Halloween Madness

Happy Halloween!

In my past life before IVF baby making I was a nanny for many years and then before that a preschool teacher. As you can imagine with those professions Halloween is one of my favorites holidays. I don't enjoy the scary aspect of it but I LOVE the crafts, the activities and of course dressing up. I am so excited for next years Halloween I can hardly stand it. Walking around Babies R Us and seeing all those adorable outfits, I almost bought three yesterday. And I just saw my nephews Halloween costume on Facebook, he's Thomas the Train!

I think my excitement for dressing up and taking the baby next year to the pumpkin patch scares hubby a little. He knows I will do all these crazy things I am talking about and I think he is grateful for a full year to get use to the idea.

I really need a baby to dress up, poor Darwin needs company in his misery.

The "C" Word

So last night hubby came with me to my doctors appointment to talk about our birth plan. It's been the topic of discussion with my doctor for about 3 weeks now that a c-section might be the route we have to take. The reason it was first brought up was because of my tail bone and scar tissue. That there is a possibility that the scar tissue won't allow the hips and pelvis to move enough for the baby to pass. That is the main cause of the pain I am experiencing now. My body is trying desperately to shift in that area but the scar tissue is not allowing it, a constant friction. So, the doctor said the ball was in my court for the c-section. She would allow me to attempt a regular delivery but wanted me to be aware that if I did that she couldn't guarantee what type of recovery I would need. The baby could get past all that tissue and then re-break the tailbone again. Oh yay!

Well, that was her position before the ultrasound results. Now she is 100% on board for the c-section. And I have to say I am too. This baby's head is already measuring at a full term baby head and if I were to wait to my due date it would give this baby 3 more weeks of growth.(and that's if the baby is on time, most first time moms go over their due date) So you take into account my hip and tailbone issue and a very large baby you have a recipe for some damage.

Being the husband hubby is he had all the right questions and concerns to ask my doctor yesterday. There is no question that a c-section is major surgery and hubby wasn't going to jump on the train unless he knew I would be in safe hands. Ya, he is sweet that way. He drilled the doctor on how many c-sections she has performed, recovery, blood loss, baby safety.. all those questions I forget as soon as my mind starts to wonder. We signed the papers and have a date...

This baby will be born, unless he/she wants to make an earlier appearance

November 15 @ 11am !!

Odd to know the exact date and time your baby will be born. But sure does making planing easy. Got both the Grandma's flights and schedules arranged so hubby and I will have them here for the big day. And to also help out with our first born, Darwin the Wonder Dog.

So now that I have shared this development I am going to share my feelings about how this news has been received.

I know that having a c-section isn't the best option for delivering babies. And our choice to go this way was never taken lightly. We had to weigh out all the recovery options and all the risks. And I also take into account that when I share this with people they aren't doctors and they don't have access to my medical records.

I have found a lot of judgment from people when you tell them you are having a c-section. Their first question is 'why?' or they give you a face. And you know what I mean when I say, they give you a face. It's as if their face had hands and if possible that face would slap you. Or their voice changes...the slightest way that lets you know they don't approve. I know that a lot of the judgment I feel from others is my own feelings projected on to them and back to me. I am wise enough to know that I am my own worse judge. But at the same time I wish people wouldn't be so critical.

Or the fact I am having a large baby... like it's my fault or being a big baby is a bad thing. Apparently when you say you are having a large baby it sends images of me sitting on the couch eating bon-bons and icecream 24/7. I almost feel the need to get out a scale and show that my weight gain is in the healthy area and then pull out mine and hubby's birth certificate and show our large birth weight. Or I am quick to pull out that hubby and I are tall. Not NBA tall but a little over average tall. If this baby turns out to be a girl, it's like people are already projecting weight issues on her before she even knows how to breast feed!

I then like to remind people that a nice large baby is a healthy baby. They sleep better and are all around in a better mood. That's been my experience with larger babies. The words jolly and fat go together for a reason.

