Wanted: A nanny for me.

I swear, I need a nanny. Not for the baby, for me. Maybe my Mom can just come to Seattle now and take care of me before the baby. Or maybe even my sister.

First off, why can't I sleep anymore? I am tired when I go to bed. I don't take naps during the day and I don't drink any caffeine after 12pm. Yet, I just lay in bed tossing and turning. Sunday night I got two hours of sleep!! 5am to 7am! I was like a walking zombie. This is where the nanny would come into play. The nanny would take care of Darwin, make me lunch and make me take a nap. The nanny would also drive me to my appointments so I don't do stupid things on the way there. Case in point:

If I had a nanny. I wouldn't of put my cell phone on top of the car when I was getting Darwin into it! Yes, I drove off with my brand new phone on top of the car. And because hubby is this huge tech lover we have the latest and greatest phones. You know with all the flashy screens and it basically does everything expect make it easy to make calls. Down the road I go and I don't notice I have left it there tell I am half way down the freeway! When I found the poor phone it looked like maybe 20 or so cars had driven over it... not good. Thank goodness hubby knows who he is married to and put insurance on my phone. So I get a new one today, but still, no sleep means no smart moves.

If I had a nanny, I wouldn't dress like such a mess. When I was a nanny I would dress the little girls in the cutest outfits, do their hair all pretty. I need my nanny to pick out the maternity clothes that still fit ( yes, I am at the stage where some of the tops are working overtime and need to be retired at this point ) and then the nanny would brush my hair and remind me that I had errands to run and doing those errands required nice hair and clothes that couldn't substitute as PJs.

If I had a nanny, I would eat better. When hubby isn't here to monitor my eating habits I sometimes stray off course. Especially in these last weeks. I don't know who this baby is but it LOVES sugar. I need a nanny to tell me that if I eat a doughnut for breakfast I can't have another one at lunch. The nanny would prepare me a nice meal with those crazy things called vegetables in it and I would have to eat it or I would get in trouble. Then after lunch I would be sent to my room for nap time, no questions asked.

So until my Mom or sister gets here I am taking applications for nannies.

Below is what I am looking for:

Our Family Bassinet

About fifty years ago my Great Grandma (Granny) found an old bassinet in an attic of an old store. She jazzed it all up and made it pretty. From that moment on everyone in the family has used it ( except my Mom who was already to big by the time Granny found it ) It was first used for my Aunt Lisa and then my Uncle Mark. And then every cousin on that side of the family and also my cousin's baby girl. So far 9 babies from our family have slept in it. I ADORE this tradition. And when the bassinet wasn't in use it would stay at my Avo's (grandma) house for safe keeping. She would keep it in the grandkids room and store all our cabbage patch babies in it. As you can imagine an old bassinet needs some work to it so that's what I did the other day.

The lining inside the bassinet was made by my Granny for my Mom to use for my nursery 28 years ago. I still have the matching blanket, my security blanket I still call upon from time to time. My pink blanket... drives the hubby crazy when he sees it. But I am just to sentimental to get rid of it and sometimes a girl just needs to cuddle with her blanket. I called on it a lot during our infertility and it shows the stains from my mascara after having a good cry in it. So, I can't get rid of it...Granny made it for me and I love the darn thing. Anyway, back to the bassinet lining... when Granny made it she sewed into the bassinet. I carefully cut it free and with much hesitation set the washing machine to 'hand wash' and hoped that it wouldn't fall apart. Thank goodness it didn't and it looks all shiny and new. I was able to sew it back in last night, much to the delight of hubby. (he always finds it fascinating when I do very domestic tasks like sewing)

I also spray painting the top half. Avoiding the wheels where my Mom's godmother had painted pretty flowers on them. Note to others who might be spray painting in the future. If you are like me and rarely think ahead when starting a project, lay something down on the driveway before you start painting. I didn't and turned the top half of our driveway white. Thank goodness for a product called Oops, I was able to pour it over the white paint and like magic it was gone!

I always knew as a little girl this bassinet would be in my house one day, for my baby. And now that it's right next to my bed it is so amazing to me. It melts my heart to know my little person will sleep in there. Well, crossing fingers, let's hope the baby sleeps.

Side note: please excuse the laundry in the photo.. didn't realize when taking the picture my bra was laying upward so proudly on top of my laundry hamper.

3 years and counting!!

Wow, 3 years of marriage. If someone would of told me that we would of lasted this long I would of said no way!

hahaha.. joking.

Doesn't seem like 3 years but I guess it has been. Time really does fly.I looked at our wedding photos and what really puts time into perspective for me is how young my little sister looks on our wedding day. Or for that matter how young she was when hubby and I first started dating. She's my age and time barometer.











