Are you having twins?

I am still trying to process the exchange I had today. There's a part of me that can't believe it happened but it did and so I must share with you.

I went up to our local mall and while there I decided to treat myself to a snack. I am starting to regret that decision for two reasons, the exchange I had with the cashier and the garlic pretzel I ate. Both are haunting me right now. Garlic on pretzel great idea bad if you don't have gum right after.

Below is the exact conversation I had with the pregnant cashier @ Pretzel Time.

Me: Yes, Hi. I would like a garlic pretzel and a small lemonade please.

Cashier: ok, when are you due?

Me: November.

Cashier: WOW, your big!

Me: (in shock) ummm, when are you due?

Cashier: September... are you carrying twins?

Me: No

Cashier: you must be having a huge baby.

Me: (in more shock) ummmm, I guess.

Cashier: Well, your tall. Are you having a big baby cause you eat all the time?
(I kid you not, she really said that)

Me: (super defensive at this point) No, I've only gained 7 lbs. I am just all baby up front.

Cashier: Do you know what your having?

Me: No, we aren't finding out.

Cashier: Well, since your so big it must be a boy.

Me: I don't think so, I am carrying really high so I think it's a girl.

Cashier: No, your having a boy. A baby girl is small and petite and your belly is big.

Me: Umm, I was a big baby and I am girl.

Cashier: It's obvious I am having a boy.. so are you.

Me: okay.. now we have entered rude territory. First I am big and now I am having a boy.

Cashier: Have a great day

Me: Ummm.... ya. You too.


I couldn't make that up if I wanted. This conversation really happened and not only did it happen but it was with another pregnant lady! I call my Mom and vent about it. Telling her the cashier basically called me fat and what does my Mom tell me to do? Eat a piece of cake!

Note to self, no more pretzels from the mall!

3D Ultrasound and am I normal?

Yesterday my hubby treated me to a 3D ultrasound. We got an amazing "under the table" deal from our doctors office. There is a tech there that does these 3D images as a side job, the office allows him to use the equipment and he charges hardly anything to have them done. I wasn't planning on having 3D images done because they can run up to $300 but we got ours for under $80. YAY!

So here is my baby!

To me the baby in some of the photos looks like an alien. But in others it's the cutest baby I have ever seen. It's amazing how you can see all those little features. The hubby made sure to count all the fingers and toes and seemed to be very relieved when he counted 20 in total. (didn't even cross my mind to count) In some of the shots you can see the baby has a very defined jaw line, thin lips and a little nose. And so we know without a doubt this is my baby because we have matching noses! The baby kept holding it's arms up and almost flexing them for us. A show-off already! I look back at the picture my Mom took at the clinic when the baby was just 5 cells and now to have this photo it's just incredible. Hurry up November, I need to hold this baby!

Seems like there have been several new celebrities coming out as pregnant. I have been following a couple and after hearing other pregnant stories from people I don't think I am 'normal'. They all seem to be craving food and having really bizarre hormonal days. Besides my breakdown at Lowes I haven't been controlled by emotion. And I haven't craved any food. The hubby agrees and wonders if those women have always been crazy and now have an excuse. Or are taking advantage of being pregnant and making unreal demands and blaming it on hormones. With the celebrities I think they have always been hungry cause they have been an a diet for years so now that they are pregnant their bodies are craving real food and food they would never consider eating before getting knocked up. But as far as being normal, my best friend thinks that because it was so hard for me to get pregnant maybe this is the pay off, an easy no drama pregnancy. I think I agree with her.

PEPS and tears for the dog

Here in Seattle there is a wonderful nonprofit organization called PEPS (Parents For Early Parent Support) http://www.pepsgroup.org/ I first heard of this program from a family I use to nanny. Every Tuesday they would go off to PEPS group. Something they had done since the little girl was just a newborn. Whenever the little girl would talk about PEPS it always reminded me of those Easter candies peeps. I looked more into the program and learned it wasn't a gross marshmallow candy but a great way to meet new moms and make lasting friendships not only for you but for your baby. I went to the orientation last night and got myself and the baby all registered. Basically the program works like this: I will be put into a group of about 10 to 12 other moms who are having babies around November. About two months after all the babies are born we meet once a week for 12 weeks at each others houses. The first 12 weeks are hosted by a group leader from PEPS that helps lead the group is discussions like breast feeding, sleep and other baby topics. After the 12 weeks the group is on their own and we can do what we want from there. The lady at the orientation said that her group has meet every week for the past 4 years and now have over 30 kids from the original group! She said her group goes on picnics and mini vacations. She also said that she had made lifelong friendships with the women and their families. Needless to say I was over the moon hearing all this. Just what I need!! Friends in Seattle! Not only friends but other women going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. I rushed home to tell hubby all this new information, I could barely get all my words out telling him about it. Speaking so fast about the program, I was acting like a child who just came home from their first day at school! When I was done I started to get sad, hubby asked what was wrong... I said I was sad I would have to wait tell the baby is born to start! I want to join NOW!

