I was a Disney princess for a day.

Just got back from our overnight trip from Prague. I really wish that I could take everyone I ever knew to Prague. What an amazing city, what an unexpected surprise. When your a little girl you play make believe and your the princess. There is an evil queen, a great land and a handsome prince. Prague is the backdrop to all those fantasies. I was walking into the real life version of Disney. The opening scene in Cinderella, the clock tower awakes her, that clock tower and castle in that movie is the every day apartment in Prague. Yesterday I was a grown up princess touring the city of dreams with my handsome prince.

* I am going to put the pictures in small font and if you want to see a larger version just click the picture and it will open a new tab with a larger version on the picture*

Traveling by train from Brno to Prague is about 3 hours. The trains offer private rooms and general seating areas. They also had a dinning car.Below is a picture of our morning breakfast on the train. In the Czech, beer is cheaper then water. When you sit down at a restaurant or bar tap water costs money and it costs more then a beer. They also serve a lot of Fanta, which I LOVE!


When we got to Prague we went straight to our hotel. Our hotel was on a quite street away from most of the high traffic tourist areas. We also got a HUGE deal on the room. 4 star hotel room for a 2 star price. I mean, come on, look at the bed!!

As I mentioned in an earlier post I am starting to feel very uncomfortable and walking on cobble stone streets just isn't the best thing ever for my pain tolerance. Luckily I married a travel master who could figure out the Czech subway system and we managed to get from one point of interest to the next without much confusion. The first thing we did was head straight to the Prague castle. It sits on top of a huge hill over looking the entire city. Took FOREVER to walk up since we were going at Melissa's super slow uncomfortable pace. The hubby would keep reminding me that it would be well worth the effort of the stairs and when we got to the top he was right. The view, the castle, the church inside the caste, the changing of the guard, the everything was amazing!
Steps leading up to the castle:
View from top of stairs before entering the castle square:

Me underneath an arch that leads to the church:
The church: (they still have mass every Sunday at this church)


From the church we walked down to Charles Bridge. Which is a very famous bridge. It was once the only bridge connecting Prague from one side to the other. Now the bridge is for pedestrians only and there are statues every where you turn. Each statue has its own meaning and history. There is a statue that you rub and make a wish, can you guess what I wished for? There are also street charts selling art and jewelry. When we were walking across I think I heard every language in world. The bridge is such a melting pot of tourist, locals, and hippies. I LOVED IT!

This is us at the end of the bridge with the castle and church behind us:

The bridge lead us into old town, which was my favorite part of Prague. It was a large square with two gothic style churches mirroring each other. Restaurants, pubs and street vendors line the rest of the square. We got there around dusk and had dinner, which was fantastic, because Czech food is fantastic! Do like pork and potatoes? You like Czech food. A fan of beer, you'll be a fan of Czech!


When we came out of dinner it was night and at night they light up the square. So beautiful.


After that we went back to the hotel and had good nights sleep. I think I passed out around 8pm. In the morning we had a nice breakfast visited the Jewish square and headed back to Brno. On the train back to Brno I was reminded again how small the world really is...we went to the dinning car and order a round of drinks. A couple next to us heard our American accents and asked where we where from. We said Seattle.. they said Boise!! Turns out the guy went to St. Mark's school too (years ahead of me) and is the cousin of one of Charlie's good friends from highschool! If you are from Boise and went to the Catholics schools in the area you can play the 'do you know this family' game forever, which we did. How odd to be on a train in the middle of the Czech Republic and run into someone from Boise?!?! This world is so small!

Now we are back in our apartment. Going to skype (call for free) the family which has been such a fun thing to be able to do while so far away. Tomorrow is our second appointment at the clinic. My thoughts are positive and I know everything will be great. Tomorrow will decide all the timing for the next two weeks. My heart is so ready for this and I feel a glow with the hope of it all. I can't believe that each day brings us closer and closer to having our baby.

