I was finally struck in the head last night with what Oprah would call an 'awe ha' moment. Where reality meets you head on and you become aware of something so completely obvious.
I am going to be a parent. DUH! That's not the 'awe ha' moment. I am going to be a co-parent. That's were the light bulb went off and the immediate confusion and fear set in.
Why would I use the word 'fear' when presented with the co-parenting thought. Well, because it's the fear of the unknown. With hubby it's the two of us. Making compromises and decisions based on two people. Well, throw a monkey wrench in that because now the two of us are going to make decisions for the THREE of us!
Hubby and I talk about everything... before we got married we talked about finances, religion, jobs and family. Some people called us unromantic because we had these really un-fun, un-sexy talks about what we wanted from the marriage. But, hey.. look at all the people that get married that don't talk about that stuff. We didn't want to get into something and then down the road run into a problem and realize.. wait, I didn't know that about you or that's not how you presented yourself.
So of course we talked about how we wanted to raise a child. We agree 99.9% on things we can predict now. We aren't naive enough to think we can discuss all the issues that will arise now and be on the same page. Goodness, the teen years alone kills 90% of parents. But we are on the same team and agree with each other on the basics. And we also take into account people change and we work through those things together.
Well, last night we got to talking about something and there was a clear line in the sand. One wanted something and the other wanted something else in regards to the child. It felt like the fable where the two mom's are holding on to the arms of the child and pulling in opposite directions. Then it hit me the 'awe ha'.. ohhhhh... right now the baby is ALL mine. I mean it's living inside me, it needs me to grow, it's literally apart of me. But come Monday, I have to share.
This may sounds really odd that I would just now be thinking like this. But I think during pregnancy you become very self important. It really is all about the mom and her experience during the pregnancy. Keep the mom happy, keep her healthy all to make sure the little baby in her belly stays peaceful and happy too. Basically, I have been making all the decision thus far. Come Monday, it becomes 'our' decisions.
Hubby is an amazing husband, a great son and to top it all off adores my family. There is no question in my mind what so ever about his ability to be a fantastic father. In fact, when thinking about him being nurturing and all daddy like to our baby I seem to fall more in love with him.
So why the fear of co-parenting? Because it's new, because I am in new mommy mode where everything in the near future seems scary and foreign. But when we finished last nights conversation I was at ease. Hubby and I will always find a middle ground somewhere, we will be a united front in this parenthood battle and we remember that plenty of parents have survived and came out the other end with only minor bumps and bruises.
This is a new adventure in our relationship. And I am lucky to have hubby on my team.