I had to drop Darwin off at doggy camp today. He is spending the night there until our friend can pick him up tomorrow to go hiking with him and his daughter. Darwin loves this doggy camp because its on 5 acre ranch, full of trails and loving active dog handlers. They allow the dogs to roam free and then at night each dog has their own twin sized bed in a room that holds around 3 dogs. It is just like camp for kids but for dogs. They even have a "living room" full of couches and the TV on for older dogs who need a break from the younger crowd. It's so flipping cute! So I dropped him off and like every other time I do this I start to cry. But this time it was different. This was the first time I dropped him off while pregnant. I nearly lost it, like a crazy person. I was making Darwin nervous.. poor thing probably though I was dropping him off for good with the scene I was making. The handlers noticed my belly and tears and didn't really seem to judge. I don't think I am the first person to do this. But it made me think about how hard it would be for me if I was dropping off a kid at daycare. Thank goodness that isn't in our future. If it was I think I would force hubby to do the drop off because I would scare the children.

Email from Mag

I recently sent an email to the founder of My IVF Alternative, Mag. Thanking her for the gift she gave me. I put 100% gratitude towards her because without her program I doubt I would be where I am today. She just emailed me back.

The trip to Prague seems like it was a lifetime ago. I look back now and I can't believe what I did. I can't believe I convinced my hubby and my family that this was the way to go. There was a paragraph in her email that bought on the tears...

"Dear Melissa,
thank you for such a nice letter! I am glad to hear that your pregnancy is progressing well. what a blessing.

I am afraid that I cannot take any credit for your growing family - you have done all the work: you were brave enough to fully believe two women you have never met who were sending you half way around the world to a country you have never been while stabbing yourself with needles and telling you that that's how you'll get the baby you are longing for."

I think this email brought on the tears because it still seems unreal that I did what I did. To have such blind faith in the program and then to be treated so well and now to be pregnant. It's just amazing. I am just in awe of it all. I don't think I was ever in the category of "normal" in my everyday life.. like my Mom use to say, define normal. I am glad my normal was just crazy enough to trust Mag.

I had to share her words.... can't wait to send her pictures when the baby comes.

Portland Bound.

So hubby and I are taking a road trip to Portland tomorrow. Leaving behind the dog and having our friend stay at the house. Portland is where the hubby's parents live and we haven't been there in a year or two. They keep coming up to see us so it's time for us to crash their pad. I am excited about this little weekend getaway. For three reasons:

1. My mother-in-law is an amazing cook and plans to make us plenty of food!! Plus she treats me like the princess I believe I am and this makes me very happy.

2. I was blessed with amazing and super smart in-laws. The four of us get into the most interesting conversations about everything. You have to bring your A game to keep up with these two.

3. Their house has air conditioning!!!

I am prepping the car for our trip tomorrow. So that means I need to update our ipod. Make sure we have a good playlist for our three hour drive. So I decided to put the speaker close to my belly and play some tunes for the baby. They say the baby can hear what's going on now. Most new moms play classical musical to their babies. Thinking this will somehow make their baby smarter. I believe David Bowie, Queen and Led Zeppelin will do more good for my baby. Cool baby vs. Smart baby. I mean come on, hubby wants to name the baby after a lead singer of a punk band. Did you really think I was going to play Mozart when we have Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Sammy to teach this baby the ways of cool.

Of course there is always the flip side of being cool. The hubby let me know the other day he fully plans on giving our baby a mohawk if it's a boy. But that's a whole other blog entry.

Another check up, another laughing doctor.

Had a doctors appointment this afternoon. Seems they like to keep track of you while your pregnant. Always wanting to schedule new appointments and when you get there all they do is ask how you are feeling, check your blood pressure and hear the baby's heart beat. I am not complaining about getting to hear the heart beat because that is FANTASTIC! But, I could of just called them from the Walgreens and had one of those blood pressure devices check me out and then let them know that I was feeling great. Instead of driving to the clinic, paying for parking..I'm just trying to save everyone some time here. It would be even better if they let me take that little hand held machine that hears the heart beat home with me. I could check it regularly for them.

But I do love sitting in their waiting room. So many fat pregnant women in there. It's a collective group of swollen ankles and weak bladders. But the clinic uses really small chairs and couches. And it's hard to watch some of the women get in and out of them. For the most part the women in the waiting room look happy but sometimes you get the really sour puss mom in there. The world is against her, she's two weeks over her due date and if you look at her twice she might rip your head off. Can you blame her? I am almost 6 months and sometimes feel that way.

The doctor seemed really pleased with the results of my past ultrasound and blood work. She was very happy at how big the baby is and said that it was a fantastic sign of a healthy baby. She told me not to get to excited and think that means the due date gets to be moved up. She let me know that the ultrasound isn't 100% right in knowing weight and just because the baby is big right now doesn't mean the growth won't taper off and get back into the "normal" range. My last ultrasound in the last month will give a better idea of how big the baby will be at birth.

