Pictures

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

She's Here!

Juliette Michelle:

Born: Monday, November 15, 2010 @ 11: 34 am

Thank You.

We are in the home stretch. Not only does the calendar say that but writing this blog and having to sit in the chair and the fact that the baby is literally putting both feet through my rib cage tells me.. ITS TIME TO BE DONE!!

Hubby asked me the other day what the blog will become after baby arrives. I told him I wasn't to sure. He suggested a 'mommy' type blog or even just a 'family' blog where our family members can see pictures and hear stories.

Maybe we just call it the misadventures of motherhood... I don't know. I think it will happen more organically, just like the beginning of the blog. Who knows if I will even have a brain to type down thoughts in the next couple of months.

I do however feel really strongly about infertility and that this blog has really helped me cope with the depression I was feeling and the loneliness that came with it. I don't see myself just waking away from it. Like, well.. I made it.. so I am out. That's not me, I am still enraged when I hear celebrity stories about their fertility and they deny using fertility treatments and act like the thought of it is so disturbing to them. (Ya, I am talking to you Mariah Carrey) I still own my struggle and feel passion towards letting the world know infertility isn't an issue to be swept under the carpet.

With that being said, I really want to take time to say Thank You. If you look at my blog you don't see a lot of people writing in the comment section. And that's okay, cause I know that the majority of people reading my blog don't know how to leave comments or don't have accounts to login in to do it. But I know people are reading. I get emails from friends and family and sometimes when they call they mention something from the blog and in my head I am thinking "I don't remember telling them that, oh they read that in the blog." This blog even connected to me to another infertile in Seattle and we were able to go on a couple lunch outings to talk about her future journey into IVF. And on the side of the blog there is a tracker and I see people reading the blog as far away as Europe.

Thank you for reading. I find a lot of comfort knowing that when I hit publish my words are being read. I feel validated.

I won't stop the blog come Monday, it feels to good to be heard, even if the person listening is a stranger.

The reality of parenthood.

I was finally struck in the head last night with what Oprah would call an 'awe ha' moment. Where reality meets you head on and you become aware of something so completely obvious.

I am going to be a parent. DUH! That's not the 'awe ha' moment. I am going to be a co-parent. That's were the light bulb went off and the immediate confusion and fear set in.

Why would I use the word 'fear' when presented with the co-parenting thought. Well, because it's the fear of the unknown. With hubby it's the two of us. Making compromises and decisions based on two people. Well, throw a monkey wrench in that because now the two of us are going to make decisions for the THREE of us!

Hubby and I talk about everything... before we got married we talked about finances, religion, jobs and family. Some people called us unromantic because we had these really un-fun, un-sexy talks about what we wanted from the marriage. But, hey.. look at all the people that get married that don't talk about that stuff. We didn't want to get into something and then down the road run into a problem and realize.. wait, I didn't know that about you or that's not how you presented yourself.

So of course we talked about how we wanted to raise a child. We agree 99.9% on things we can predict now. We aren't naive enough to think we can discuss all the issues that will arise now and be on the same page. Goodness, the teen years alone kills 90% of parents. But we are on the same team and agree with each other on the basics. And we also take into account people change and we work through those things together.

Well, last night we got to talking about something and there was a clear line in the sand. One wanted something and the other wanted something else in regards to the child. It felt like the fable where the two mom's are holding on to the arms of the child and pulling in opposite directions. Then it hit me the 'awe ha'.. ohhhhh... right now the baby is ALL mine. I mean it's living inside me, it needs me to grow, it's literally apart of me. But come Monday, I have to share.

This may sounds really odd that I would just now be thinking like this. But I think during pregnancy you become very self important. It really is all about the mom and her experience during the pregnancy. Keep the mom happy, keep her healthy all to make sure the little baby in her belly stays peaceful and happy too. Basically, I have been making all the decision thus far. Come Monday, it becomes 'our' decisions.

Hubby is an amazing husband, a great son and to top it all off adores my family. There is no question in my mind what so ever about his ability to be a fantastic father. In fact, when thinking about him being nurturing and all daddy like to our baby I seem to fall more in love with him.

So why the fear of co-parenting? Because it's new, because I am in new mommy mode where everything in the near future seems scary and foreign. But when we finished last nights conversation I was at ease. Hubby and I will always find a middle ground somewhere, we will be a united front in this parenthood battle and we remember that plenty of parents have survived and came out the other end with only minor bumps and bruises.

This is a new adventure in our relationship. And I am lucky to have hubby on my team.

Signs.

Do you believe in signs?

My Avo (grandma) does and she feels that she got a sign telling her that this baby is a boy. She called me this morning to let me know.

If you don't know already we have two names picked out for this little one. If it's a girl we are going to name her Juliette after Avo's sister Julie and if it's a boy we are naming him Milo. Milo is hubby's favorite name because growing up he listened and still does listen to a group called the Descendants, it's a punk band and hubby has every album. The lead singer of that group is Milo and hubby's favorite album is 'Milo goes to college'. Below is the album cover:


Anyway... my Mom's family is all ranchers and dairy farmers. So when we first told them the name Milo they were a little taken back. Little did hubby and I know, milo is a type of grain. They couldn't believe we were going to name our son after grain. In fact, they voiced very strongly their concerns with the name. But, hubby wasn't about to give up the name he has been dreaming about so the family was going to have to get use to the idea. It's a 50/50 shot of Juliette or Milo.