Smuggling a watermelon

I am sitting in our living room awake at 3 am. I can hear the happy and blissful sounds of my husband sleeping in the other room. I am having no such luck. It's not really the time change that is keeping me up, well, maybe a little, it's this really uncomfortable feeling in my tummy. The medicine I am on is stimulating my ovaries to make them larger and produce more eggs well the only way I can describe the way this is making my body feel is to say, it feels like I am smuggling a watermelon under my skin. There is a lot of pressure. Almost like the feeling when have eaten way to much food. My other issue is that I am side sleeper, curled up in the fetal postilion with my tummy half on the mattress half curled up. Well, this doesn't really work anymore, putting more pressure on an already uncomfortable situation. What's a girl to do? Lay on my back? Yes, this feels the best. With my gut expanded, (so attractive) this feels so much better. But since I have never slept that way I am having trouble falling asleep like that. This is starting to sound like a pity party..I would take a couple sleepless nights and an uncomfortable tummy for what the final outcome will be. So, who needs sleep anyway. There is a coke in the fridge and 3 hour train ride to Prague tomorrow, I can sleep then.
Oh ya, we picked Prague as our destination. Taking the morning train and then overnighting at a hotel. I am really looking forward to this, Prague was the city the hubby wanted to go to on our honeymoon. And since he has been he is really excited to show me his favorite spots. Just looked at the weather, 80% chance of snow. These gothic cities look so beautiful with snow on them, so I am looking forward to walking the Charles Bridge surrounded by snow.. something kind of magical about that.
Will have to blog either late Sunday or early Monday.. until.. cross you fingers for me to sleep.

Friday in Brno part 2

We had some lunch, which was amazing! I feel I should take pictures of the food, because it's soooo good! I had steak, well pork steak and mashed potatoes and the hubby had chicken with potato pancakes. HELLO?!? Potato pancakes, delicious! My sister would LOVE these pancakes.

It was pouring rain today. But being the Seattle locals we are we could brave a few rain drops. Well, rain drops turned into rain puddles and then rain showers. So grateful for the hat hubby bought me for Valentine's Day. My hair is one big curl ball in this weather.

We walked about 3 miles to the enormous gothic church in the middle of old town Brno. The church, St. Peter and St. Paul Cathedral was built in the 14th century in place of a former Romanesque castle and church. There is a saying that once you have seen one church in Europe you have seen them all. So not true in Czech. The gothic features are just breathtaking. It's almost in a way overwhelming, and has a hint of menace. It has the look of the evil castle in Disney movies, the evil step mom will be at the entrance.


We strolled around the church taking it all in and then I found a door. Inside this old door was a staircase... and up we went.
A dozen flights later, vertigo and fear we made it to the top of the bell tower!

We had to pass this old wood bridge which I swear was built in the 14th century.

But it was SO worth it! The view was amazing!!






After the view we walked a little farther and decided to visit the crypts. My hubby and I are known to do things off the beaten path. On our honeymoon in Paris one of our favorite activities was going to the underground catacombs/crypts. So seeing crypts in Brno was a no brainier. The crypts were mostly for the monks and nobles of the city. They weren't mummified, they were simply laid to rest on the ground. But the air and natural vents in the area kept the bodies well persevered. It was truly fascinating.
Disclaimer: the photos below may not be for everyone. I will put them in small font.

Above the crypts the words read: "Tu Fui Ego Eris" which means "What you are, we were, what we are, you will be"





Now dinner, frozen pizza!

Friday in Brno.

It's 3:45am in the states and around noon here. We've already had our first appointment and lunch and now are trying to figure out what to do with the next two days. Our next doctors visit isn't until Monday so where should we go, what should we see? Go to Prague? Vienna? BudaPest? Guess we will see...

The appointment went well. It was very fast and efficient. There wasn't as many eggs growing as I was hoping for but like my hubby keeps telling me "positive thinking". They upped my dose of the medication which fingers crossed will help. When the two Czech nurses where trying to figure how much medication I had and how much I would need, I wish I had my flip camera with me. It was crazy just sitting there listening to the two woman talk Czech in a somewhat loud and assertive tone to each other. It was crazy.

Here's the picture of the clinic from the outside. It's very modern inside and beautiful.


I also took pictures of our amazing apartment. The camera doesn't do it justice, it's much larger then the pictures make it look.

The front hall way:

The toilet, which is not in the same room as the tub. The tub is on the other side of the apartment, so odd! And check out the yellow toilet paper!

The living room:

The bath/shower and vanity:

The kitchen:

Dinning room table and blog headquarters:

Our bedroom, which is the size of the living room, it's SO big!