It's amazing to look back and see how a relationship evolves and how things can help define a union. Hubby and I struggled a lot with infertility the first years of our marriage and I can look back now and say that it was that struggle that glued us together. Now as we begin this new chapter in just a few weeks it all seems so blissfully happy. There is a new excitement in the air and the anticipation of this little one brings us even closer. We both touch the belly and realize that we did that together, that we made a family.

Plus, I look back at my wedding and remember what a kick ass party we had!! Seriously, the best party I have ever been too and I can say that cause it was MY party! I could never thank my parents enough for such an amazing day. Still 3 years later, I can look back and remember all that love, laughter and joy.

Happy Anniversary Hubby.. your the best part of everyday.


Home is where ever I am with you: (my hippie tribute song to hubby)

35 weeks pregnant!

Hubby and I enjoy Sundays so much. We call them our lazy Sundays. My main goal on Sunday is to see if I can stay in my PJs all day. Even Darwin, the dog, knows when it's lazy Sundays. He's happy and peaceful all day laying in front of hubby's chair while he watches his football games or baseball games. Only thing with lazy Sunday is Darwin will have a hyperactive Monday needing either a dog park or a very long walk.

Also on Sunday's is our 'what's happening with my body and baby' day. We use to have an app on hubby's iphone that would tell us what was going on each week. And a new week starts on a Sunday for us. We would sit down read the app and be amazed at how much the baby can change in a week or how spot on the app was about the changes in my body. We have since sold our iphone and moved over to another cell phone carrier that doesn't have a pregnancy app. So I go online now on Sundays and look up the information. To me this information is so fascinating. Here is 35 weeks:
By now at thirty-five weeks of pregnancy, the baby will weigh about 5-1/2 to 6 pounds and measures in at 18 inches long. Keep in mind that these numbers are guidelines and are not gospel. Every baby is different and they may weigh a bit more or less than these guidelines suggest. By this week, the baby’s organs are complete by this week. The liver and the kidneys are starting to produce waste.

The baby now has less space in the uterus to move, so now you will start to notice a slight decline in fetal movement. The baby’s hearing is fully functional, now is a great time to talk to your baby. Start the bonding process before they are born. When they hear your voice after birth, they will respond to the sound of your voice. Some women use baby talk and they feel silly sometimes but it is said that the baby respond better to higher pitch sounds than lower pitch.

If the baby is born at week thirty-five, they have a 99% chance of survival. The nervous system and circulatory systems are fully functional. The baby’s lungs are now 99% developed. The baby fat continues to grow underneath the baby’s skin to help protect them while they are being born, plus the baby fat keep the baby warm inside and outside the womb.

It's hard to believe that when I first started reading about my pregnancy the baby was just a couple cells dividing & now it's a full functioning little human ready to come into this world.

I have noticed an increase in fetal movement this past week. The space in the tummy has become smaller so I can start to see the movement from the outside. Sometimes my t-shirt moves with the baby and other times I can press on my tummy and find a hand or his/her little butt. This morning Darwin laid his head on my belly giving me some deep cuddles when all of a sudden the baby gave a kick. The baby kicked Darwin right in the head. I laughed so hard because Darwin was so confused. He looked at my belly like 'what in the world'!! I told him to get use to it, this little one is going to lay on you, pull your ears and just all around piss you off.

The baby has also started to get the hiccups a lot. I placed hubby's hand on my belly during one those many hiccup spells. You could see hubby's eyes light up. We both agreed it was a little creepy but super cool all at the same time!

cheeky massage

I know I said in the past post I wasn't going to go see a massage therapist to massage my butt. Well, I changed my mind and yesterday I drove my sore butt to a massage center. I got a thirty minute massage that just focused on my tailbone, hips and butt muscle. You know when your in pain there are things you will do you swore you wouldn't.

The whole experience was surreal. First off, explaining why you are there to a super sweet and young massage therapist was the first hurdle. "yes, hi, I just met you, will you please massage my butt".. totally surreal.

She told me get undressed and lay on the bed and she would return in a moment. Well, I wasn't about to take my bra off. Hello?!? The ladies have been covered since March, way to sore to roam free! Also, I didn't think taking off the underwear was really necessary, I mean, we just met... shouldn't there be a happy hour date first before I go full monty on a bed?

She comes back in the room and I explain to her that I am Modest Milly and kept the delicates on. She said that was fine and had me lay on my side. All maternity massages are done with the pregnant gal on her side. She immediately started to hurt me, I mean massage me.