The baby's heart beat is still at 150. She put the listening device on my tummy and you could hear all the movement. The doctor always comments on how active the baby is whenever she is trying to get the heart rate. She points out all the turns and kicks to me like I can't already feel them. I asked her if an active baby in the womb is a sign of A.D.H.D (attention-hyperactive kid) she just laughed at me like she always does and says "Oh, Melissa.. your so funny"

So another great appointment. Made my amazing doctor laugh, felt like I was part of a group with all the other fat pregnant women and learned my baby is as active as it seems in my belly. Good day!

Bite of Seattle

Yesterday the hubby and I made our way to the Seattle center for Bite of Seattle. The Seattle Center is where the Space Needle, museums, Key Arena and all the tourist traps are located. Bite of Seattle is a very neat tradition. The whole event is free (except the food). Live music, art shows and comedy hours. About 80 food vendors, most of them local restaurants line up along the center and offer sample portions of their menu. So you can have one little taco and then skip over a vendor and have a crepe. All the while drinking mango lemonade. The event also has vendors that you would see at a state fair. You know, the good stuff.. funnel cake, elephant ears, cotton candy and so on. Basically a pregnant woman's dream. I was in heaven! It was a perfect Seattle day, 65 degrees and sunny and the air was filled with fried food and sweet treats.

The hubby was so eager to get me anything I could imagine. Last year we shared the most insane corn dog so that was top on our list this year. We also tried crepes, Korean tacos, roasted corn, ice cream and a couple more I can't think of right now. All in all it was a great day. We sun bathed under the needle and took our shoes off and walked in the grass near some statues. I felt super pregnant and got my first unsolicited comments about my belly. Which to me felt great. I know now I look pregnant enough for people to ask me when I am due. I am past the point where someone would be nervous to ask for fear I might just be fat. =)

Here are some pictures from our day:

Hubby and I below the Space Needle


Roasted corn, so silly to eat but so amazing


I thought black was slimming...


Lots of people in search of food


It was only 65 degrees but the sun was out and to a kid who lives in Seattle that's warm enough to get into the fountain.


Not a cloud in the sky.. perfect day!

"Wow, baby, this is a really magical time"

When your body gets taken over by pregnancy does everything get thrown out the window when it comes to modesty?

I have always been a very modest person. Even in front of my Mom and little sister. I am modest in front of my husband. I was NEVER one of those girls who after dance class or gym would walk around in my underwear and I always put a towel over the stall when I had to shower in the high-school club house. I don't think this modesty ever came from body image issues. During high-school I had two dance classes and a gym class, in total almost 4 hours of cardio a day, still I didn't flash that body. My sister seems the exact opposite of me. Very comfortable in front of me or my Mom. I think you are born either with or without the modest gene. There could be a little of that Catholic guilt left over in me, but that's a whole other blog.

Well since this little thing called pregnancy took place I seem to have no trouble flashing this ever growing body. Which is odd, because if you were to compare all the shapes I have had over the years this one would be the least attractive. This all came to a head the other night when I stood in the living with just my sleeping bra and tight fitting yoga pants. Standing there, hands on hips, hair all a mess and hubby just sitting there on the couch staring at me. And in one of the best moments so far in this process he used his fantastic humor to put everything into perspective. He looked me up and down and in his deep sarcastic voice said "Wow, baby, this is a really magical time" We both started laughing at the sheer fact I was standing there embracing this new figure with no thought about what other people thought.

I think there just comes a time in pregnancy where you no longer own your body. Therefor it's not your body. You can't get embarrassed by the sounds it makes or the shape it wants to take. You are not in control of it anymore and the more you embrace it and laugh the easier it will be.

However I don't believe the women that say they feel sexy during this time. Those women are crazy or missing a screw in their head. I was at the dog park today sitting on the bench watching my grumpy dog terrorize the other dogs around him and man ( a cute dog loving kinda guy )from across the park noticed me and gave a very nice flirty smile. Of course I smiled back, you can't be rude. Then I stood up to get my dog and the man noticed my bump. His smile vanished as fast as it came. I was like a leper and he turned his face like he could catch what I had. Fantastic, I thought.. I am now officially in the category of scary and unattractive women in the male head. Not like that's a bad thing, I am not sure if I would be comfortable around a man who found pregnancy attractive. Almost like those odd balls who are super skinny and only date obese people, a fetish thing.