Well, this morning Avo called me and told me she got a sign. She was driving around some farm country in Idaho and said she looked over and saw a huge field of milo growing. And in Idaho it's very rare to see milo. In fact she has been living out in farm country for over 40 years and has never seen it grow in Idaho. She took this as a sign that I am having a boy and his name will be Milo.

I asked her, why couldn't it of been a field full of daisies!!! Which was Julie's favorite flower. That would of been a sign for a girl ( which I am hoping for ) she just had to look over and see Milo!!

This is what a field of milo looks like:


This sign makes hubby very happy. Even though he doesn't believe in signs he will take this one. He also thinks it's a sign that maybe that side of the family will come around to the name as well.

In 6 days we will find out... Juliette or Milo?

The Final Countdown.

You know the epic and timeless song by Europe 'The Final Countdown'... come on don't act like you don't know what song I am talking about. If you need help remembering the song and how amazing the 80s hair bands were click on the below youtube video.

I think it's pretty obvious why this song would be running in my head. It's not the only one I seem to be replaying. 'Eye of the Tiger', 'Hungry like the Wolf' and the Rocky Theme play at random in my over active music brain.

I think these songs are also popular for marathon runners who need a little motivation at the last mile of their run. Get a little pop back into their groove.

I need these songs and other reminders that I am in the home stretch. And being in the home stretch I need to give myself more credit and really cherish the final moments of this pregnancy.

It hasn't really hit me that this pregnancy is almost over. I believe that it's my way of not getting to over emotional about the future. I need to put some sort of wall up and pretend to be blissfully unaware of the week ahead. Hubby and I still make lots of comments like "this time next week our world is going to change" or "I can't believe we are almost there" or we look at Darwin and give him advance apologies for the way this baby will change his life.

Could it be it's just to hard to really imagine... to really be aware that it's almost here. It's almost over and the same time just beginning. Can I really wrap my head around that? I can plan the birth to the day. I can stock pile the house with things we will need. I can precook and freeze meals. I can read books and talk all day about new mommy stuff. But can I really grasp that I will soon be using all those things?

No, I can't imagine it. Because no amount of getting the house ready, getting my body ready.. getting Darwin ready for that matter is going to even compare to what will really happen this time next week.

It's the final countdown... it's the eye of the tiger. It's the little engine that could. 'I think I can I think I can I think I can"

Black is slimming.. right?!?

You ever wake up in the morning, get ready, check yourself out in the mirror and see this :
I swear the first thought that came to my head while doing the once over in the mirror was that I am starting to look like either Tweedle Dee or Tweedle Dumm. My body type is now this large mass in the middle with arms that hang to the side. This made me laugh.. so I decided to minimize the roundness and try a fashion trick. I put on my black yoga pants, black tank top and for a splash of color my grey cardigan. I came down the stairs to show the hubby and he said "wow, all black today"... then I reminded him that black is slimming and don't I look super thin?!? We both laughed and both agreed that I looked like a super model today, a super plus sized model.. but a model just the same.

Here's Darwin and I in our all black outfits having a lazy Sunday. 9 months pregnant with one week to go!



Had one of the best moments of my pregnancy so far last night. They say that fetal movement will go down a bit in the last month ( due to lack of space ) but you should still monitor it and make sure you feel the baby tossing and turning in there every once in awhile. Well, last night this little one was napping just a little to much for me and I hadn't felt much movement. I couldn't fall asleep because I was worried about the lack of movement so I went to hubby to see if he could feel anything. I get in the living room and lay on the floor and ask him to come over and place his hands on my belly. He did, but he also put his face right to the belly and started talking. The moment he said "baby, it's me" I felt this HUGE kick. Hubby stopped talking for a moment and we both looked at each other in amazement. Do it again, I said. He did and each time he spoke the baby would react. It was so magical. I don't think I will ever forget that. It's moments like that which help this final week seem SO WORTH IT. No matter how uncomfortable I am, to share that with hubby makes everything seems fantastic.

They say when the baby is born and it hears the voices of it's parents it will turn it's head to search for them. Hubby has such a deep voice that I know this baby will search the moment he/she hears him.

9 months and acting like a baby.

Being 9 months pregnant is just boot camp for having a child around. I think it's some sort of sick initiation into motherhood. Instead of making your last month before being a mom a peaceful, restful and relaxing time your body betrays you and makes it impossible to do anything with some sort of extreme effort or discomfort. Case in point:

Yesterday I needed to run some errands. See post below for my shopping list. I also had lunch out in public and took the dog to the dog park. Busy day for a 9 month pregnant woman.. and hour errand for any normal lady. Being 9 months pregnant is like having a baby already.

- No one looks at you when your 9 months pregnant...well, they look at you, the part of you that is the size of watermelon. There is no more eye contact, eyes go straight to the belly. Your either the cautionary whale to teenagers, the pity look from women or the look of amazement from men. And when you are with your baby, no one looks at you anymore.. eyes straight to the baby.