I found this in the freezer. Europeans aren't very keen on ice cubes. Everything room temp. well this is how they keep the ice cubes.. in prepackaged ice balls. So silly and fanastic!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

I am writing this blog at the dining room table in our wonderful apartment in Brno while my hubby is trying to teach me some Czech words from our guide book. Hold on let me sigh, life is good right now.

Our trip to Brno was so very long, but we both had high spirits and after each leg of the journey we couldn't believe how fast it was going. It took us 18 hours to get here. I kept thinking about the movie 'Trains, Planes and Automobiles' and wondered between my hubby and myself who was Steve Martin and who was John Candy?


When we did arrive in Prague the excitement really started to build. No problems what so ever with bags or customs. The only problem we had the entire journey was in Paris when we had to go through security again and they wanted to see a doctors note for all my medication. (thank goodness I had one). But in Prague they just asked us why we were here. No stamps for the passports which bums me out. We got into a taxi and off to the train station we went. We had about an hour and half before our train to Brno and of course the train terminal wasn't enclosed and we were freezing! Of course the train was running late so we had to stand in the cold even longer.

I was going to be doing my medication on the train but since the train was running late I had to do it right there on the platform. I know this sounds crazy but the doctors our super strict about taking the medication at the same time everyday. So there I was in the freezing cold doing fertility injections. I think I scored badass points from my hubby, he seemed impressed. Pardon the picture below if you don't like needles or some belly fat.

The train ride to Brno was great. We had a whole cabin to ourselves. Three seats per side and luggage racks above our heads. The only issue was trying to stay awake so we wouldn't miss our stop and also to be able to sleep when we got to the apartment. We went through the country side of Czech and saw some very remote towns. It was beautiful with all the fresh powdery snow that seemed to just be a blanket over a sleeping town. Everything just has this very fairy tale look to it.. I feel like every building or town started by someone saying "Once upon a time..."

When we arrived in Brno we were met by a very energetic and spunky girl named Barbra. She drove us to the apartment and gave us the run down of what to except in the next couple of days. She seems really happy with us. We told her we didn't need much from her in regards to help around the city. We have been to Europe before and aren't afraid to explore. She seemed relieved by this, I guess most couples are more demanding then us. After she left we went to the local restaurant next door. Had amazing beer and even more amazing local food! And then put our heads down on our pillow and slept off those 18 hours of travel.

This afternoon we just walked around our neighborhood looking for a place to have lunch. There really isn't any English to help you out and the Czech language is SO different. It's not like when you are in France or Spain and you can remember enough high school French or Spanish to get by. Not here. It feels a little scary at first but my hubby puts in a real effort in trying to learn the basic greetings and beer lingo. The restaurant we tried, no english, no pictures to point at, nothing. But it wasn't a total loss, we could order the local beer. So we left there after our beers and found a place that had pictures.

We ordered two hamburgers and fries. While I was eating the burger, I was trying to figure out the meat inside. It was literally a HAM burger. This made me laugh, DUH!, "ham"burger. It was good and so were the fries. The guy behind the counter spoke no English but smiles are universal. I think he was just as amused by us as we were by the experience.


After our 'ham'burgers we did some more walking about the city. Climbed up a hill to look down over the city and just took it all in.


Here's a picture of the hubby trying to make sure we knew where to turn to next, plus you can see just hold cold it really is here.


I wish I had the nerve to pull out the camera when we went grocery shopping. First off it was really busy because this was the "super"market. So the American in me thought supermarket, BIG. Nope, it was about the size of our apartment here. Best thing about it was, when you buy fresh produce you weigh it and then the weigh machine prints out a coupon and you take that to the check out stand. SO COOL! We bought some stuff for a couple dinners and breakfasts. Felt very proud of us afterward.

Tomorrow, Friday, is my first appointment at the clinic. Looking forward to meeting all my doctors and seeing how the injections have been working. Then afterwards Barbra is going to give a tour of the city.

Now, international CNN, dinner and bed. Maybe we will sneak away and go to the pub next door.. why am I saying maybe on that one?

We're to excited to sleep!