She didn't really massage, she used pressure points. And she was in awe that I had such scar tissue and super tight muscles around my injury. She tried to show me just how bad it was by using an area on the other side of the injury and put pressure there, she pressed down deep. She described it as putting pressure down on a sponge, easy to do and no barrier to it. Then she went to my injured area and when she pressed down, nothing. I asked her if she was hitting bone, it was that hard. She said no, that it was scare tissue. Freaking crazy.

The whole massage/pressure points wasn't that bad. I mean I did have a hot flash on the table and did give out a little tear. But, I could feel it would be beneficial to continue. So every other day I am going back for a thirty minute session her. I bet she is super excited to see my butt so often.

Wouldn't it be funny if I put a temporary tattoo on my butt for our next session. Like a smiley face or something really cheeky. cheeky.. haha.

*UPDATE* on pain.

While rereading my last post I was thinking about deleting it. But, I didn't. That's how I feel about my pain and if I come across as a baby, so be it. Because you know what, I am in pain and it's my blog. So.. there you go.

I went to the chiropractor this afternoon and it was odd to say the least. I honestly don't have a problem with people using a chiropractor. I have seen the benefits first hand with my Mom and little sister, Charlie. But they have problems that are worth seeing a chiropractor, they have horrible backs. The chiropractor who did my assessment told me, I have a fine back. It's my butt and hips and all those bones in between. But how in the world do you treat a pregnant lady? You can't do an x ray on her, she can't lay on her tummy while you feel her up and you can't really get a true reading on her problems because pregnancy causes a lot of problems that don't happen normally. Like, tension in your hips, well duh! your pregnant your carrying new and sudden weight. Plus, when my Mom and Charlie leave the office they feel relief, they always report feeling better. I left the office feeling more frustrated and in more pain then when I arrived. The chiropractor basically told me that he thinks I may of injured more then my tailbone when I fell and that from what he felt the muscles are so tense around my hips that they aren't allowing the proper movement there. He did these freaky leg movements, put me on a bed ( FACE DOWN, ummmm hello I am pregnant ) and used a little hand held device to tap on me.

I left still throwing a pity party for myself. "pity, table for one" I called my bff Karin, and complained to her. Of course, she listened, agreed and then told me to ask for drugs. I love her, she's a nurse and a mom already so her advice always makes me feel better and I feel more relaxed after speaking to her. I don't want to go the drug route, I would rather just go on a type of bed rest, like a no sitting thing first before we bring on the narcotics. But gotta love her for the suggestion.

I did get a call back from my doctor and she wants to try physical therapy. I was almost hoping she said regular therapy because I could almost use that more. Get over my pain in the butt fear of the pain in my butt. =) She also wants to do massage.

Alright, I can do this, like my Mom said.. it's only 6 more weeks. Buck up.

So here I am in my best Scarlet O'Hara voice:

"Tomorrow is another day"

pain, pain go away.

Okay, I am going to vent about my butt pain in this post. Sorry if I come off as a baby, which I am one, a very big baby. I have been a dramatic baby all my life; no reason to stop now when pregnant and miserable.

I mentioned before on this blog that about 5 years ago I was getting ready for work in my apartment in Idaho and fell. It was such a sweet apartment. It was a studio/loft, the bedroom was up a flight a stairs and it over looked the living room. I loved that apartment! I took a slip from the top of the stairs and fell down the stairs. I laid at the bottom crying with my cell phone in hand and called work and said I would be unable to be there and then I called my Mom to come help and get me. I went to the doctor and he said I broke my tailbone and that there is nothing really to be done, it just needed to heal itself. He also gave me amazing pain medicine that made the pain go away. The brake took a long time to heal. I think a couple months before I wasn't in constant pain and then a couple more months after that I only had pain in certain sitting positions. As soon as the pain went away I rarely thought of it expect to tell the funny story of how I fell down my stairs.

Now, it's a every moment thought. I can barely find a sitting position that works for me and then when I get up from a sitting position it's like someone is taking a hammer and hitting my butt with it.

I have mentioned this pain over and over again to my doctor but there is little she can do. Suggestions for pain relief:

bathes: I already do that daily, & they do help to ease pain for awhile

specialty pillows: doesn't really help because the pain is internal and no matter how you displace the weight while sitting, your still sitting, still putting weight on pain. And the baby puts it's weight right on the tailbone too.

massage: ummm.. I don't really want to pay someone to rub my butt, that's odd.

physical therapy: not so much for right now but the doctor said I should build a relationship with them now because more then likely I am going to need them after labor because labor is going to send my butt into pain overdrive.