You may be wondering who are these wacka-do people judging poor pregnant me. OTHER PREGNANT LADIES! I have joined this pregnant meet up group and I go to dinner events, walks, pot lucks with them. So far I have really enjoyed this group, I have even met 3 chicks I really dig and can see having a lasting friendship with and we are all due around the same time. But, at some of these events you get people that rub you the wrong way. Sometimes I am shocked at how judgmental women can be to each other. I know I am guilty of it...I take ownership of that. But I wouldn't let any of these women feel inferior for not having the same birth plan as me. I want to say 'back off..you can take your new aged, hypno-birthing, bathtub birth planning, no screaming or drugs birth and shove it' .. but I don't cause I am nice and say that behind their backs. =)

A line from Steel Magnolias "if you don't have anything nice to say about someone, come sit next to me"

So, here's to November 15.. I've googled the date, nothing bad happened on this day in history.. the weather looks normal for Seattle and I like the birth stone.


birth stone is citrine
birth flower is the chrysanthemum
And here is a link to November 15 in history
http://www.brainyhistory.com/days/november_15.html

My What A Big Baby You Have

Yesterday hubby and went and had our final ultrasound. It's been so long since we have seen this baby on a ultrasound screen so I was very excited. The whole ultrasound took about an hour. The tech looked at all the organs and brain. There is not a lot of room for the baby to move so it took her longer then if the baby was only 20 weeks.

We did get some news about the size of this baby. And both hubby and I aren't surprised by it. I mean, I was 9 lbs 3 oz and hubby was a good 10 lbs. So we figured our baby would be big. I did however find it shocking that the baby is measuring at 40 weeks. I am 36 and half weeks and the baby's head alone is measuring at 40 weeks!! The ultrasound tech asked us if we were positive on the due date. We told her yes, and that it is what it is.. this baby was going to be big weather I feed him/her or not. I haven't gained more then what the doctor said was healthy, about 25 to 28 pounds. And the tech measured the baby at 8 pounds 13 ounces. Of course the ultrasound can be off by a whole pound either which way. And since we are 19 more days until baby.. this little person can gain another pound or two.

I am really not concerned about the size of the baby. I mean, I find it comical and fun to talk about it but the baby is healthy and that makes me happy. We have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to go over the ultrasound results and talk about our plan of attack for the next two weeks. I know hubby is looking forward to this, he is always so prepared and asks all the right questions. I go into these appointments hear the heart beat and forget why I am even there. He even payed attention at the labor and delivery class we went to on Friday while I looked out the window at the kids playing in the park. We are a match in that way.

So, my big baby and I are going to take a nap this afternoon and then go to a pizza parlor with 14 other pregnant women tonight. And there I am sure I can find another pregnant lady with a big baby.

Doctor, am I normal?

The internet is a scary, scary place. And when your pregnant and have questions the last thing you should do is 'google'. Oh my goodness... and if you google, defiantly don't google pictures. OMG, I have read enough and seen enough this afternoon that would scare anyone into the hospital. Looking for scary Halloween ideas just google, pregnancy!

I thought I had a pretty open blog. I share things that are sometimes a little taboo... but I think I draw the line. Needless to say I have run across some blogs that are not only crossing the line, they are running with that line. They are posting pictures!!! It's like a biology text book gone completely wrong.

Yet at the same time.. I can't help but look and I can't help but google. It's a vicious circle. And if I don't google, I'll just call my best friend who happens to be a nurse and ask her. Which doesn't help me get off the crazy train of "is this normal".

The thing with searching the internet to answer my question of "is this normal" isn't going to really give me the answers I need. And the main reason is that no pregnancy is alike. What happens to another woman is completely different to what might happen to another. You experience different things at different stages in the pregnancy and some have it more severe then others. I need to remember this, I need to stop comparing myself to the books and internet and trust my doctor. Who I see tomorrow, and I will ask her. "Doctor, am I normal?"

Don't Drop The Soap

A common side affect to pregnancy is restless leg syndrome. I know, I know... I barely believe that there is such a thing as restless leg but after not being able to sleep because of it starting about 4 months ago, I believe now!! I told my doctor about this because I was getting it during the day and night. It could be from a pinched nerve from my scar tissue and the situation happening around my hips and but. So she gave me a very, very low dose of a narcotic. ( don't worry completely safe for baby ) It's such a small dose I doubt it would affect a small child if they were to get a hold of it. The medicine helped to get me to sleep, sometimes, but in the middle of night it would wear off and I would be stuck at 3am with a crazy leg. When I went to Boise for my baby shower my Avo (grandma) told me about an article she read where you put a bar of soap in your mattress and it will cure the restless leg. I laughed at this, seriously, a bar of soap between the mattress and my sheet is going to help?!?! And she said it couldn't be any kind of soap it needed to be Ivory soap. Well, I didn't try this crazy remedy for awhile. For one, I don't use Ivory soap because I am a Dove girl. Love my skin after a nice scrub with Dove and two it just sounded to crazy. I ended up researching it online and found an overwhelming amount of people who swear by it.