Which brings me back to hubby. *nice transition* We were walking around the baby store and he noticed the do it yourself molding kit. You know, the plaster cast some people do of the belly. He said he wanted to do that. Telling a story about how he had friends who did it and he thought it was neat. I gave hubby one of those looks, are you freaking serious? I asked him where he planned on placing this plaster mold of my pregnancy boobs and belly and he thought his office was a nice place or the garage. Yes, honey the garage would be a great place for my naked mold. Right next to your signed naked poster of Elle Macherson (yes he really has a signed poster of her) Again I gave him one of those looks, are you freaking serious? I asked him if during parties we would take it out and use it for a chip and salsa bowl? Jury is still out on whether or not I will allow such mold to me made. Something about cold plaster and a forever reminder that you were once really fat doesn't seem to appeal to me. *note..that's not me in the picture*

What does appeal to me is stripping down to my sleeping gear no matter how unattractive it is. Sometimes you have be comfortable and forget that you could be a stunt double for John Goodman.

Mommy is here.

If someone tells you something or shows you the results of a test sometimes it can still seem untrue. I found it hard to believe that I was pregnant during the first part of this pregnancy. Almost unsure if being excited was the right emotion. I was told by doctors I was pregnant and I saw several ultrasounds that proved something was growing inside me. But I never fully let myself believe it until the other night.

Around 3 in the morning I was awoken by a violent jolt coming from my lower stomach. So far any movement I have felt had been very fluttery or butterfly like nothing that was a jolt. I sat straight up grasped the area of my tummy and then I felt it. Not just inside, my hand felt the kick. It was overwhelming. As if time itself stopped and it was just me in the dark. The movement lasted for over 20 minutes. I just laid there rubbing my hand over my belly.. I found myself talking to the baby. "It's okay baby, Mommy is here" Then it hit me, the tears started, mommy is here.. that mommy is me.

I loved this baby before it was possible to have one. And now to feel the baby makes that love grow so deep I feel overwhelmed. How can you love something so deep that you have never laid eyes on? I can barely breathe now thinking about the moment I get to hold him/her...

I think I got lost in the process of infertility... a ship on a rough sea. I could always see the light house in the distance but the light seemed so far away, never catching up to it. I caught up to it at 3am... grasping my stomach and crying. I was found.

hot flashes and surgical masks

Oh, what a couple of days we have had! Turns out the hubby was able to catch the worlds worst head cold the week it finally turned sunny in Seattle. And to add injury to his already throbbing head his beloved Yankees are in town to play the Mariners. I doubt we will end up going to any of the games with the way he feels. I am bummed by this news because I wanted to wear my super cute Yankees maternity shirt. Show my Yankee pride across my belly. The hubby and I tease that if we have a boy we will tie down his right hand and make him a left handed pitcher. With dreams of him playing for the Yankees. *but that's if we have a boy... a girl I see her New York bond as a Rockette*

Hubby's head cold has turned out to be one of the sweetest events to happen in our house. He is so worried about me getting the cold he insists on wearing a surgical mask around the house. He also walks around with a purell bottle and I am not allowed to touch anything he has without immediately washing my hands. I find this whole crazy mask wearing drama to be super sweet. He is so sensitive and protective of this little baby growing in my belly. Who cares if our house looks like you have entered the Twilight Zone or China.
But there is one thing I have learned this week. My Mother was right: being pregnant in the summer time is awful!! Seattle doesn't get too hot, we average in the summer around 70 degrees with a light breeze. But every once in awhile a heat wave will come through and has me grasping for air. And Seattle properties don't have AC! So here I am pregnant in 90 degree weather with a sick husband and no air conditioner in place!! Hubby was feeling way to sick to install both our window units but was able to at least get the one in the bedroom up and running. Darwin (the dog) and I have basically camped out on the bed worshiping the cooler air. You can either find me in front of that AC or taking an ice cold bath. I have never really been one for heat but who knew adding a baby to your belly would make the heat even more unbearable! I think we go back to rain and overcast on Monday and as much as I complain about the rain, during this pregnancy I am VERY happy with it! Bring on the gray skies and below average temperatures, my belly and me appreciate it!

Mom's Voice.

This video was sent to me by hubby. This really is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. It's a video of a baby hearing his mother's voice for the first time after getting the Cochlear ear implant. The power of a mother's voice.



Makes me think about how powerful my mother's voice is to me. Just hearing her makes me feel better. When she was visiting I could hear her humming in the other room and I remember thinking how relaxing it is to hear that.

They say at the end of this month the baby can fully hear what's going on outside of the womb. The baby can even put it's hands over it's ear if the sound is too loud. I wonder if my baby can hear me sing to him/her or hear how low and deep hubby's voice can get. As we talk to the belly I keep thinking only a couple more months and we can hold the baby in our arms and hum her/him to sleep like our moms did.

Tears and binge eating.