Which leads to my biggest worry about my butt: labor. It's not uncommon that during labor that a woman's tailbone can be broken. Oh, great..

My head is literally spinning over this. I am in this odd state of pain panic. You really have no idea how much you use your butt during the day and now I am told that recovery after childbirth may take up to 6 months to a year (that's what the doc said)!!! The first months of a babies life is propped up against it's sitting mom breastfeeding. And now I am told that not only is breastfeeding difficult for some but now I may have this pain while trying to overcome that?!?!

I understand that the pain after labor is all speculative at this point. Who knows what will happen. But right now, I am in pain. I don't see how delivery isn't going to make that worse. So what do I do? No one has answers.

This is a huge pity party post, I know. But this has over taken my thoughts. I have an appointment with a chiropractor in a couple of hours and I left a message for one of the nurses at my doctors office to call me back today. In the mean time I will be holding a pity party in my living room, standing room only... no sitting at my party!

Playing hide & seek with the heart monitor

I had my biweekly appointment at the doctors office yesterday. The basic stuff. They check your weight ( always fun ), blood pressure and ask if I have any concerns or questions for them. The whole appointment lasts about 15 minutes. The best past of it though is that the doctor takes out this little hand held microphone thing, puts cold goo on your tummy and you get to hear the heart beat.

Every time my doctor has done this my little one pops right on that monitor. She never has to search and always comments on how easy it is to find. Well, yesterday the baby decided it would put me into sheer terror and not be so easy.

I laid on the bed, raised my shirt and the doctor started to place the monitor on my belly. The first spot, nothing... the second spot, nothing... the third spot, nothing..not even a faint thud. By the second search my heart started to sink, panic had set and I was already in the mind set off pulling the red cord and getting my butt into the ER. The doctor keep looking... and her face started to get really serious. Which is not a face I have ever seen on her. We are now at spot 6.. and we hear a very faint heartbeat. The doctor has placed the monitor basically on farthest side of my belly almost to my back. She seemed okay with this and offered some reason for the mishap, honestly, I wasn't really listening to her at this point. Even though she heard the heartbeat she wanted to do a test that would establish a base line for the baby.

I get escorted to a small room in the office that has a lazy boy chair and huge monitor next to it. I get strapped into this thing, two large rope type things get wrapped around my waist and a very nice nurse gets to play find the baby with the microphone attachment. I also get to hold this little pin like thing that is attached to the machine and every time I felt the baby I was suppose to press down. I told the nurse my Grandpa had something like this at the hospital but when he pushed it he got pain meds, and since I was in a state of panic I think I should get one too. She said no, but gave me orange juice to see if sugar would awake the baby more. She leaves me in the room, turns the lights down and says she would be back soon.

It's a super large machine and I can hear the baby on it. Which you would think would make me feel better..nope. I call hubby while attached to this thing. Because I am giver, and I didn't want to be the only one in a panic. And I knew he would panic right along with me. And he did not disappoint! Not that I am proud of calling him and getting him worked up before I knew the outcome from the doctor but I didn't want to be alone in this. I was honestly scared. I could hear the baby but the fact we had to be in the room listening for an extended period of time really made me fearful. There were so many things going through my brain.. I can't even begin to blog the scenarios that were going through my head. My doctor came into the room about 15 minutes later and looked over the scroll of paper that had the heart beat on it. She was very pleased with what she saw. She said everything was fine and that the baby is perfect. He/She was just being stubborn and in a position earlier that made it hard to hear the heart beat. She said they do that sometimes and I don't need to worry.

I was sent on my way and told to come back in two weeks. I called hubby and let him know it was a false alarm that we have a very devilish child who when born I will punish for putting me through that. =)

Have some more fun pictures from my trip to Boise....

road trip fun...Mom and stopped at this huge rest stop somewhere in Oregon and found this surprise near the bathroom. Of course I needed a picture next to it!

The view from my Avo' and Avo's house. That is my handsome Uncle Mark working with his horses. He and my Avo are horse whispers.. while getting ready that morning I watched him train his horse, it was litle watching a dance.. it was amazing

My first bike!!! It was kept at my Avo's house and over the years they kept in the barn and never got rid of it. When I showed up at her door step she had that waiting for me! She turned it into a flower basket. So cute! That bike has really held up!

Got to love going home...

Baby Shower!!

It finally came, my baby shower!! And it wasn't a shower it was a rain storm of love and gifts. It all started like this...