So three days ago I went to the drug store to refill my prescription for my restless leg and decided to get a bar of ivory soap. What's the worse that could happen, my mattress smelling like soap? So I inserted the soap between the sheet and mattress. Funny, the bar of soap doesn't bother me at all, in fact my leg searches for it. And you want to know the crazy thing: IT WORKS!!! a bar of Ivory soap works for restless leg syndrome. I would like to publicly announce my apology to my Avo for thinking her idea was silly and laughing at it. She was right and I love her for it!

You can look it up here online to find out more about soap and restless leg:
http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2005/12/07/soap-under-the/

Speaking of legs and soap... you know whats been truly difficult the past three months to do: Shave! And I am obsessed with shaving my legs and having so many trips to the doctors and here is the story of why:

When I was about 14 I woke up to terrible cramping in my side. It wasn't normal cramping it felt like someone was jabbing a knife into my side. I told my Mom and she called the nurse line and they said to bring me to the ER. I was in so much pain and remember being completely terrified. When we get to the ER I get striped down to one of those super fashionable hospital gowns. I don't get to put my pj pants back on because they needed to have access to my downstairs area because it turned out I had ovarian cysts. I am so mortified by this because it had been forever since I had shaved my legs. I mean forever, it looked like my legs could be the stunt double for Big Foot. And on top of it all I had a super cute young doctor!! You can imagine the embarrassed 14 year old laying there with hairy legs and McDreamy working on you. This memory still makes me blush from embarrassment.

This memory haunts me so much that before I went to the ER back in March for my hyper-stimulation I shaved my legs before I could go. I was in some crazy pain and I still couldn't get over the fact that someone could be touching my legs and they needed to be shaved. I know, I am crazy. I take full responsibly in my crazy!

So now that we are getting closer to having this baby the fear of having unshaven legs is back again. So every other day I am forcing myself to somehow bend over and shave. Thank goodness hubby hasn't walked in during my side bending yoga pregnant pose because he would flip with laughter. So I have come up with an idea:

The Pregnancy Shaver!

You take a back scratchier and duck tape a razor to the end of it. You take another back scratchier and tape soap to it. There you go! No more bending or stretching into weird positions. I think I could go global with it. It could be for the elderly, people recovering from surgery. Plus never again would I have to face a cute doctor and have hairy legs!

I know that in the grand scheme of things the last thing I am going to be concerned about is hair on my legs....but there are a lot of hours in a day. And in those hours thinking about this is just what I do.

Wanted: A nanny for me.

I swear, I need a nanny. Not for the baby, for me. Maybe my Mom can just come to Seattle now and take care of me before the baby. Or maybe even my sister.

First off, why can't I sleep anymore? I am tired when I go to bed. I don't take naps during the day and I don't drink any caffeine after 12pm. Yet, I just lay in bed tossing and turning. Sunday night I got two hours of sleep!! 5am to 7am! I was like a walking zombie. This is where the nanny would come into play. The nanny would take care of Darwin, make me lunch and make me take a nap. The nanny would also drive me to my appointments so I don't do stupid things on the way there. Case in point:

If I had a nanny. I wouldn't of put my cell phone on top of the car when I was getting Darwin into it! Yes, I drove off with my brand new phone on top of the car. And because hubby is this huge tech lover we have the latest and greatest phones. You know with all the flashy screens and it basically does everything expect make it easy to make calls. Down the road I go and I don't notice I have left it there tell I am half way down the freeway! When I found the poor phone it looked like maybe 20 or so cars had driven over it... not good. Thank goodness hubby knows who he is married to and put insurance on my phone. So I get a new one today, but still, no sleep means no smart moves.

If I had a nanny, I wouldn't dress like such a mess. When I was a nanny I would dress the little girls in the cutest outfits, do their hair all pretty. I need my nanny to pick out the maternity clothes that still fit ( yes, I am at the stage where some of the tops are working overtime and need to be retired at this point ) and then the nanny would brush my hair and remind me that I had errands to run and doing those errands required nice hair and clothes that couldn't substitute as PJs.

