Thursday, May 20, 2010

Pregnant or Fat?

The new game at my house is called pregnant or fat? It's a very simple game. I come down stairs in an outfit and I ask my husband, 'do I look pregnant or fat?' If there is a pause or any kind of hesitation on his part I know 'fat' is the answer. If he looks straight at my belly in disbelief at how big it's got and proceeds to want to touch it, I know 'pregnant'. It's a fun and helpful game. Anyone can play this game expect for the woman at the maternity store.

Trying on clothes at a maternity store is like eating a large bowl of creamy pasta, drinking 3 large glasses of soda and then trying on bikinis only to have other women judge you. Super fun! If you don't have your big girl panties on for this shopping experience it's best to just head over to the cookie stand and eat your feelings.

The problem with the women working at the maternity stores are that they are just way to helpful. I know this sounds odd, why would a helpful sales woman be an issue. Well, the issues is... I don't want to bothered! No one bothers you at Macy's or Old Navy. In fact if you want help at 'normal' stores you have to seek it. *expect for Nordstroms, and I would never say anything bad about the holy land that is Nordies, I was raised right*

There are few stores that are for pregnant ladies, so these small maternity stores pride themselves on costumer service. You can't walk in three feet without someone asking how far along you are, what are you looking for and the killer question, what size where you before you got pregnant? To me that's like asking an alcoholic what their favorite drink was before the DUI and rehab. It's just plain rude! It would be like someone asking you, 'before you got fat and your ass became the size of Texas did you wear a size 6 or 8?'

I wouldn't say I am a style expert but I was raised by a very stylish mother. I have also read Elle and Vogue a couple times in my lifetime. I think if someone would categorize my style it would be pacific northwest casual. Dark denim, plan solid shirt with flip flops. All well fitted items but nothing with much flare. I also know my body type. It's an hourglass figure with a couple extra hours on it. Just knowing these simple facts about myself and being comfortable in my own skin makes the sales ladies squirm.

I tried on several pairs of capri pants and had little luck with finding something that a) fit my body type and b) made me look pregnant not fat. The sales lady would keeping asking, 'how's it going' and I would simply say not well. I showed the ladies the issues I was having and it was like holding a seminar. It was as if it never dawned on them that a pregnant woman doesn't want to look fat. DUH! Even the guy refinishing the dressing room next to me understood this fact. Although it was kind of creepy when he would comment on certain outfits. But I won't judge him, he said I had nice legs and enjoyed the color purple on me.

I guess this whole rant it about choice. There is little to no choice in clothes for pregnant ladies. Sure, sure celebrities have maternity lines but I didn't spend over $50 bucks on jeans before why would I start when I was pregnant and could only wear them for 7 months? I want to be that cute pregnant lady, simple, classy and pregnant looking.

I will say one positive thing about maternity clothes. Whoever invented pants with the large nylon type band that goes over the belly should really win a Nobel Peace Prize. I would like to shake their hand that say thank you, I may wear pants like this for the rest of my life.

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