My Mom arrived in Seattle last week to drive to Boise with me. It's about an 8 hour drive and there was no way hubby was going to let me drive by myself. I haven't minded the drive the 10 times I have driven it in the past but this trip took its toll on me. The major reason is about 5 years ago I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my butt. I broke my coccyx or tailbone. Super ouch! Well that injury healed and life moved on. But as soon as I started to put on pregnancy weight and the baby started to put pressure on that area I have been in some pretty incredible pain. Sitting can be unbearable. So imagine a 8 hour car ride with a pregnant woman with a broken butt, yep, my Mom is saint. I drove for a couple hours then it was my Mom's turn as I sat in the passenger seat trying different seating arrangements for the rest of the way.

My Dad and little sister, Charlie flew in from Tampa Thursday evening. The 'core four' were back together. With so many new additions to our family, husband, boyfriend and other family members it was nostalgic and great to have it be the four of us.

Friday was my baby shower. And to start the day off Mom treated me and my sister to hair appointments. The last time I was sitting in a stylists chair was last winter. My last two hair treatments have been out of the box. So to have a professional haircut and color was so fantastic and needed. We were there for a coupe of hours and I really enjoyed the gossip and chatter with my sister and her best friend who came with us to the appointment. Not to mention that the hair stylists has been during my family's hair since I was in the 3rd grade!!

The shower was held at a new nightclub in downtown Boise called the Catacombs. Yes, very hip and fancy of us! It was catered by the french bistro above the club and to say the food was great is an understatement. Little french sandwiches, lots of cheese, stuffed mushrooms, mini quiches and did I mention cheese. My sister worked with a local cake guy, Greg Marsh and designed the world's cutest cake. And this guy can make the worlds tastiest cakes, and I don't even like cake!!

I really don't like baby shower games. So we only played one. My Mom made a 15 question quiz about my pregnancy and the winner got a prize. The questions were fun and amusing. And if people at the party have been reading the blog they had a really good shot at winning. My mother in law Charlie and my Avo (grandma) tied for first place!!

I really felt honored that so many woman were able to make it to the party. When I looked out at the crowd I was struck at how many of them had key roles in my life. My Mom is and was a superstar Mom and she surround my sister and I with strong independent women. And to be able to address them all at once was so satisfying and rewarding. And to be able to point out and be able to thank my friends, mother in law, sister and Mom was overwhelming. It felt like this baby is a collective of hopes from every woman in the room and to be able to express myself and my gratitude for their love and support will be a cherished memory for me.

Cake designed by my sister Charlie made by Greg Marsh:


My Mom, sister Charlie, me and the bump!


My Aunt Krista, Mom, sister Charlie and me!


My Avo ( grandma ) and future Bisavo ( great-grandma in Portuguese )


My best girlfriends minus one who started a new job in a new state that day!


So many amazing gifts... and incredibly cute gifts!


My bbf Karin, who is also my pregnancy partner in crime!


And the main reason we had the shower on Friday night, Saturday was the BSU home game! And my family is far too committed to our team to miss it! I mean come on, my Dad lives in Florida now and won't give up his season tickets! Below is a picture of my Mom, Charlie and I tailgating. My shirt which was a huge hit says "future Bronco inside" Gotta get this baby ready to be a BSU fan and maybe one day attend the college! *crossing fingers*

Now, I need to go finish my thank you cards and some how find room for all the gifts! I will post pictures of the nursery next week once we get everything settled in there. It looks so cute, just needs this baby in there!!!

Birthday Weekend

So Saturday was my birthday! I had a fantastic day, hubby really knows how to treat a birthday girl. He makes the whole day about me. Everything is about what I want and want to do, no questions asked. The word 'no' is not used on your birthday. =)

We started the day off with going down to the docks of Seattle. We had a great lunch of fish and chips. The sun was shinning, which was great because the forecast looked really nasty but nope, we got sunshine. From there we went to the Seattle Aquarium. Had a great time watching the fish and of course people watching all the tourists. After that we sat in the sunshine and had some icecream. It was a perfect day!

For dinner the hubby took me to our special romantic restaurant Serafina. We love this place! It's rustic Italian cooking. It's pure bliss. The food is amazing, the waitstaff is superb and the atmosphere is idyllic. We ate and ate and ate. When it came time for desert hubby had already pre-ordered before we got there. Out comes this mound of chocolate gelato with chocolate sauce smothering every inch! On top of this pile of heaven was a single candle. Hubby looked at me and told me to make a wish. I closed my eyes and started to blow the candle out. I suddenly stopped. I didn't have a wish! For the past 3 years without fail whenever asked to make a wish, be it my birthday or at a fountain it was always the same wish. "Baby" Here I was making my first wish pregnant, it was surreal. It has been so automatic to wish for this baby, it was always at the tip of my tongue, the center of my dreams and the beginning of every thought.

