until next weekend. Mostly because everything I need for the hospital I need now. Make up, hair stuff, PJs, slippers... all in use as we speak. But to make him happy I at least brought the small carry-on suit case out and put one pair of underwear in it.

But I decided to google "what to bring to the hospital for a c-section"... oh goodness, bad idea. Maybe I haven't packed for the hospital because the suggestions scared me and if I don't think about it then it won't really happen... right?!?

Suggestions from the internet: (sorry if to graphic)

Depends: yes, adult diapers... seriously, even with a c-section you need these things. I was kind of hoping that one of the positives about a c-section would be they take everything out and there would be no need for messy clean up. Gee, was I wrong.

Socks you don't care about:
One woman said that when you stand up sometimes things get messy and you don't want to ruin your own socks. OMG!!!!! That is so wrong on so many levels. Who signed up for this?!?!?!

Special C-Section underwear: recommended the large 'granny panties' where the elastic sits at your navel. Fantastic, not only do you feel like crap but you have to wear underwear that your grandmother owns. But I see the point in this one, no bikini cut panties because that's were the incision will be and the last thing you want is something rubbing up against that.

A long nightgown you can toss after your hospital stay: From what I gather from the internet pants are your worse nightmare, you want something long to wear while you are there. This, I am really not happy about. So I decided to go to Target and get one of those long t shirt pj's with a silly Disney character on it, you know what I am talking about. That has some catch phrase like "Don't wake up Grumpy" on it. Something really tacky, yet functional.

All in all, I think hubby will find me super attractive after this c-section. Depends, dirty socks, granny panties and a Disney shirt. He's going to want to start making a second a baby right away, I just know it.

On another side note: I bought my first baby how-to-book. It was suggested by our new pediatrician. So far I like it (kinda).. it's a simple read and it's not very textbook-ish which helps me stay focused better on it. But, I am now on the breast feeding chapter and I think I was right all along. It's better for me not to know what I am getting into because when you start to read and learn whats about it happen the anticipation seems to be killing me. The anticipation and the fear of actually doing it. I can say that I am really not looking forward to it and I don't feel bad saying that. I think that women who are all about it before they have done it, need their head checked. It's 100% my plan to breast feed but that doesn't mean I have to jump on the train and jump for joy with celebration over that fact. "oh, it's natural, it's so bonding" You know why they say it's bonding?!?! Because a newborn feeds every 2-3 hours, and can take up to an hour a feeding. No joke it's bonding.. your stuck there, literally bonded together!

Oh goodness... I am in for a rude awaking in about 10 days. Wish me luck.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Birthday Wishes.

Today is a great day!!! My best friend's baby was born today exactly one year ago! It was so magical. The moment the final strike was called on game six of the World Series and the Yankees won, I got a text picture of the most beautiful baby girl. She was born the moment the Yankees won! Hubby was jumping around the living room because his beloved Yankees had won and I was right there with him holding the cell phone up with a picture of baby Suzie.

My best friend was there in the trenches with me during my infertility. She too had trouble conceiving, fortunately she was able to produce naturally but it took her a long time. We would call each other for support and we were literally the first people to call when the pee stick turned pink. I think when she called me about Suzie when she was still in the bathroom! She was pregnant with Suzie during the toughest year of my struggle. I did sometimes have a lot of jealousy towards her and sometimes it was to hard to talk to her or see pictures of her growing tummy. But those times were few and far between because of the overwhelming love I had for her new baby. Since we struggled together, her success felt like my success. It felt like Suzie was part mine too.. and to this day I tell my friend that Suzie is mine and she is just holding on to her for me.

Suzie was my hope. I used her as my hopeful beacon. And now almost one year to the date of her birth I am having my own Suzie. And I hope one day the two of them will play and my best friend and I can sit and watch them.

I was sent this video from another girlfriend who just celebrated her sons first birthday. It's a video asking mothers what they would tell themselves before they had their baby. I love this video, gave me a tear... okay it gave me a few tears.