If I had a nanny, I would eat better. When hubby isn't here to monitor my eating habits I sometimes stray off course. Especially in these last weeks. I don't know who this baby is but it LOVES sugar. I need a nanny to tell me that if I eat a doughnut for breakfast I can't have another one at lunch. The nanny would prepare me a nice meal with those crazy things called vegetables in it and I would have to eat it or I would get in trouble. Then after lunch I would be sent to my room for nap time, no questions asked.

So until my Mom or sister gets here I am taking applications for nannies.

Below is what I am looking for:

Our Family Bassinet

About fifty years ago my Great Grandma (Granny) found an old bassinet in an attic of an old store. She jazzed it all up and made it pretty. From that moment on everyone in the family has used it ( except my Mom who was already to big by the time Granny found it ) It was first used for my Aunt Lisa and then my Uncle Mark. And then every cousin on that side of the family and also my cousin's baby girl. So far 9 babies from our family have slept in it. I ADORE this tradition. And when the bassinet wasn't in use it would stay at my Avo's (grandma) house for safe keeping. She would keep it in the grandkids room and store all our cabbage patch babies in it. As you can imagine an old bassinet needs some work to it so that's what I did the other day.

The lining inside the bassinet was made by my Granny for my Mom to use for my nursery 28 years ago. I still have the matching blanket, my security blanket I still call upon from time to time. My pink blanket... drives the hubby crazy when he sees it. But I am just to sentimental to get rid of it and sometimes a girl just needs to cuddle with her blanket. I called on it a lot during our infertility and it shows the stains from my mascara after having a good cry in it. So, I can't get rid of it...Granny made it for me and I love the darn thing. Anyway, back to the bassinet lining... when Granny made it she sewed into the bassinet. I carefully cut it free and with much hesitation set the washing machine to 'hand wash' and hoped that it wouldn't fall apart. Thank goodness it didn't and it looks all shiny and new. I was able to sew it back in last night, much to the delight of hubby. (he always finds it fascinating when I do very domestic tasks like sewing)

I also spray painting the top half. Avoiding the wheels where my Mom's godmother had painted pretty flowers on them. Note to others who might be spray painting in the future. If you are like me and rarely think ahead when starting a project, lay something down on the driveway before you start painting. I didn't and turned the top half of our driveway white. Thank goodness for a product called Oops, I was able to pour it over the white paint and like magic it was gone!

I always knew as a little girl this bassinet would be in my house one day, for my baby. And now that it's right next to my bed it is so amazing to me. It melts my heart to know my little person will sleep in there. Well, crossing fingers, let's hope the baby sleeps.

Side note: please excuse the laundry in the photo.. didn't realize when taking the picture my bra was laying upward so proudly on top of my laundry hamper.

3 years and counting!!

Wow, 3 years of marriage. If someone would of told me that we would of lasted this long I would of said no way!

hahaha.. joking.

Doesn't seem like 3 years but I guess it has been. Time really does fly.I looked at our wedding photos and what really puts time into perspective for me is how young my little sister looks on our wedding day. Or for that matter how young she was when hubby and I first started dating. She's my age and time barometer.











It's amazing to look back and see how a relationship evolves and how things can help define a union. Hubby and I struggled a lot with infertility the first years of our marriage and I can look back now and say that it was that struggle that glued us together. Now as we begin this new chapter in just a few weeks it all seems so blissfully happy. There is a new excitement in the air and the anticipation of this little one brings us even closer. We both touch the belly and realize that we did that together, that we made a family.

Plus, I look back at my wedding and remember what a kick ass party we had!! Seriously, the best party I have ever been too and I can say that cause it was MY party! I could never thank my parents enough for such an amazing day. Still 3 years later, I can look back and remember all that love, laughter and joy.

Happy Anniversary Hubby.. your the best part of everyday.


Home is where ever I am with you: (my hippie tribute song to hubby)

35 weeks pregnant!

Hubby and I enjoy Sundays so much. We call them our lazy Sundays. My main goal on Sunday is to see if I can stay in my PJs all day. Even Darwin, the dog, knows when it's lazy Sundays. He's happy and peaceful all day laying in front of hubby's chair while he watches his football games or baseball games. Only thing with lazy Sunday is Darwin will have a hyperactive Monday needing either a dog park or a very long walk.