Both the hubby and I had trouble sleeping last night. We were easily awakened by each others tossing about. I finally gave up at 5 and my hubby rolled over and said good morning, it felt like Christmas. I told him I was going to go down stairs and see if Santa came by last night. My poor dog really hates these early morning wake up calls lately and moaned while I gave him his morning potty break. Giving me a look like, 'seriously this early'. There is a great Disney commercial that is a family favorite and it really sums up my excitement. I found it on youtube this morning:




So away we go.. off to the unknown. Many miles to put down before we get there but those miles will go fast because I would rather go through the miles unknown then retrace the miles we have already been with infertility. I am no longer on the path that leads me to nowhere, no longer being passive in this search for life. There is calm to my heart where before there was chaos. The excitement is for the adventure and the hope is for the future.

The Magazine Stand & Me

Can't wait to walk around the airports and see this cover. I really like that Celine is open about her IVF, I have even blogged about this. But the last thing I need to see in large print while traveling to have IVF done is her 4 failed attempts. What really makes me upset is that I love to get People magazine when flying because the crossword in the back is a great distraction on a long flight.

Again it proves you can never escape infertility, it's always there. Not only in your thoughts but at the checkout counter, the airport, the mailbox.

The Human Pin Cushion

We are on day two of injections. So far, so good. It's a bit different then the follistim pin I used back in November, which I have to say I miss. I have a little more pain at the injection site then last time. I can't tell if it's because the needle is thicker or because there is more medication this time around. No side affects yet.

Today is a packing and laundry day. Getting the guest room ready for our friend who is staying at the house while we are gone. Darwin gets very sad when the luggage comes out. He knows when he sees those bags that someone is leaving. But, he loves our friend who is staying over. He brings his daughter and their little dog and have a mini vacation at our house. Makes my hubby and I very comforted to know the house and dog are in great hands.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone.
The Beatles were right "All You Need Is Love"

I loved you before I could have you.

I am so overwhelmed by the number of support cards and calls I have received the past couple of days. I honestly wasn't expecting any of this. Isolating myself and my experience in this process and then to open the cards and read the words from my family and friends just reminds that I am never alone and that this isn't just mine and my husband's experience but a collective one. I take this journey on the the wings of their wishes and hopes and am comforted to be loved so fully.

The first injection starts tomorrow and I can't decide if it's the beginning or the end. It's the beginning of IVF but the end of waiting, the end of trying everything else. Closing the book but starting the sequel.

I have been thinking about childrens books lately. I am so drawn to the kids section in the bookstore. In my line of work I have more then likely read every kids book ever written. I can recite some in my head and some I can tell you the title with my eyes closed, just the feel of the raised pictures. One of my favorites is a book written by Jamie Lee Curtis called 'Tell me about the night I was born'. In the book Jamie is explaining how she adopted her daughter and the night she was born. It's a breathtaking book about adoption and I always tear up reading it. It makes me think about my future child and what I will tell him/her about how we were able to have them. What will I say?

I know I will tell my children that I loved them before I could have them. That I searched for them for years and that I never lost hope of finding them. That I could feel the weight of their bodies in my arms before I ever held them. And that everyday I woke up with them on my mind and fell asleep dreaming of them. My children may need science to get into this world but they have been in my heart forever.

The Flip

Finally learned how to use my flip camera I got 2 years ago. My husband can speak geek and he translates for me. So he taught me how to upload videos and save them on the mac. So I will take the flip with me to Czech. Show the hospital, apartment and all that jazz.

The Waiting Room

Today starts the waiting game. Yesterday was my last day of active birth control pills. Yes, I know it's crazy to be on birth control when your trying to conceive but it helps regulate the cycle and helps the doctor manipulate when he wants the cycle to start. But to make it more complicated, for the last couple of days I have been on a medication to help my period start. Well, to me that was silly, just stop the birth control. But I don't have a PhD in fertility science so I do as I am told. So let the waiting begin!

Plus One Run

Had a sushi lunch with my girlfriend Annie the other day. She mentioned she was starting a blog about running. She told me her idea and I thought it was wonderful! Basically each week she runs with a new person. Kind of social networking meets exercise meets Annie's biting humor. I don't think very many people follow my blog but for those who do you should check her out. I think her humor and social insight will win you over like it did me years ago!

http://plusonerun.blogspot.com

lucky number 13?