I love the line "google doesn't have kids"

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dr. Who?!?!

Song of the day: 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' the Glee version.
click the video below to listen with me.

Finding a pediatrician has become so difficult. If I am not careful here I may start to cry, that's how upset I am about the whole process. I need to remember to breathe and remember we will find someone just as special as the pediatrician I had growing up.. right?!?!

Growing up in Boise I had the worlds BEST, I mean BEST pediatrician. I was his first patient and I stayed with him until I was 18 years old! He was goofy, odd, sweet and most of all completely invested in my health and well being. He wasn't just my pediatrician, he was apart of my childhood. My little sister went to him and every person my Mom referred to him had the same experience. He's fantastic.

I always imagined that I would take my child to him. But as we now know fate had other living arrangements for me and I am not in Boise anymore. Although I have this feeling I may just fly over to Boise for check ups with him. =)

So here we are in Seattle. Searching... and searching. I have taken the recommendations from the pregnant meet up group I am in and have had two interviews with two different doctors. Both interviews had more negatives then positive and left me with this feeling that finding a personal experience in a large city is going to be impossible.

The first interview we had hubby found the clinic to be old and outdated. I agree a little bit with him on that point but I didn't find it to old to be turned off by it. The doctor was nice, a little bit of a fast talker. But she was one of 8 in the clinic and the odds of you always getting to see her was slim. Basically you would see her if you scheduled appointments in advance like well baby check ups. But, I have found that all Seattle clinics run this way. Hubby and I also didn't really care for the fact you have to pay to park at this clinic and the nurses on staff kind of creeped hubby out. They were extremely overbearing and scared him a little.

The second interview we had last night felt like we were on a baby conveyor belt. It was this HUGE clinic. Very clean, new, and all metal. Felt like you placed baby on conveyor belt and it went through the machine and came out the end with a slip of paper with what was wrong. The doctor seemed extremely disinterested in being in a room with us and basically told me new moms are crazy and ask a lot of stupid questions that would be answered by the nurses so he wouldn't have to deal with us that often. It's pretty much understood that all new moms are crazy but to actually verbalize it in a interview totally turned me off. I checked him off my list right after he said that.

So now I am looking at a sheet of paper my OB gave me that has her recommendations on it. After reaching online I have just come to learn that all the clinics here are large and have more then 5 doctors and getting the experience I had in Boise is going to be impossible. Like my Mom pointed out on the phone, Seattle has higher rent and insurance costs so finding a single doctor clinic in my area is just not going to happen.

I now need to accept that. I just hope that in the next couple of days I can meet someone who I like and trust. But like hubby says, if they turn out to be mean or crazy we aren't stuck with them forever we can change doctors.

Who knew that this was going to be an issue. I wish I didn't wait so long to start this process. Now... I just need to tackle packing a bag for the hospital. Oh goodness have I got a blog post about that. =)

As to not make this post I total "Debbie Downer" my friend Cindy gave me a link to the cutest baby girl store. *crossing fingers for a girl* because these outfits are to much to handle!! Check them out if you dare, but be warned the cuteness factor is at a level 10!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Nursery

I took some photos of the nursery today. The nursery is still going to be used as a guest room so keep that in mind. I also don't have any art work up because I am waiting to know the gender. I am going to put up Peter Rabbit art using either blue or pink as the matting. Plus we don't know if the name Juliette or Milo will be displayed over the crib. I am also going to get gender specific rugs, add more color then just green. This weekend hubby and also need to install the curtains.

But I really love this room. It just makes my heart melt seeing all the toys and plush animals. The really soft blankets and the tiny diapers.

*you should be able to click on the pictures to see them larger*

Here's Darwin laying on "his bed"... he really isn't a fan of all the new stuff in this room and each night he walks around the room without fail sniffing everything. He then sighs and jumps on the bed.