If it wasn't obvious by my belly that I am pregnant then my eating and mood swings are a sure give away. Both of which came shinning through yesterday. I think I need to get the hubby a seat belt because I feel we just hit the crazy train and it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Hubby had the day off yesterday so we did very domestic errands and house work. Our first stop was to Lowes to return blinds my Mom and I had ordered for the nursery. Apparently my Mom and I can't measure and if anyone knows us well enough would question why hubby would put us in charge of this anyway. We were a whole foot off! I had the original receipt to the blinds and Lowes gives full refunds even if it was my mistake for measuring wrong. Catch is that you can never really return anything to store without something or someone making it difficult. I don't need to get in the dramatics of the whole return diabolical but let's just say everyone has a story similar to this and like normal people, move on. The situation was solved somewhat, let me rephrase that, hubby stepped in when he saw that I had taken the conversation to level 10 and we now had the blinds in our hands. Afterward we walked through the store looking for a new fan. Between the hardware section and the refrigerators I started to get teary eyed! Seriously, upset about something I would pay no mind too. I even had to question my sanity at that moment. I was crying over the return policy at Lowes?!? And to make matters worse I couldn't stop thinking about it. We are driving home and I again bring it up and start to cry. At this point in the story I am sure you are like me and are wondering what in the world is hubby doing? He is a normal man, type A personality, not one for the dramatics of life. He just allows this crazy behavior to continue like a nature observer not wanting to poke the bear at the zoo. Poor guy doesn't know weather to pull the car over, laugh or run for the hills. And just as quickly as the tears started, they stop. And this crazy train doesn't stop at this incident, oh no.. it continues into the evening.

I was laying in bed, tossing and turning. Trying very hard to shake the overwhelming feeling that I needed to eat. It was about 9 at night. I had already eaten dinner earlier but I just couldn't shake the feeling of starvation. I tried to convince myself that if I fell asleep I would eat a big breakfast in the morning but I felt possessed, something forced me down to the kitchen. Hubby was watching TV confused why I was up so late only to get the phrase "must eat. now" Again he stared at me like he was watching a National Geographic special: crazy pregnant eaters. I proceeded to make myself a turkey sandwich with the works and then heat up left over mashed potatoes and gravy. I ate everything with record speed. As if I was being timed. This whole event took place in under 10 minutes. I kissed the hubby goodnight his eyes still wide eyed and told me it looked like the scene from A Christmas Story, "show mommy how the little piggy eats" We both laughed, the whole day was filled with my crazy pregnant behavior why would night be any different. I went back up stairs and into bed. Full belly and full heart. My baby was at peace and my husband loved me even when I was knee deep in crazy and mashed potatoes.

5 months and 2 weeks.

The hubby calls this picture my B&B shot. Boobs and Belly. He now uses this photo as his screen saver on his phone. (very excited future daddy) I had just a little to much bed head to make a face appearance when this shot was taken.

The baby now has sleep and awake times. Seems to be an early bird, making the most movement around 5 am and then again around noon. The books say that most babies keep this schedule when they are born. Hmmmm, I am cool with the noon activity but 5am. Maybe I can change his/her habits by November. Go sit in my new rocking chair and put the baby back to sleep while still in belly. We aren't at the point yet where hubby can feel the movement. We are really looking forward to that, now it's just me telling him the baby is moving. The movement to me feels very ocean like. If that makes sense. The belly is the ocean and the baby a fish and you can feel the waves. Odd I know but that is what it reminds me of. So when the baby is really moving I start quoting Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming, swimming". ( you need to see Finding Nemo to get that )

I seem to have found my appetite again. Which in a very serendipitous moment I tried to weight myself and my scale ran out of batteries. I can't decide if I should change the batteries or just what tell my next appointment in a couple weeks to see how much I have been able to put back on. I think I will wait, why ruin a beautiful thing like desert every once in awhile? I think most everyone would agree to wait. I don't want to take away mornings like the one I had today. I woke hubby bright and early and gave him two choices, Ihop pancakes ( cause I love their strawberry syrup ) or our local diner for french toast. I was a very happy mommy-to-be eating french toast!

Just keep swimming..swimming

The iphone and ultrasounds.

It's not much of a secret that I cry at certain commercials. I am a marketers dream viewer, I am their target audience. The latest commercial to make me cry is the new iphone face to face feature. The water works really start happening when you get to the ultrasound couple. Goodness!! Watch the youtube video below and you will see what I mean. Kudios to Apple and their genius marketing team.. you got me!



And if your heart can take one more sentimental moment watch the google commercial below... this one played during the super bowl and months later I am still a sucker for it.

Old Wives Tales and Myths.

If you are ever searching the internet (like my Mom) or listening to Ellen (my Avo) then you have run across some pretty silly ways to predict the gender of your baby. So I thought I would try some of these tall tales and we will see in a couple months if they come true.

1st theory: heartbeat

"If you're having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140."

My baby has always clocked in around 150 sometimes even 155. So by this theory, girl.

2nd theory: Craving Something…Sweet?

"Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can't get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you."

I haven't had to many cravings if any at all. I do however enjoy really fresh fruit. I have never really been that into chocolate. So we can either say I am enjoying sweet fresh fruit because its finally summer and they are in season or we can say this theory predicts a boy.

3rd theory: Weight gain

"Thankfully, this one doesn't refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn't put on a pound, then you're carrying a boy."