- When out and about and 9 months pregnant just like with a child you need to know where ALL the restrooms are in the store you are at. Because at any moment the baby is going to kick you in the bladder and all you have is seconds to find a bathroom. Or with a child learning to potty train, again you have seconds to get that kid on the potty.

- Errands involving either a pregnant lady or baby wraps around their feeding schedule. A pregnant lady needs to graze and when the urge comes to eat you must feed that beast immediately. Just like a baby, feeding is top priority.

- Good luck walking a normal or relatively fast pace. The waddle is an art form. Two legs about 5 feet apart trying to balance a very large belly and swollen woman. If you look at a 9 month pregnant woman waddling it looks very similar to a one year old baby learning to walk. Both unsure if walking is necessary and both needing to hold things for balance.

- But before you ever make it out of the house you need to have a good nights sleep or nap. Have you ever taken a baby or toddler out during nap time or after a bad night? Not a good idea. Have you ever been around a 9 month pregnant woman who gets only about 3 - 4 hours of sleep due to discomfort, again bad idea.

So when you get back in your car after running errands you realize you have only done 2 out of the 6 things on your list. Your exhausted, moody and hungry. You think to yourself was it even worth getting in your car in the first place to attempt errands. Just like with a baby, is it even worth the hassle of trying to take him/her anywhere but the living room?

To help finish my list today, I am taking hubby with me. He doesn't know it yet but I sure he will be more then happy to drag me around the mall trying to find the perfect lounge pants for my future c-section belly. Just like with having a baby, you tend to do better with a partner. 9 months pregnant, it takes team work. I mean come on, it's not like he is an innocent in this..it take two to tango and this baby is half his. =)

Julia Ormond and packing.

I have fantastic news!!! WE FOUND OUR PEDIATRICIAN LAST NIGHT!! Can you hear the choir of angels singing as I say that? Or Chevy Chase singing "Joy To The World," I sure can.

It is a large clinic but there is no way to get around that in Seattle. There is no mom and pop baby doctors around here and I have be able to get over that fact. This clinic is apart of University Washington which has an excellent reputation in pediatric medicine. It's super close to the house and the parking is free. The doctor use to be a pediatric nurse who has about 5 or so years of being a pediatric doctor under her belt. I knew I would like her the moment she walked in the room because she reminded me of that beautiful actress Julia Ormond. *refer to picture* She looks like her in the remake of Sabrina before Sabrina goes to Paris and gets a make over. She also had really small and delicate hands which if I were a baby would prefer over large ruff hands. She also was super easy going and because she was a nurse first she seemed more in-tune with what new mom's would need. Because we all know that the nurses are the ones that really run the show! Hubby was also impressed with her and as soon as we finished the meeting we both looked at each other and said "yep, she's it". I can't tell you what a relief it is to have this checked off our list. I feel like the biggest weight is off my shoulders and now it's just sit back and relax time. Well, so I thought.. I have one more project: Packing.

Who knew packing for the hospital would actually make hubby and disagree. Hubby thinks the bags should of been packed when we first got pregnant. He's been sitting on go for the past 9 months. And he's been on high alert now since September. Any grunt or moan I make he and Darwin are at my feet checking to make sure I am okay. Both revealed each time the moans are from the energy it takes to roll over at night or the discomfort of a small foot kicking my rib cage. I don't think I need to pack until next weekend. Mostly because everything I need for the hospital I need now. Make up, hair stuff, PJs, slippers... all in use as we speak. But to make him happy I at least brought the small carry-on suit case out and put one pair of underwear in it.

But I decided to google "what to bring to the hospital for a c-section"... oh goodness, bad idea. Maybe I haven't packed for the hospital because the suggestions scared me and if I don't think about it then it won't really happen... right?!?

Suggestions from the internet: (sorry if to graphic)

Depends: yes, adult diapers... seriously, even with a c-section you need these things. I was kind of hoping that one of the positives about a c-section would be they take everything out and there would be no need for messy clean up. Gee, was I wrong.


Socks you don't care about: One woman said that when you stand up sometimes things get messy and you don't want to ruin your own socks. OMG!!!!! That is so wrong on so many levels. Who signed up for this?!?!?!

Special C-Section underwear: recommended the large 'granny panties' where the elastic sits at your navel. Fantastic, not only do you feel like crap but you have to wear underwear that your grandmother owns. But I see the point in this one, no bikini cut panties because that's were the incision will be and the last thing you want is something rubbing up against that.

A long nightgown you can toss after your hospital stay: From what I gather from the internet pants are your worse nightmare, you want something long to wear while you are there. This, I am really not happy about. So I decided to go to Target and get one of those long t shirt pj's with a silly Disney character on it, you know what I am talking about. That has some catch phrase like "Don't wake up Grumpy" on it. Something really tacky, yet functional.

All in all, I think hubby will find me super attractive after this c-section. Depends, dirty socks, granny panties and a Disney shirt. He's going to want to start making a second a baby right away, I just know it.