I don't think I will every forget that moment. I looked at hubby, my hand on my belly and I realized there is nothing to wish for... I had everything I ever wanted.

Heart Beat!!!

Had another appointment today with my wonderful doctor. Everything is going great. My belly measurements are right on track and the baby has already turned. So that means the head in already resting nicely in the pelvic region. The doctor said babies that easily turn like my did are "better behaved". I, of course took that as her saying my child will be the best child that ever lived but I guess she meant that if they turn on time you have less issues during the birth with breaching and other complications. However I am still going with "better behaved" as the best baby ever.

I also took a video of the heartbeat to share with the hubby since he was in Chicago. Of course it wouldn't send over the phone so he will have to view it tonight when he gets home. I am also going to post the video here!

Times they are embarrassing.

Being pregnant can be very embarrassing at times. Especially the last few months.

Examples of embarrassment:

I was on the phone with my Mother-in-law yesterday having a very nice conversation, as always. Unfortunately the conversation was taking place right after breakfast and I burped!! I burped into the phone! Pregnancy burps aren't like normal burps, they arrive without ANY warning.

This evening I was at our park next door throwing the ball around for Darwin. I had on my maternity yoga pants. The waist band sits right below the belly and are VERY comfortable. Well, since the waist is growing and things don't sit where they should anymore... I threw the ball and the movement made my pants fall down! I kid you not, there I was in the neighborhood park with my pants down to my ankles.

I no longer have comfortable "lounge" shirts. I have great maternity shirts but they are nice and more for outings. So in the house I wear one of my many yoga pants and one of hubby's college shirts. Well, hubby's college/fraternity shirts are old and washed many many times. They also have a lot of logos and sayings about drinking, women and all around boy stuff. The other night I ordered food from our local take out and when the guy arrived; there I was a 7 month pregnant chick wearing a shirt with a strip club logo. ::rolling eyes:: yep, it was a special moment between me and the delivery man.

What happened to my bladder? ( that's all I am going to say, I don't even need to tell you the 3 embarrassing stories about my bladder because you know what I am getting at )

I can now get into the bath tub but getting out of the tub seems to be impossible. Screaming for hubby to come rescue me from three feet of water. Because nothing screams embarrassment like a large woman stuck in a bath tub!

I now have no depth perception of how far the belly sticks out. I'm constantly running into things or not opening something far enough to let the belly in. This weekend at the football game Hubby had to pull the car out of the parking space because there was no way my belly was going to be able to squeeze threw our car and the car next to us. Hold on traffic, while my husband repositions the car to let his wife and his wife's belly bump out first.

Speaking of embarrassment: where did my ankles go?

Luckily I find all these moments really funny. I wear my embarrassment like a badge of honor. And since I have such a good sense of humor about it I can always turn that embarrassment right around onto hubby. He gets so embarrassed whenever I break into my baby belly dance. It's just like your picturing it in your head. I move to the movement and do 'vogue' type motions around the belly. It's classic!

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like."

Nesting

Those crazy stories of pregnant women having the need to nest is SO REAL! I am shocked at myself lately...I am an organizing fool. Last week I organized and labeled our medicine cabinet. Hubby reminded me that the baby isn't going to come home and demand that the advil isn't in the same drawer as the allergy tablets. But for some reason I can't help myself. I don't think it's really for the baby at this point. Its more a compulsion that family members are going to be roaming our house looking for things and it might be helpful if our house was in order. What hubby doesn't understand is that he's been living with my way of organizing for four years. He gets the dyslexic way I go about things but others don't. Well, maybe my Mom, she lived with two dyslexics but still it would be nice to have things in order the "normal way". Although I am not sure why I have a need to stock up on toilet paper, canned goods and soap. There is grocery store a block away from the house, it's not like family members can't go out and get things for us.

This past week hubby has come home from work probably believing he will find an actual nest in our living room. I have so many "to-do" projects around the house. Poor Darwin doesn't know if he should help out or avoid me all together. I keep cleaning his dog bed over and over again. With all the new changes and furniture in the house he seems to be very confused. He doesn't take change well.

Another thing, is it odd to have a list of things the hubby like to eat? I have this strange list for my Mom when she comes to visit in November. She plans on helping out and I figure that means helping me with dinner. Hubby LOVES a home cooked meal. It might be his favorite part of the day, coming home from work and finding out whats for dinner. Hubby eats differently then others in my family. He actually likes veggies, real veggies, not just the canned kind. Crazy I know! It's an odd list to write I know, he would be happy with anything. But in my head this is TOTALLY rational!