Well I am not going to throw hubby under the bus here but I will say he does have sympathy hunger for me so according to this theory, girl.

4th theory: Is the face round and full?

"Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby's sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl"

This is a hard one because I have always had a very round face. I also have very fair skin so any type of physical activity brings on a very rosy tint to my face. So by this theory I have always been pregnant with a girl.

5th theory: What Your Urine Says

"Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl."

I AM SO NOT DOING THIS ONE!!

6th theory: The Necklace

"Hold a pendant over your hand. If the necklace swings back and forth, you're having a boy. If it is more of a circular motion, then it's a girl. This can also be done by suspending a ring on a string above your belly."

Okay, let me go get a necklace. *also a quick stop to the ladies room* I did the test. Trying my best to not in influence the necklace I would say it made more of a circular motion. So, girl.

7th theory: Just Ask Yourself

"In a study that asked women with no previous knowledge about their baby's sex, the moms-to-be correctly guessed the sex of their baby 71% of the time."

I can honestly say that I have NO IDEA what I am carrying. I don't have a feeling in either direction. And when I dream about the baby, there is no clear sign in my dream what gender.

I do know that when the moment comes and they tell us either boy or girl it won't matter to us. We are just happy to have him/her after all these years.

The Half Way Point.

We made it to the half way point, well, a couple days after the half way point. There is a nice round bump to prove it. I officially only wear maternity clothes now and thanks to my Mom's visit I have a couple new shirts to prance around in. My Mom also held a bra intervention with me at Pea in the Pod and I now sport the best new bra ever!! Seriously, did you know Spanx makes bras? Either did I. Well, the one I have is super comfy and as my Mom put it "contains" the situation I have growing on my chest. I had no idea I had moved up the ladder of letters on the bra scale but I am happy to report I didn't freak out to bad releasing I was now a D... besides D stands for 'damn good' =)

Speaking of my Mom we had such a great visit while she was in town. She is such an amazing Mom and I am so lucky to be able to share this experience with her.
I feel she is the third person in this infertility mess we went through. She was always the first person to get the sobbing phone call when procedures didn't work. I look back now and that was a lot of baggage she took on. Never once complaining about being my sounding board and always being available to me. She took on so much emotional stress for me and I am so grateful for her support. So having her here to decorate the nursery and be here for the big ultrasound seemed VERY fitting. Thank you Mom from the bottom of my heart!

While my Mom was here we had the big ultrasound! It was fantastic! We had to schedule the appointment for 7:15am so hubby could get to work. Needless to say I was up at 4:30am just way to excited to sleep! Here are some snap shots:


The ultrasound tech said the baby looked great and everything was working the right way. We were able to see everything BUT the gender. Hubby really wants to have the big surprise although I am not the biggest fan of this idea I understand where he is coming from and respect that. I also look at this way, he went through so much during the infertility years and gave me so much to have this baby I think not knowing the gender is the least I could do. We did get some news from the ultrasound which I have been trying to process the past couple of days. It appears our baby is in the 97% range in weight and height!! Even though I lost weight during the first and part of the second trimester the baby was still able to grow and grow. Genetics is the factor here. Hubby and I are tall and both were very large babies. Me @ 9lbs 3oz and hubby clocking in at healthy 10 pounds! The baby growth even bumped us up a week. I was 19 weeks but the ultrasound tech that the baby's growth was at 20 weeks. We will see if this makes my amazing doctor move up the due date. *crossing fingers* it will! I wish we could of stayed at the ultrasound appointment all day. While watching the screen a certain song kept playing in my head. The chorus mostly: "wild horses, couldn't drag me away and wild horses couldn't drag me away" *song below*

30 Minutes of Wonderful

My Mom is coming in tonight. We are going to get the baby's room all ready. Pick out furniture and get my registry all ready for the baby shower. My Mom is the queen of registry and I couldn't imagine trying to go at it without her. She will also be here for the big 20 week ultrasound.

So I needed to get the house all clean for her visit. I don't know about you but I don't clean without a movie on. I know this sounds odd but I need something to distract me from the fact I am cleaning. So today HBO was showing a movie I have seen over three hundred times. And that is not an understatement. I think all the women in my family have seen this movie so many times we could act it out at family functions.

As I am dusting the dinning room table the scene where Shelby tells her mom she's pregnant comes on and hits me like a ton of bricks. Just that line:

"I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful then a lifetime of nothing special"

*the scene starts at the 3:30 mark*


Although I can't relate to Shelby completely, she has type 1 diabetes and is advised not to have a child because of the huge complications and toll it would cause her already failing body. I understand her plea that her life wouldn't be fulfilled without a child of her own. As if her time on the earth would be wasted or in vain.