On another side note: I bought my first baby how-to-book. It was suggested by our new pediatrician. So far I like it (kinda).. it's a simple read and it's not very textbook-ish which helps me stay focused better on it. But, I am now on the breast feeding chapter and I think I was right all along. It's better for me not to know what I am getting into because when you start to read and learn whats about it happen the anticipation seems to be killing me. The anticipation and the fear of actually doing it. I can say that I am really not looking forward to it and I don't feel bad saying that. I think that women who are all about it before they have done it, need their head checked. It's 100% my plan to breast feed but that doesn't mean I have to jump on the train and jump for joy with celebration over that fact. "oh, it's natural, it's so bonding" You know why they say it's bonding?!?! Because a newborn feeds every 2-3 hours, and can take up to an hour a feeding. No joke it's bonding.. your stuck there, literally bonded together!

Oh goodness... I am in for a rude awaking in about 10 days. Wish me luck.

Birthday Wishes.

Today is a great day!!! My best friend's baby was born today exactly one year ago! It was so magical. The moment the final strike was called on game six of the World Series and the Yankees won, I got a text picture of the most beautiful baby girl. She was born the moment the Yankees won! Hubby was jumping around the living room because his beloved Yankees had won and I was right there with him holding the cell phone up with a picture of baby Suzie.

My best friend was there in the trenches with me during my infertility. She too had trouble conceiving, fortunately she was able to produce naturally but it took her a long time. We would call each other for support and we were literally the first people to call when the pee stick turned pink. I think when she called me about Suzie when she was still in the bathroom! She was pregnant with Suzie during the toughest year of my struggle. I did sometimes have a lot of jealousy towards her and sometimes it was to hard to talk to her or see pictures of her growing tummy. But those times were few and far between because of the overwhelming love I had for her new baby. Since we struggled together, her success felt like my success. It felt like Suzie was part mine too.. and to this day I tell my friend that Suzie is mine and she is just holding on to her for me.

Suzie was my hope. I used her as my hopeful beacon. And now almost one year to the date of her birth I am having my own Suzie. And I hope one day the two of them will play and my best friend and I can sit and watch them.
--------------------

I was sent this video from another girlfriend who just celebrated her sons first birthday. It's a video asking mothers what they would tell themselves before they had their baby. I love this video, gave me a tear... okay it gave me a few tears.

I love the line "google doesn't have kids"

Dr. Who?!?!

Song of the day: 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' the Glee version.
click the video below to listen with me.



Finding a pediatrician has become so difficult. If I am not careful here I may start to cry, that's how upset I am about the whole process. I need to remember to breathe and remember we will find someone just as special as the pediatrician I had growing up.. right?!?!

Growing up in Boise I had the worlds BEST, I mean BEST pediatrician. I was his first patient and I stayed with him until I was 18 years old! He was goofy, odd, sweet and most of all completely invested in my health and well being. He wasn't just my pediatrician, he was apart of my childhood. My little sister went to him and every person my Mom referred to him had the same experience. He's fantastic.

I always imagined that I would take my child to him. But as we now know fate had other living arrangements for me and I am not in Boise anymore. Although I have this feeling I may just fly over to Boise for check ups with him. =)

So here we are in Seattle. Searching... and searching. I have taken the recommendations from the pregnant meet up group I am in and have had two interviews with two different doctors. Both interviews had more negatives then positive and left me with this feeling that finding a personal experience in a large city is going to be impossible.

The first interview we had hubby found the clinic to be old and outdated. I agree a little bit with him on that point but I didn't find it to old to be turned off by it. The doctor was nice, a little bit of a fast talker. But she was one of 8 in the clinic and the odds of you always getting to see her was slim. Basically you would see her if you scheduled appointments in advance like well baby check ups. But, I have found that all Seattle clinics run this way. Hubby and I also didn't really care for the fact you have to pay to park at this clinic and the nurses on staff kind of creeped hubby out. They were extremely overbearing and scared him a little.

The second interview we had last night felt like we were on a baby conveyor belt. It was this HUGE clinic. Very clean, new, and all metal. Felt like you placed baby on conveyor belt and it went through the machine and came out the end with a slip of paper with what was wrong. The doctor seemed extremely disinterested in being in a room with us and basically told me new moms are crazy and ask a lot of stupid questions that would be answered by the nurses so he wouldn't have to deal with us that often. It's pretty much understood that all new moms are crazy but to actually verbalize it in a interview totally turned me off. I checked him off my list right after he said that.

So now I am looking at a sheet of paper my OB gave me that has her recommendations on it. After reaching online I have just come to learn that all the clinics here are large and have more then 5 doctors and getting the experience I had in Boise is going to be impossible. Like my Mom pointed out on the phone, Seattle has higher rent and insurance costs so finding a single doctor clinic in my area is just not going to happen.

I now need to accept that. I just hope that in the next couple of days I can meet someone who I like and trust. But like hubby says, if they turn out to be mean or crazy we aren't stuck with them forever we can change doctors.