Also on Sunday's is our 'what's happening with my body and baby' day. We use to have an app on hubby's iphone that would tell us what was going on each week. And a new week starts on a Sunday for us. We would sit down read the app and be amazed at how much the baby can change in a week or how spot on the app was about the changes in my body. We have since sold our iphone and moved over to another cell phone carrier that doesn't have a pregnancy app. So I go online now on Sundays and look up the information. To me this information is so fascinating. Here is 35 weeks:
By now at thirty-five weeks of pregnancy, the baby will weigh about 5-1/2 to 6 pounds and measures in at 18 inches long. Keep in mind that these numbers are guidelines and are not gospel. Every baby is different and they may weigh a bit more or less than these guidelines suggest. By this week, the baby’s organs are complete by this week. The liver and the kidneys are starting to produce waste.

The baby now has less space in the uterus to move, so now you will start to notice a slight decline in fetal movement. The baby’s hearing is fully functional, now is a great time to talk to your baby. Start the bonding process before they are born. When they hear your voice after birth, they will respond to the sound of your voice. Some women use baby talk and they feel silly sometimes but it is said that the baby respond better to higher pitch sounds than lower pitch.

If the baby is born at week thirty-five, they have a 99% chance of survival. The nervous system and circulatory systems are fully functional. The baby’s lungs are now 99% developed. The baby fat continues to grow underneath the baby’s skin to help protect them while they are being born, plus the baby fat keep the baby warm inside and outside the womb.

It's hard to believe that when I first started reading about my pregnancy the baby was just a couple cells dividing & now it's a full functioning little human ready to come into this world.

I have noticed an increase in fetal movement this past week. The space in the tummy has become smaller so I can start to see the movement from the outside. Sometimes my t-shirt moves with the baby and other times I can press on my tummy and find a hand or his/her little butt. This morning Darwin laid his head on my belly giving me some deep cuddles when all of a sudden the baby gave a kick. The baby kicked Darwin right in the head. I laughed so hard because Darwin was so confused. He looked at my belly like 'what in the world'!! I told him to get use to it, this little one is going to lay on you, pull your ears and just all around piss you off.

The baby has also started to get the hiccups a lot. I placed hubby's hand on my belly during one those many hiccup spells. You could see hubby's eyes light up. We both agreed it was a little creepy but super cool all at the same time!

cheeky massage

I know I said in the past post I wasn't going to go see a massage therapist to massage my butt. Well, I changed my mind and yesterday I drove my sore butt to a massage center. I got a thirty minute massage that just focused on my tailbone, hips and butt muscle. You know when your in pain there are things you will do you swore you wouldn't.

The whole experience was surreal. First off, explaining why you are there to a super sweet and young massage therapist was the first hurdle. "yes, hi, I just met you, will you please massage my butt".. totally surreal.

She told me get undressed and lay on the bed and she would return in a moment. Well, I wasn't about to take my bra off. Hello?!? The ladies have been covered since March, way to sore to roam free! Also, I didn't think taking off the underwear was really necessary, I mean, we just met... shouldn't there be a happy hour date first before I go full monty on a bed?

She comes back in the room and I explain to her that I am Modest Milly and kept the delicates on. She said that was fine and had me lay on my side. All maternity massages are done with the pregnant gal on her side. She immediately started to hurt me, I mean massage me.

She didn't really massage, she used pressure points. And she was in awe that I had such scar tissue and super tight muscles around my injury. She tried to show me just how bad it was by using an area on the other side of the injury and put pressure there, she pressed down deep. She described it as putting pressure down on a sponge, easy to do and no barrier to it. Then she went to my injured area and when she pressed down, nothing. I asked her if she was hitting bone, it was that hard. She said no, that it was scare tissue. Freaking crazy.

The whole massage/pressure points wasn't that bad. I mean I did have a hot flash on the table and did give out a little tear. But, I could feel it would be beneficial to continue. So every other day I am going back for a thirty minute session her. I bet she is super excited to see my butt so often.

Wouldn't it be funny if I put a temporary tattoo on my butt for our next session. Like a smiley face or something really cheeky. cheeky.. haha.

*UPDATE* on pain.

While rereading my last post I was thinking about deleting it. But, I didn't. That's how I feel about my pain and if I come across as a baby, so be it. Because you know what, I am in pain and it's my blog. So.. there you go.