I figure when the baby comes all this crazy planning will go away. We will be on baby time but right now we are just hanging out in the waiting room. I have 9 weeks to think of these crazy things.

Hey, at least the house is spotless, which I doubt when the baby comes will ever be that way again.

Hurtful success.

I have a new emotion today about my pregnancy. Guilt. I know that for some reading this blog that may seem strange but it's honestly how I feel. It stems from reading other blogs and their struggle with IVF and it not working for them. When I started this blog it was to inform my family and friends about our trip to Europe and why we were even taking it. It was also a travel blog, I documented our trip and took pictures, posted them to show my sister back at home that her big sister wasn't in some back ally clinic in the middle of central Europe. What I didn't expect from this blog was the connection to other fellow infertiles.

Are you out of the group once you have found success? Does your success hurt them just like others success use to hurt me? And if I am really honest, peoples success at "natural mating" still hurts me. It's a hard truth to realize... that sometimes your happiness isn't an inspiring journey for some but just another nail in the coffin.

In some infertile blogs the women are so angry and hurt by how easy it is for some to have IVF work on the first try. They are at attempt 4 or 5. I totally understand where their frustration comes from and I relate. But I can't really relate because I was one of the lucky ones that got pregnant on our first try with IVF. The connection seems to be lost. I don't want to hurt them by my joy and they don't want to hurt me by not seeming happy for me. The line we dance now is so odd and painful.

So I find myself in a new group. Where at times I feel I don't really belong there either. The expectant moms talk about how easy it was to get pregnant or how soon they will wait to start having more. Inside of me is still that infertile wanting to scream at them, "it's not so easy for everyone." And when I am asked by them if hubby and I plan to have more, it's so hard not to go off on this whole tale about how hard that would be for us. I simply say "we agreed on one" which seems to get the odd stares too.

I went to a meetup and we were sharing stories about our pregnancy. I shared that my baby was conceived through IVF and low and behold another lady said that was how she got pregnant too. I immediately turned all my attention to her. I felt rays of sisterhood pouring out me, I could seriously bond with this new mom. When we started talking more and sharing why we had to do IVF, of course I gave the speech about how there is no freeway system for the sperm in my body and no matter what we would of done the sperm wouldn't of mated with egg without some magic from the doctors. I expected her story to be similar, or one of the 10 reasons women have to have this done. But instead she said that 10 years earlier her first husband convinced her to have her tubes tied. They already had a kid and he didn't want another. They divorced and her new husband wanted his own baby. Her only option since the first doctor tied her tubes so well was IVF. Her story cut all sisterhood bonding with me. In my eyes, she took her perfectly healthy tubes, tubes that I dreamed off having and cut them! Then years later wanted to add to her already populated family. I judged her.

Now.. I take a look back at judgment and see how parallel it is to my feelings of guilt. Just like the bond of infertility has been broken between my blog friends I broke a bond because I stopped relating to that woman's journey. Both are wrong, but somehow seems inevitable because we are human.

We are constantly searching for people like us. People that understand us and "get us". We rarely allow the friends and connections to evolve when we step off the same path. And now that I am on the path of once infertile now soon to be mom who do I walk with?

Once an infertile always an infertile??

Maternity Photoshoot

This is my 100th blog post!!

So it's only fitting that my maternity pictures came in the mail today and I can share them with everyone!! We took these last week at the beach and I think they came out great. Looking forward to putting these up in the baby's room and being able to remember what a special time this was for me and the hubby.

Dogs are amazing.

If you have been reading this blog you have come to know I am somewhat obsessed with my dog, Darwin. He's been my best friend for the past three years. Always there when I need him and always willing to lick away tears or make me laugh. Just a great dog. I was reminded today of just how special dogs are when a video came into my email. I cried like a baby through it ( be warned ) but I feel so inspired by it.

The theme I most like about the video besides dogs are amazing is that you can't force things to conform. You have to let people/kids/dogs be who they are going to be. And sometimes the path they choose is more wonderful then you can ever imagine.

Pumping some iron

Well.. we had our first tiny bump in the road since the hyper-stimulation back in March. I got my blood test results from my glucose testing and the results came back that I am borderline anemic.

Surprisingly I am not too freaked out by this. I think it's because my Mom and little sister have had this at some time or another and I know it's not that big of deal. Well, it is a big deal but something that can easily be fixed.

I looked it up online and this is what I found out about anemia:

Anemia is a condition where the oxygen-carrying capacity of your blood is diminished.