The number 13 is haunting my brain. It's a drive by thought that just shouts at my mind 13. It yells at me "TIME TO START FREAKING OUT"!! Seriously, 13 days?!?! Someone pass this a girl a stiff drink and a paper bag to breathe in. Last night I told my husband the countdown number. Both of us just make this sort of sigh sound when presented with the fact we are close to leaving. Neither one of us has even begun to process the reality of it all. I know it's some sort of defensive stance our brain is making. To really process this would almost be to much. There are so many factors and if you don't numb out some of them you could go crazy. There are thoughts that flow in that I have to ignore. I'm scared. Scared of the what ifs, the medicine, the surgery, the unknown, the possibilities both good and bad. I have to do my best to ignore my fear and go on with my day or else I would be in the corner of this room rocking back and forth, like a crazy person. It's never to early for a drink, that's why they invented the greyhound and screwdriver, right?

Speaking of early morning drinking I have some photos from our Caribbean trip!

My family: My little sister Charlie. My parents, David and Tammy. It's crazy how much I love them!



The Girls : My Mom, sister, and Aunt Krista!




Hubby and I, he puts up with all my crazy.



My sister's boyfriend Tony. Since they have been dating since the 3rd grade, he really is my brother now. I love him.



My Dad and I. He is holding a sting ray! It was so crazy!



Can't tell these three are related. Dad, Charlie and me on board the sail boat we took to find sting rays, coral and rum!




It was an amazing trip. One of my favorites and just what the hubby I needed before the baby making trip.

13 DAYS!!!

Infertility and seat 22B

We are home from our trip to the Caribbean. My Mom is amazing and pulled off another successful cruise full of great music and great people. I got on the boat early again this year with Patty to help get things ready for the big event. I really enjoyed my time with Patty. She's been second mom type in my life for almost 15 plus years, but as I get older I see her more as my friend, which makes me smile.

On our flight home the row next to us had a dad and maybe a 5 month old baby girl. The baby was a twin, Mom was a couple seats ahead with the sister. Through out the flight they would switch babies, one was far more easy going and you could see why they traded. One twin would sleep and cuddle and the other one would scream, throw things and just cause utter panic in each parent. I watched this scene through out the 5 hour flight, my eyes at times would tear up. The longing in my heart was overwhelming. It felt like that was suppose to be me, I was watching someone else playing me. To watch my made for TV movie without me as the lead actress was just to much to bear. Disembarked the plane, watched the couple with their matching strollers take off to baggage claim. They had their babies in their arms when they arrived in Seattle, I had to get in the towncar and wait to see mine. My four legged, long nosed, hairy baby was waiting for me at my house. And his licks and cries let me know he missed his Mommy.

The sunshine is calling!!

Well, I am packing for our annual trip to the Caribbean! This will be the 17th annual Concerts at Sea that my Mom produces. Yes, she is super woman! Looking forward to spending time with family and friends while helping Mom get her shows going. This will be a great break for the hubby and I before the main event happens in a couple of weeks. Get our sun and drink on while we can!

www.concertsatsea.com

Here's a picture of me two years ago. My husband convinced me to get scooters and explore Grand Cayman. I was so reluctant at first. Heard all my Mom's horror stories of her clients getting broken arms and legs on them. But I did it, looked like the biggest loser in my helmet and had a GREAT time. Sometimes it takes someone special to get you out of your box, makes you do something you wouldn't. I am lucky to have married that person.

Catelynn.

So today I ended up watching Teen Mom on MTV while I was eating my lunch. The show pisses me off to no end, not because they are teen moms and I am not an adult mom but because the girls are so DUMB! Except for one girl, Catelynn. Catelynn was 16 when she got pregnant and made the brave choice to give her baby up for adoption. Her story is so heart braking. She didn't get any support from her parents and they continue even after the adoption to question her decision. I am amazed at how she rises above the ashes like a phoenix and she moves on with her life the best she can. In the episode I just watched she seems to be getting into a deep depression over her decision and desire to have contact with her baby. Her adoption agency made available a weekend retreat with other birth moms. After watching Catelynn have numerous a-ha moments through out the weekend it made me come up with one too. Catelynn said that after that weekend she felt bonded with the other girls. That she now knows that when she was on that table giving birth and when she gave her baby up she wasn't alone. That all the birth moms were there with her too. I started to cry and as the tears came down I knew she was right. It was a light bulb moment. Every time I laid on that table and was pinched and poked and every time I shot myself up with drugs I wasn't the only one doing that same thing. I wasn't alone. I don't feel Catelynn's story and my story are that different. The same way women who have had babies, women who have lost babies and women who can't have them but desire them are all the same. Motherhood is the link. A link between women. I need to remember that in the future. I am not alone, we are all connected in this.