I have re-watched the scene a number of times today. And I placed myself in her mom's shoes and then again in Shelby's. Explaining her desire to someone who never had to struggle seems to be a common theme in other infertility blogs I read. There always seem to be a wall to break through or a person to convince. But like Shelby I think the choice is personal and one that has to be made with or without the support of others. I just feel after watching the scene I am lucky to have had the support of my family and friends and even the support of people I have connected with on this blog. In the end we are all searching for a those '30 mintues of wonderful'.

Dorothy & Me.

Last night laying in bed unable to find sleep I started thinking about my favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz. Yes, I have loved this movie since the age of 4 and still find myself watching it when it comes on TV and even jamming out to the soundtrack in my car. I mean come on, I walked down the aisle at my wedding to 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow.' This movie is in me.

Well, after much thought and analyst on my late night brain. I found a lot of connection between Dorothy's journey home to my journey with fertility. Yes, I can take a movie for kids and use it find fertility meaning behind it. Just like I can take any family drama, event or business transaction and relate it to the Godfather. Some may call this odd, I simply call it talent.

Here's my thought process:

Dorothy goes on this journey she never wanted to be on in the first place. Thrown into this whole new world full of strange people and she is forced to second guess everything she has ever known. Hello?!?! Does that not sound like a girl we know..me! I didn't want to go down the infertility journey but there I was two years ago staring at my own yellow brick road. Meeting very strange doctors and nurses who keep feeding information about baby making that didn't match up to what I was taught in school.

So there's Dorothy needing guidance, someone she can trust. In comes Glinda. I relate Glinda to your best friend or your Mom.. a girlfriend that takes the journey with you. Never giving you more advice then you can handle but always had the right answers for you when you needed them. At least that's how I see my Mom. She tells you that the path your on is the right one all the while fighting the evil witch of infertility with you.

Yes in this story infertility is played by the Wicked Witch of the West.


So you go on the journey down the yellow brick road. The first person you meet is your normal, everyday run of the mill OB/GYN, or the Scarecrow. Most women go to the same OB for years. There is a bond there, you're comfortable with them. But as I experienced most OB's have no clue where to begin with infertility. They give you a line just like out of the movie "You could go this way, or you could go that way"

You continue down the yellow brick road of fertility in the direction the Scarecrow gave you. Where does that yellow road lead? A big tall steel building that lacks heart and human emotion. You get to meet your first infertility doctor or as I like to call mine the Tin Man. If you remember in the movie the Tin Man had no heart, lost it. Just like the doctors I met. They forget about the human condition - that longing for babies, their heart doesn't see you only their wallets. What does Dorothy have to give the Tin Man to even move, oil. What did I have to give the doctors to even sit with me, money.

The Tin Man leads you even deeper down the yellow brick road. And this is where you meet yourself. You've come so far, you are almost there and then you start to doubt. Do I have the courage to continue? Am I strong enough for this? The doubt eats at you, your isolated in a forest of emotion just like The Cowardly Lion.

But you push through. And with infertility there is ALWAYS a set back. There is always a way that the evil witch will hurt you. And just like the movie Glinda will show up and help you. (thanks Mom) She'll make it snow so that the poppies won't get you and somehow it picks you up enough to continue.

When you finally have made up your mind and you have the plan in hand you see the solution at the end of the yellow brick road. The Emerald City is in view!
You would be wise to note the color of the Emerald City, green. The color of money.

Dorothy finally gets into to see the Wizard. The Wizard puts her on another crazy journey. Or in my case, a flight to Europe. Where like Dorothy, I had to fight the good fight, get in there and get the job done. And just like Dorothy I slayed that evil witch of infertility. I got back on the plane and went back home.

On the journey Dorothy had to deal with her own misgivings about herself. Was she smart enough, have enough heart, brave enough to handle the path at hand. And just like Dorothy I had to learn the power to achieve my dreams was always inside of me. I took this yellow brick road unsure of myself and who I was as a person and in the end weather there was a baby at the end or not I learned to trust myself and trust the person I had become.

And when I read the positive pregnancy stick and my hubby placed his hand on my tummy in that moment we became a family. A family that truly defines the last motto of the movie, "There is no place like home."

Google Baby

So the hubby and I resubscribed to HBO so I could watch the third season of True Blood. My favorite show on TV. An added bonus to my love of campy, soap opera like vampire tales is we get all the amazing documentaries that HBO shares. The other night we were glued to the screen watching a documentary called 'Google Baby' here's the trailer:



I watched an Oprah a couple years back about a woman going to India to have a surrogate carry her embryos after several miscarriages. Basically this movie expands on that idea but shows the side of the clinic and the people who profit off of this procedure. The whole time I was watching this show I couldn't help but judge. I would catch myself judging the people but I had to always remember that I was apart of it as well. In a small way my husband and I participated in this culture of baby profiting.

I wasn't judging the women in India who were surrogates. The financial gain for these women is immeasurable. Many were able to help their own children attend school, raise their families out of poverty and for some gain financial freedom from their abusive husbands. The women also had a very spiritual connection to the process and a huge sense of pride.