Who knew that this was going to be an issue. I wish I didn't wait so long to start this process. Now... I just need to tackle packing a bag for the hospital. Oh goodness have I got a blog post about that. =)

As to not make this post I total "Debbie Downer" my friend Cindy gave me a link to the cutest baby girl store. *crossing fingers for a girl* because these outfits are to much to handle!! Check them out if you dare, but be warned the cuteness factor is at a level 10!



www.rufflebutts.com

The Nursery

I took some photos of the nursery today. The nursery is still going to be used as a guest room so keep that in mind. I also don't have any art work up because I am waiting to know the gender. I am going to put up Peter Rabbit art using either blue or pink as the matting. Plus we don't know if the name Juliette or Milo will be displayed over the crib. I am also going to get gender specific rugs, add more color then just green. This weekend hubby and also need to install the curtains.

But I really love this room. It just makes my heart melt seeing all the toys and plush animals. The really soft blankets and the tiny diapers.

*you should be able to click on the pictures to see them larger*

Here's Darwin laying on "his bed"... he really isn't a fan of all the new stuff in this room and each night he walks around the room without fail sniffing everything. He then sighs and jumps on the bed.

The walls are painted in a color called 'breath of spring' or as my hubby calls it, green. So that's why the pictures are coming out a little on the green side.

Here is my amazing glider chair. I have yet to really sit on it yet since my butt and hips have been in pain but I love it just the same. It's not as plush as some of the other chairs at Babies R Us but the sales lady said to pick one that is not only comfy but easy to get out of this a sleeping baby in your arms. I found the super over stuffed chairs difficult to do that in.

The cutest thing in the room besides Darwin, the crib. I adore the bedding. A huge thank you to my parents for finding it. I picked out this bedding at Pottery Barn a couple of years ago and of course when I finally got pregnant they discontinued the line. As soon as I got pregnant Mom was able to find one of the last sets and snatched it up for me.

We had this shelving up before the room became the nursery. So far I haven't added to many things on it. Waiting for pictures of this little person and waiting for the little knick nats that we will get in the next couple of months. Yes, that is a TV in the corner. It's for the late night feeding entertainment. The light shade on the dresser is hand painted by a family friend. It's little mini scenes from Beatrix Potter books. It's beyond words amazing.

The changing station. I wasn't going to get a changing station but it came with the crib and I like the way it turned out. The little baskets with the diapers, toys and books are so cute! Hubby likes the giraffes on the table, just sitting there waiting for someone to play with them. One the giraffes plays music and Darwin isn't to keen on that.

I am very proud of the closet. Thanks to our friend Mary Ellen who recommended some great coupon sites I was able to find some great deals on diapers and have a little mini stock pile going. Plus, I just love opening it and seeing those little outfits just hanging there all soft and cute.

The room also has it's own bathroom but I didn't change that into a 'kid bath'. I kept it adult and modern. The room is still a guest room and I don't think mine or hubby's parents need to be in a bathroom full of Elmo and baby ducks yet. Plus the baby will be bathing in the kitchen sink for the first couple of months.

So that's the nursery. I have really enjoyed putting it together. The whole nesting thing the books talk about is real. I really felt compelled to get the room up and running as soon as possible. And now that it's all finished and just waiting for baby it's driving me crazy. And to top it off the baby won't even be in that room for a couple of months. It will be with me and hubby in the bassinet in our room.

So there is only two more things on my list until baby arrives: picking a pediatrician and packing a bag for the hospital. Wish me luck on both because both seem to be very difficult for me. Will blog about both later this week. =)

Asking for help.

Lesson learned this weekend:

Sometimes even I have to ask for help.

I was making pasta for dinner the other night. I have this great large 4 gallon pot to cook noodles in. When the noodles were done cooking I decided not to call hubby over to help me pour out the water instead I did it myself. I poured the boiling water into the sink and into the strainer. Unfortunately I didn't notice that the water was over flowing the sink and running over the edge. And what hits the edge of counters now, my belly. Like a flash I threw down the pot and screamed. Hubby came running into the kitchen to find me shirt off and in pain. The water was so hot that the blisters started to form right away. Hubby got so mad that I didn't call him over to help. I told him I am not incapable of doing things, that it was just a simple mistake. But then he reminded me that after a c-section I will need to be more conscious about these things and that lifting will not be in my future.

So I look at the line of blisters on my belly and I remind myself just because I can do things doesn't mean asking for help is wrong. It's hard to feel capable of doing things but then have a huge belly get in the way. I can clean the house, but it takes me ALL day. I can scrubs the bathroom floors but it will mean my hips will be sore for two days.

I do feel some guilt about it though. Hubby works all day and then comes home and has to help me around the house. But I need to remember he signed up for this too and has never once complained about the extra work, in fact he insists that he do it. There is no 'i' in team.. and that's what we are, a team.

Now I just need someone to tell that to Darwin. Someone needs to explain to him that not only is his mom 9 months pregnant and unable to take him on his normal long walk but the Seattle rain has set in. He needs to take one for the team and relax.

Gee someone needs to say that to me too... just relax!

Halloween Madness

Happy Halloween!

In my past life before IVF baby making I was a nanny for many years and then before that a preschool teacher. As you can imagine with those professions Halloween is one of my favorites holidays. I don't enjoy the scary aspect of it but I LOVE the crafts, the activities and of course dressing up. I am so excited for next years Halloween I can hardly stand it. Walking around Babies R Us and seeing all those adorable outfits, I almost bought three yesterday. And I just saw my nephews Halloween costume on Facebook, he's Thomas the Train!