If you are borderline anemic some of the symptoms you might be having include depression, fatigue, weakness, breathlessness, fainting, dizziness, nausea, inflamed or sore tongue, and headaches.

I have been experiencing some of those symptoms. Fatigue and breathlessness.. but those are also symptoms that occur in your third trimester. Hmmmm

After researching some more about how to combat this problem I found out what I need to be putting into my body.

Here is a list of foods that will also help build the blood:
Clams, oysters, legumes, tofu, organ meats, especially chicken liver, whole grains, black rice, beans, dark leafy greens, figs, seeds, nuts (especially almonds), eggs, rosehips, blackstrap molasses, and seaweeds such as kombu.

Foods that contain higher amounts of Folate are also encouraged:
Asparagus, barley, beef, brewers yeast, brown rice, cheese, chicken, dates, green leafy vegetables, lamb, lentils, legumes, liver, milk, oranges, split peas, root vegetables, salmon, tuna, wheat germ, and whole grains.

Let's see out of that entire list I like chicken, salmon, beans and nuts. The rest sounds like something you would feed me to torture me. So plan B. The doctor gave me a list of supplements to take which include iron tablets. The doctor also encouraged me to eat a steak once a week. Again, not my favorite thing in the world. I told her I would do it for the baby, because at this point the baby seems worth it. hahaha.

I did remind myself that this little bump is nothing. I have been so lucky to have a smooth pregnancy. I don't count the first month and a half with the hyper-stimulation, because that was apart of the IVF. In my pregnancy group I hear a lot of stories about how some women are really suffering through the 9 months and I just feel grateful I can't relate only support. Maybe this is my payday for having such a hard time conceiving?

So, if you have any recipes for iron rich meals or know of a good steak house that doesn't cost an arm and leg email me or comment below.

Time to start pumping some iron.

Hubby goes to the desert.

Every year the hubby makes his way to California to go camping in the middle of desert with his fraternity brothers. This tradition is over 20 years old and the hubby LOVES it. I don't see the appeal of camping in the desert.. extreme heat, smelly men, bad food and no shower. I however see the appeal of men being men and being able to connect once a year. This event is one of the reasons I love hubby so much. I love hubby's loyalty. He has kept 5 core friends from college and no matter the issue he is ALWAYS there for him. He usually only gets to see them once a year at this camping trip and yet the brotherhood between them is so strong they act like no time has ever passed. I adore this trip for him.

Before he left on his trip his buddies at the office were giving him grief. Saying that this would be the last trip he would be "allowed" to go on. After the baby is born he won't be able to go on the camping trip, they said the wife wouldn't let him go. Hubby came home relaying this message to me. We both laughed because it's so obvious that no one at his office really understands us.

I believe it's completely healthy and necessary for the hubby and I to have independence. It's one of the main attractions we have towards each other. To use words like "allow" makes marriage sound so suffocating and unpleasant to me.

Being able to spend time away from your core family and be with friends is so refreshing. It rebuilds you and reminds you of yourself. I am not saying the hubby and I are taking month long vacations away from each other. But camping trips with fraternity brothers and weekends to visit my girlfriends is a necessity to me.

I also take into account I have no idea what it's going to feel like to be a Mom. I know that it's not so cut and dry once you add a baby into the mix. But looking back on my childhood, I enjoyed when my parents dropped me off at the grandparents for the weekend or spending months in the summer with them. Having time spent away from my parents was exciting and I felt independent. I want my child to have that same feeling.

I know tonight when Darwin and I pick up hubby at the airport Darwin will squeal with delight and I will get a huge kiss and hug. Hubby will have two days worth of stories to tell and I will listening excitingly.

Plus, if you never leave how can you miss what you have?

Our Journey In Photos.

I made a small video about our journey so far. Meeting the hubby, to our wedding, honeymoon and our basic goal for the almost three years.. getting pregnant.

A New Day

I felt you this morning baby. You awoke me at 6 am. You were ready to start the day and I was ready to drift back to sleep trying to squeeze in one more hour. You were having none of that. Not even my hands stroking the belly would work to keep you still, which in the past always worked. A series of kicks and turns, I could feel and see. We waited in bed while Dad finished getting ready for work. When he was done, we both got kisses and then of course you settled down. I love feeling you baby, each kick or turn seems to fill this overflowing cup with happiness and satisfaction. Sometimes the reality of waiting another two months to hold you seems like a lifetime away. And then there are other times I want to keep you inside, protect you. But that would be selfish of me to keep you from your Daddy who seems just as eager to hold you. I love you more each day baby and your 6 am wake up calls are worth the lack of sleep.