I went to the chiropractor this afternoon and it was odd to say the least. I honestly don't have a problem with people using a chiropractor. I have seen the benefits first hand with my Mom and little sister, Charlie. But they have problems that are worth seeing a chiropractor, they have horrible backs. The chiropractor who did my assessment told me, I have a fine back. It's my butt and hips and all those bones in between. But how in the world do you treat a pregnant lady? You can't do an x ray on her, she can't lay on her tummy while you feel her up and you can't really get a true reading on her problems because pregnancy causes a lot of problems that don't happen normally. Like, tension in your hips, well duh! your pregnant your carrying new and sudden weight. Plus, when my Mom and Charlie leave the office they feel relief, they always report feeling better. I left the office feeling more frustrated and in more pain then when I arrived. The chiropractor basically told me that he thinks I may of injured more then my tailbone when I fell and that from what he felt the muscles are so tense around my hips that they aren't allowing the proper movement there. He did these freaky leg movements, put me on a bed ( FACE DOWN, ummmm hello I am pregnant ) and used a little hand held device to tap on me.

I left still throwing a pity party for myself. "pity, table for one" I called my bff Karin, and complained to her. Of course, she listened, agreed and then told me to ask for drugs. I love her, she's a nurse and a mom already so her advice always makes me feel better and I feel more relaxed after speaking to her. I don't want to go the drug route, I would rather just go on a type of bed rest, like a no sitting thing first before we bring on the narcotics. But gotta love her for the suggestion.

I did get a call back from my doctor and she wants to try physical therapy. I was almost hoping she said regular therapy because I could almost use that more. Get over my pain in the butt fear of the pain in my butt. =) She also wants to do massage.

Alright, I can do this, like my Mom said.. it's only 6 more weeks. Buck up.

So here I am in my best Scarlet O'Hara voice:

"Tomorrow is another day"

pain, pain go away.

Okay, I am going to vent about my butt pain in this post. Sorry if I come off as a baby, which I am one, a very big baby. I have been a dramatic baby all my life; no reason to stop now when pregnant and miserable.

I mentioned before on this blog that about 5 years ago I was getting ready for work in my apartment in Idaho and fell. It was such a sweet apartment. It was a studio/loft, the bedroom was up a flight a stairs and it over looked the living room. I loved that apartment! I took a slip from the top of the stairs and fell down the stairs. I laid at the bottom crying with my cell phone in hand and called work and said I would be unable to be there and then I called my Mom to come help and get me. I went to the doctor and he said I broke my tailbone and that there is nothing really to be done, it just needed to heal itself. He also gave me amazing pain medicine that made the pain go away. The brake took a long time to heal. I think a couple months before I wasn't in constant pain and then a couple more months after that I only had pain in certain sitting positions. As soon as the pain went away I rarely thought of it expect to tell the funny story of how I fell down my stairs.

Now, it's a every moment thought. I can barely find a sitting position that works for me and then when I get up from a sitting position it's like someone is taking a hammer and hitting my butt with it.

I have mentioned this pain over and over again to my doctor but there is little she can do. Suggestions for pain relief:

bathes: I already do that daily, & they do help to ease pain for awhile

specialty pillows: doesn't really help because the pain is internal and no matter how you displace the weight while sitting, your still sitting, still putting weight on pain. And the baby puts it's weight right on the tailbone too.

massage: ummm.. I don't really want to pay someone to rub my butt, that's odd.

physical therapy: not so much for right now but the doctor said I should build a relationship with them now because more then likely I am going to need them after labor because labor is going to send my butt into pain overdrive.

Which leads to my biggest worry about my butt: labor. It's not uncommon that during labor that a woman's tailbone can be broken. Oh, great..

My head is literally spinning over this. I am in this odd state of pain panic. You really have no idea how much you use your butt during the day and now I am told that recovery after childbirth may take up to 6 months to a year (that's what the doc said)!!! The first months of a babies life is propped up against it's sitting mom breastfeeding. And now I am told that not only is breastfeeding difficult for some but now I may have this pain while trying to overcome that?!?!

I understand that the pain after labor is all speculative at this point. Who knows what will happen. But right now, I am in pain. I don't see how delivery isn't going to make that worse. So what do I do? No one has answers.

This is a huge pity party post, I know. But this has over taken my thoughts. I have an appointment with a chiropractor in a couple of hours and I left a message for one of the nurses at my doctors office to call me back today. In the mean time I will be holding a pity party in my living room, standing room only... no sitting at my party!