I think my excitement for dressing up and taking the baby next year to the pumpkin patch scares hubby a little. He knows I will do all these crazy things I am talking about and I think he is grateful for a full year to get use to the idea.

I really need a baby to dress up, poor Darwin needs company in his misery.

The "C" Word

So last night hubby came with me to my doctors appointment to talk about our birth plan. It's been the topic of discussion with my doctor for about 3 weeks now that a c-section might be the route we have to take. The reason it was first brought up was because of my tail bone and scar tissue. That there is a possibility that the scar tissue won't allow the hips and pelvis to move enough for the baby to pass. That is the main cause of the pain I am experiencing now. My body is trying desperately to shift in that area but the scar tissue is not allowing it, a constant friction. So, the doctor said the ball was in my court for the c-section. She would allow me to attempt a regular delivery but wanted me to be aware that if I did that she couldn't guarantee what type of recovery I would need. The baby could get past all that tissue and then re-break the tailbone again. Oh yay!

Well, that was her position before the ultrasound results. Now she is 100% on board for the c-section. And I have to say I am too. This baby's head is already measuring at a full term baby head and if I were to wait to my due date it would give this baby 3 more weeks of growth.(and that's if the baby is on time, most first time moms go over their due date) So you take into account my hip and tailbone issue and a very large baby you have a recipe for some damage.

Being the husband hubby is he had all the right questions and concerns to ask my doctor yesterday. There is no question that a c-section is major surgery and hubby wasn't going to jump on the train unless he knew I would be in safe hands. Ya, he is sweet that way. He drilled the doctor on how many c-sections she has performed, recovery, blood loss, baby safety.. all those questions I forget as soon as my mind starts to wonder. We signed the papers and have a date...

This baby will be born, unless he/she wants to make an earlier appearance

November 15 @ 11am !!

Odd to know the exact date and time your baby will be born. But sure does making planing easy. Got both the Grandma's flights and schedules arranged so hubby and I will have them here for the big day. And to also help out with our first born, Darwin the Wonder Dog.

So now that I have shared this development I am going to share my feelings about how this news has been received.

I know that having a c-section isn't the best option for delivering babies. And our choice to go this way was never taken lightly. We had to weigh out all the recovery options and all the risks. And I also take into account that when I share this with people they aren't doctors and they don't have access to my medical records.

I have found a lot of judgment from people when you tell them you are having a c-section. Their first question is 'why?' or they give you a face. And you know what I mean when I say, they give you a face. It's as if their face had hands and if possible that face would slap you. Or their voice changes...the slightest way that lets you know they don't approve. I know that a lot of the judgment I feel from others is my own feelings projected on to them and back to me. I am wise enough to know that I am my own worse judge. But at the same time I wish people wouldn't be so critical.

Or the fact I am having a large baby... like it's my fault or being a big baby is a bad thing. Apparently when you say you are having a large baby it sends images of me sitting on the couch eating bon-bons and icecream 24/7. I almost feel the need to get out a scale and show that my weight gain is in the healthy area and then pull out mine and hubby's birth certificate and show our large birth weight. Or I am quick to pull out that hubby and I are tall. Not NBA tall but a little over average tall. If this baby turns out to be a girl, it's like people are already projecting weight issues on her before she even knows how to breast feed!

I then like to remind people that a nice large baby is a healthy baby. They sleep better and are all around in a better mood. That's been my experience with larger babies. The words jolly and fat go together for a reason.

You may be wondering who are these wacka-do people judging poor pregnant me. OTHER PREGNANT LADIES! I have joined this pregnant meet up group and I go to dinner events, walks, pot lucks with them. So far I have really enjoyed this group, I have even met 3 chicks I really dig and can see having a lasting friendship with and we are all due around the same time. But, at some of these events you get people that rub you the wrong way. Sometimes I am shocked at how judgmental women can be to each other. I know I am guilty of it...I take ownership of that. But I wouldn't let any of these women feel inferior for not having the same birth plan as me. I want to say 'back off..you can take your new aged, hypno-birthing, bathtub birth planning, no screaming or drugs birth and shove it' .. but I don't cause I am nice and say that behind their backs. =)

A line from Steel Magnolias "if you don't have anything nice to say about someone, come sit next to me"

So, here's to November 15.. I've googled the date, nothing bad happened on this day in history.. the weather looks normal for Seattle and I like the birth stone.


birth stone is citrine
birth flower is the chrysanthemum
And here is a link to November 15 in history
http://www.brainyhistory.com/days/november_15.html

My What A Big Baby You Have

Yesterday hubby and went and had our final ultrasound. It's been so long since we have seen this baby on a ultrasound screen so I was very excited. The whole ultrasound took about an hour. The tech looked at all the organs and brain. There is not a lot of room for the baby to move so it took her longer then if the baby was only 20 weeks.