I also don't judge the women who use surrogates. Just like myself, the desire to have your own child can't be measured. And sometimes the craziest methods to gain that child is what you have to do. There is and never have been any judgment there on my part.

My soul issue came from the men. The movie profiles a man in Israel who wants to start a company taking eggs from American donors, then using sperm from infertile or gay couples in Europe and making embryos. Then placing those embryos in the India surrogates. This crazy line of eggs, sperm and womb can have your head spinning if you haven't been knee deep in the infertility world. There is reason behind this globe trotting track to make babies. First, American egg donors are the most desired in the fertility race and second India surrogates are the cheapest. This man had pure dollar signs in his eyes. Not only did his eyes see green with this plan but the American donor company as well were all too willing to get there hands on that green.

A little back story: I know a girl who did egg donation. And it was a horror for her. The pay was miserable to what she had to do and learned quickly that she was just a uterus with eggs to profited on. They placed her on so much medication she didn't know which way was up or which way was down. In the end she provided the clinic with a mind blowing 15 plus eggs. So in my head when it was my turn to be shot up with infertility medication I thought I would have more eggs then I knew what to do with, right?!? I had 7 and only 2 survived. And in this movie they show a lady getting shot up with what I would say 4 times the amount of medication I took and she ended up with 30! 30 eggs!!! Why would I have only 7 and donors have triple that? One word: MONEY. The more eggs the clinic gets the more money it makes.

I guess what it boils down to for me and it always had since day one of starting my infertility journey that there is always someone who will try to profit off of desire and the people who are doing the most work or who are taking the greatest risk get the least out of the experience. There is always a middle man in this game. Someone making a lot of money off couples wanting a child. I don't think its just IVF patients or surrogates that get fleeced. You can look at adoption. It can be just as expensive to adopt as it can be to go though IVF. It's just heartbreaking to me.

But there was one more thing I learned from watching this documentary. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER have a C-section in this small India clinic. I nearly lost my dinner after those scenes. WOW!

Pregnant or Fat?

The new game at my house is called pregnant or fat? It's a very simple game. I come down stairs in an outfit and I ask my husband, 'do I look pregnant or fat?' If there is a pause or any kind of hesitation on his part I know 'fat' is the answer. If he looks straight at my belly in disbelief at how big it's got and proceeds to want to touch it, I know 'pregnant'. It's a fun and helpful game. Anyone can play this game expect for the woman at the maternity store.

Trying on clothes at a maternity store is like eating a large bowl of creamy pasta, drinking 3 large glasses of soda and then trying on bikinis only to have other women judge you. Super fun! If you don't have your big girl panties on for this shopping experience it's best to just head over to the cookie stand and eat your feelings.

The problem with the women working at the maternity stores are that they are just way to helpful. I know this sounds odd, why would a helpful sales woman be an issue. Well, the issues is... I don't want to bothered! No one bothers you at Macy's or Old Navy. In fact if you want help at 'normal' stores you have to seek it. *expect for Nordstroms, and I would never say anything bad about the holy land that is Nordies, I was raised right*

There are few stores that are for pregnant ladies, so these small maternity stores pride themselves on costumer service. You can't walk in three feet without someone asking how far along you are, what are you looking for and the killer question, what size where you before you got pregnant? To me that's like asking an alcoholic what their favorite drink was before the DUI and rehab. It's just plain rude! It would be like someone asking you, 'before you got fat and your ass became the size of Texas did you wear a size 6 or 8?'

I wouldn't say I am a style expert but I was raised by a very stylish mother. I have also read Elle and Vogue a couple times in my lifetime. I think if someone would categorize my style it would be pacific northwest casual. Dark denim, plan solid shirt with flip flops. All well fitted items but nothing with much flare. I also know my body type. It's an hourglass figure with a couple extra hours on it. Just knowing these simple facts about myself and being comfortable in my own skin makes the sales ladies squirm.

I tried on several pairs of capri pants and had little luck with finding something that a) fit my body type and b) made me look pregnant not fat. The sales lady would keeping asking, 'how's it going' and I would simply say not well. I showed the ladies the issues I was having and it was like holding a seminar. It was as if it never dawned on them that a pregnant woman doesn't want to look fat. DUH! Even the guy refinishing the dressing room next to me understood this fact. Although it was kind of creepy when he would comment on certain outfits. But I won't judge him, he said I had nice legs and enjoyed the color purple on me.

I guess this whole rant it about choice. There is little to no choice in clothes for pregnant ladies. Sure, sure celebrities have maternity lines but I didn't spend over $50 bucks on jeans before why would I start when I was pregnant and could only wear them for 7 months? I want to be that cute pregnant lady, simple, classy and pregnant looking.

I will say one positive thing about maternity clothes. Whoever invented pants with the large nylon type band that goes over the belly should really win a Nobel Peace Prize. I would like to shake their hand that say thank you, I may wear pants like this for the rest of my life.