The walls are painted in a color called 'breath of spring' or as my hubby calls it, green. So that's why the pictures are coming out a little on the green side.

Here is my amazing glider chair. I have yet to really sit on it yet since my butt and hips have been in pain but I love it just the same. It's not as plush as some of the other chairs at Babies R Us but the sales lady said to pick one that is not only comfy but easy to get out of this a sleeping baby in your arms. I found the super over stuffed chairs difficult to do that in.

The cutest thing in the room besides Darwin, the crib. I adore the bedding. A huge thank you to my parents for finding it. I picked out this bedding at Pottery Barn a couple of years ago and of course when I finally got pregnant they discontinued the line. As soon as I got pregnant Mom was able to find one of the last sets and snatched it up for me.

We had this shelving up before the room became the nursery. So far I haven't added to many things on it. Waiting for pictures of this little person and waiting for the little knick nats that we will get in the next couple of months. Yes, that is a TV in the corner. It's for the late night feeding entertainment. The light shade on the dresser is hand painted by a family friend. It's little mini scenes from Beatrix Potter books. It's beyond words amazing.

The changing station. I wasn't going to get a changing station but it came with the crib and I like the way it turned out. The little baskets with the diapers, toys and books are so cute! Hubby likes the giraffes on the table, just sitting there waiting for someone to play with them. One the giraffes plays music and Darwin isn't to keen on that.

I am very proud of the closet. Thanks to our friend Mary Ellen who recommended some great coupon sites I was able to find some great deals on diapers and have a little mini stock pile going. Plus, I just love opening it and seeing those little outfits just hanging there all soft and cute.

The room also has it's own bathroom but I didn't change that into a 'kid bath'. I kept it adult and modern. The room is still a guest room and I don't think mine or hubby's parents need to be in a bathroom full of Elmo and baby ducks yet. Plus the baby will be bathing in the kitchen sink for the first couple of months.

So that's the nursery. I have really enjoyed putting it together. The whole nesting thing the books talk about is real. I really felt compelled to get the room up and running as soon as possible. And now that it's all finished and just waiting for baby it's driving me crazy. And to top it off the baby won't even be in that room for a couple of months. It will be with me and hubby in the bassinet in our room.

So there is only two more things on my list until baby arrives: picking a pediatrician and packing a bag for the hospital. Wish me luck on both because both seem to be very difficult for me. Will blog about both later this week. =)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Asking for help.

Lesson learned this weekend:

Sometimes even I have to ask for help.

I was making pasta for dinner the other night. I have this great large 4 gallon pot to cook noodles in. When the noodles were done cooking I decided not to call hubby over to help me pour out the water instead I did it myself. I poured the boiling water into the sink and into the strainer. Unfortunately I didn't notice that the water was over flowing the sink and running over the edge. And what hits the edge of counters now, my belly. Like a flash I threw down the pot and screamed. Hubby came running into the kitchen to find me shirt off and in pain. The water was so hot that the blisters started to form right away. Hubby got so mad that I didn't call him over to help. I told him I am not incapable of doing things, that it was just a simple mistake. But then he reminded me that after a c-section I will need to be more conscious about these things and that lifting will not be in my future.

So I look at the line of blisters on my belly and I remind myself just because I can do things doesn't mean asking for help is wrong. It's hard to feel capable of doing things but then have a huge belly get in the way. I can clean the house, but it takes me ALL day. I can scrubs the bathroom floors but it will mean my hips will be sore for two days.

I do feel some guilt about it though. Hubby works all day and then comes home and has to help me around the house. But I need to remember he signed up for this too and has never once complained about the extra work, in fact he insists that he do it. There is no 'i' in team.. and that's what we are, a team.

Now I just need someone to tell that to Darwin. Someone needs to explain to him that not only is his mom 9 months pregnant and unable to take him on his normal long walk but the Seattle rain has set in. He needs to take one for the team and relax.

Gee someone needs to say that to me too... just relax!