We did get some news about the size of this baby. And both hubby and I aren't surprised by it. I mean, I was 9 lbs 3 oz and hubby was a good 10 lbs. So we figured our baby would be big. I did however find it shocking that the baby is measuring at 40 weeks. I am 36 and half weeks and the baby's head alone is measuring at 40 weeks!! The ultrasound tech asked us if we were positive on the due date. We told her yes, and that it is what it is.. this baby was going to be big weather I feed him/her or not. I haven't gained more then what the doctor said was healthy, about 25 to 28 pounds. And the tech measured the baby at 8 pounds 13 ounces. Of course the ultrasound can be off by a whole pound either which way. And since we are 19 more days until baby.. this little person can gain another pound or two.

I am really not concerned about the size of the baby. I mean, I find it comical and fun to talk about it but the baby is healthy and that makes me happy. We have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to go over the ultrasound results and talk about our plan of attack for the next two weeks. I know hubby is looking forward to this, he is always so prepared and asks all the right questions. I go into these appointments hear the heart beat and forget why I am even there. He even payed attention at the labor and delivery class we went to on Friday while I looked out the window at the kids playing in the park. We are a match in that way.

So, my big baby and I are going to take a nap this afternoon and then go to a pizza parlor with 14 other pregnant women tonight. And there I am sure I can find another pregnant lady with a big baby.

Doctor, am I normal?

The internet is a scary, scary place. And when your pregnant and have questions the last thing you should do is 'google'. Oh my goodness... and if you google, defiantly don't google pictures. OMG, I have read enough and seen enough this afternoon that would scare anyone into the hospital. Looking for scary Halloween ideas just google, pregnancy!

I thought I had a pretty open blog. I share things that are sometimes a little taboo... but I think I draw the line. Needless to say I have run across some blogs that are not only crossing the line, they are running with that line. They are posting pictures!!! It's like a biology text book gone completely wrong.

Yet at the same time.. I can't help but look and I can't help but google. It's a vicious circle. And if I don't google, I'll just call my best friend who happens to be a nurse and ask her. Which doesn't help me get off the crazy train of "is this normal".

The thing with searching the internet to answer my question of "is this normal" isn't going to really give me the answers I need. And the main reason is that no pregnancy is alike. What happens to another woman is completely different to what might happen to another. You experience different things at different stages in the pregnancy and some have it more severe then others. I need to remember this, I need to stop comparing myself to the books and internet and trust my doctor. Who I see tomorrow, and I will ask her. "Doctor, am I normal?"

Don't Drop The Soap

A common side affect to pregnancy is restless leg syndrome. I know, I know... I barely believe that there is such a thing as restless leg but after not being able to sleep because of it starting about 4 months ago, I believe now!! I told my doctor about this because I was getting it during the day and night. It could be from a pinched nerve from my scar tissue and the situation happening around my hips and but. So she gave me a very, very low dose of a narcotic. ( don't worry completely safe for baby ) It's such a small dose I doubt it would affect a small child if they were to get a hold of it. The medicine helped to get me to sleep, sometimes, but in the middle of night it would wear off and I would be stuck at 3am with a crazy leg. When I went to Boise for my baby shower my Avo (grandma) told me about an article she read where you put a bar of soap in your mattress and it will cure the restless leg. I laughed at this, seriously, a bar of soap between the mattress and my sheet is going to help?!?! And she said it couldn't be any kind of soap it needed to be Ivory soap. Well, I didn't try this crazy remedy for awhile. For one, I don't use Ivory soap because I am a Dove girl. Love my skin after a nice scrub with Dove and two it just sounded to crazy. I ended up researching it online and found an overwhelming amount of people who swear by it.

So three days ago I went to the drug store to refill my prescription for my restless leg and decided to get a bar of ivory soap. What's the worse that could happen, my mattress smelling like soap? So I inserted the soap between the sheet and mattress. Funny, the bar of soap doesn't bother me at all, in fact my leg searches for it. And you want to know the crazy thing: IT WORKS!!! a bar of Ivory soap works for restless leg syndrome. I would like to publicly announce my apology to my Avo for thinking her idea was silly and laughing at it. She was right and I love her for it!

You can look it up here online to find out more about soap and restless leg:
http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2005/12/07/soap-under-the/

Speaking of legs and soap... you know whats been truly difficult the past three months to do: Shave! And I am obsessed with shaving my legs and having so many trips to the doctors and here is the story of why:

When I was about 14 I woke up to terrible cramping in my side. It wasn't normal cramping it felt like someone was jabbing a knife into my side. I told my Mom and she called the nurse line and they said to bring me to the ER. I was in so much pain and remember being completely terrified. When we get to the ER I get striped down to one of those super fashionable hospital gowns. I don't get to put my pj pants back on because they needed to have access to my downstairs area because it turned out I had ovarian cysts. I am so mortified by this because it had been forever since I had shaved my legs. I mean forever, it looked like my legs could be the stunt double for Big Foot. And on top of it all I had a super cute young doctor!! You can imagine the embarrassed 14 year old laying there with hairy legs and McDreamy working on you. This memory still makes me blush from embarrassment.

This memory haunts me so much that before I went to the ER back in March for my hyper-stimulation I shaved my legs before I could go. I was in some crazy pain and I still couldn't get over the fact that someone could be touching my legs and they needed to be shaved. I know, I am crazy. I take full responsibly in my crazy!

So now that we are getting closer to having this baby the fear of having unshaven legs is back again. So every other day I am forcing myself to somehow bend over and shave. Thank goodness hubby hasn't walked in during my side bending yoga pregnant pose because he would flip with laughter. So I have come up with an idea:

The Pregnancy Shaver!

You take a back scratchier and duck tape a razor to the end of it. You take another back scratchier and tape soap to it. There you go! No more bending or stretching into weird positions. I think I could go global with it. It could be for the elderly, people recovering from surgery. Plus never again would I have to face a cute doctor and have hairy legs!

I know that in the grand scheme of things the last thing I am going to be concerned about is hair on my legs....but there are a lot of hours in a day. And in those hours thinking about this is just what I do.

Wanted: A nanny for me.

I swear, I need a nanny. Not for the baby, for me. Maybe my Mom can just come to Seattle now and take care of me before the baby. Or maybe even my sister.

First off, why can't I sleep anymore? I am tired when I go to bed. I don't take naps during the day and I don't drink any caffeine after 12pm. Yet, I just lay in bed tossing and turning. Sunday night I got two hours of sleep!! 5am to 7am! I was like a walking zombie. This is where the nanny would come into play. The nanny would take care of Darwin, make me lunch and make me take a nap. The nanny would also drive me to my appointments so I don't do stupid things on the way there. Case in point:

If I had a nanny. I wouldn't of put my cell phone on top of the car when I was getting Darwin into it! Yes, I drove off with my brand new phone on top of the car. And because hubby is this huge tech lover we have the latest and greatest phones. You know with all the flashy screens and it basically does everything expect make it easy to make calls. Down the road I go and I don't notice I have left it there tell I am half way down the freeway! When I found the poor phone it looked like maybe 20 or so cars had driven over it... not good. Thank goodness hubby knows who he is married to and put insurance on my phone. So I get a new one today, but still, no sleep means no smart moves.

If I had a nanny, I wouldn't dress like such a mess. When I was a nanny I would dress the little girls in the cutest outfits, do their hair all pretty. I need my nanny to pick out the maternity clothes that still fit ( yes, I am at the stage where some of the tops are working overtime and need to be retired at this point ) and then the nanny would brush my hair and remind me that I had errands to run and doing those errands required nice hair and clothes that couldn't substitute as PJs.

If I had a nanny, I would eat better. When hubby isn't here to monitor my eating habits I sometimes stray off course. Especially in these last weeks. I don't know who this baby is but it LOVES sugar. I need a nanny to tell me that if I eat a doughnut for breakfast I can't have another one at lunch. The nanny would prepare me a nice meal with those crazy things called vegetables in it and I would have to eat it or I would get in trouble. Then after lunch I would be sent to my room for nap time, no questions asked.

So until my Mom or sister gets here I am taking applications for nannies.

Below is what I am looking for:

Our Family Bassinet

About fifty years ago my Great Grandma (Granny) found an old bassinet in an attic of an old store. She jazzed it all up and made it pretty. From that moment on everyone in the family has used it ( except my Mom who was already to big by the time Granny found it ) It was first used for my Aunt Lisa and then my Uncle Mark. And then every cousin on that side of the family and also my cousin's baby girl. So far 9 babies from our family have slept in it. I ADORE this tradition. And when the bassinet wasn't in use it would stay at my Avo's (grandma) house for safe keeping. She would keep it in the grandkids room and store all our cabbage patch babies in it. As you can imagine an old bassinet needs some work to it so that's what I did the other day.

The lining inside the bassinet was made by my Granny for my Mom to use for my nursery 28 years ago. I still have the matching blanket, my security blanket I still call upon from time to time. My pink blanket... drives the hubby crazy when he sees it. But I am just to sentimental to get rid of it and sometimes a girl just needs to cuddle with her blanket. I called on it a lot during our infertility and it shows the stains from my mascara after having a good cry in it. So, I can't get rid of it...Granny made it for me and I love the darn thing. Anyway, back to the bassinet lining... when Granny made it she sewed into the bassinet. I carefully cut it free and with much hesitation set the washing machine to 'hand wash' and hoped that it wouldn't fall apart. Thank goodness it didn't and it looks all shiny and new. I was able to sew it back in last night, much to the delight of hubby. (he always finds it fascinating when I do very domestic tasks like sewing)

I also spray painting the top half. Avoiding the wheels where my Mom's godmother had painted pretty flowers on them. Note to others who might be spray painting in the future. If you are like me and rarely think ahead when starting a project, lay something down on the driveway before you start painting. I didn't and turned the top half of our driveway white. Thank goodness for a product called Oops, I was able to pour it over the white paint and like magic it was gone!

I always knew as a little girl this bassinet would be in my house one day, for my baby. And now that it's right next to my bed it is so amazing to me. It melts my heart to know my little person will sleep in there. Well, crossing fingers, let's hope the baby sleeps.

Side note: please excuse the laundry in the photo.. didn't realize when taking the picture my bra was laying upward so proudly on top of my laundry hamper.