I found the youtube video of the adoption...

Buying Drugs.

Today I bought drugs. Of course they were fertility drugs and not something super fun or illegal. They did however almost brake my credit card buying them. So unfair to spend that kind of money on medication instead of Louis Vuitton luggage (said in my mother in laws French accent, I love the way she says Louis Vuitton) I did however find it funny that I was buying drugs and my itunes started playing Bob Marley. I had to remind my computer that Gonal F injections is nothing like smoking on the hash pipe. And I kid you not, my itunes random mode starting playing 'Cocaine' by Eric Clapton. I swear itunes reads my thoughts sometimes.

Jagged Little Pill

About a year and a half ago there were tons of news stories about the need for women thinking about getting pregnant and women who were pregnant to get enough folic acid. New studies showed that women who took folic acid before conception had a lower risk of having a child with brain and heart issues. Easiest way to get the recommended folic acid is taking a prenatal vitamin. So at that time I got a daily dose prenatal 375 count bottle. Noticed changes right away, hair grew faster, nails grew fast. Nails grew so fast and long I am no longer a nail biter. I get manicures now because of prenatals.

It seems with everything fertility, emotions run the extreme. Its been days since I felt blue. I am getting closer to IVF and my hubby and I are taking long walks, eating better. New year, new start to life kind of thing. Yesterday was my last pill out of my 375 pill daily dose bottle of prenatals. And it just hit me. 375 days. 375 days of my life dealing with this awful mess of infertility. I bought a new bottle and as I opened it I stared at the number big and bold 3 7 5. When I bought the first bottle I thought it would last me into pregnancy, into lactation. Never into another bottle without a baby. It just hits you straight into the heart..you were fine one moment, making eggs.. you grab the vitamins like you do every morning and then WHAM! infertility slaps you across your face. Its something that takes you out of normal moments, it steals your little happiness's and makes you remember a part of you is missing. Its so difficult because my life goes on, my life will go on with or without child but I don't know how to block out these feeling and sometimes I forget what it was like to be "normal". It's hard to remember days that weren't plagued by infertility. I wish for peace, I wish my thoughts had peace.

"I wish I had a river I could skate away on, I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly" - Joni Mitchell.

45 days and counting

Yes I know... freaking crazy! 45 days tell I put my infertile butt on a plane and try our hand at IVF!! I don't think this reality has set in just yet. Kind of like my parents moving to Florida this spring, it won't be real until I visit their new home in Florida. I don't think this amazing trip will feel real until I step onto the plane.

I have been working with my case worker, Kayleen at My IVF Alternative. She is very supportive and answers all my silly questions. What I really like about My IVF Alternative is how well organized and planned out everything has been. They are a well oiled machine. And the owner and the case workers have all been through IVF in the Czech Republic. Kayleen got twin girls out of her experience! They have been where I am and their stories and support mean so much to me.

Kayleen is in direct contact with my doctor in Brno. Two days ago they emailed me my protocol. Lots of information! Now on Monday I will either drive to Canada to get my meds or order them online. Need to do a little more research on which is the most affordable.

Now off to give my stinky dog Darwin his bath. =)

What I learned in 2009

I have never been one to celebrate the new year. I don't have the best track record with the holiday. Example: showing up to a party not knowing it was a costume party, but no one noticed I wasn't in costume, I guess my skirt was just that eccentric. One year I went to a party and in front of complete strangers I fell down the porch stairs in the snow. I had a wet butt and was known through out the evening as the girl who fell down. Or the year I was stood up and spent the evening watching Sex and the City reruns at my parents house. So for the past 4 or 5 years I spent the new year at home, safe from falling and costume parties. Last night was no exception and it was wonderful.

With all the end of the year count downs. Year's most amazing news stories, top movies and songs. I can't help but reflect on what 2009 has meant to me. I keep wondering if 2009 is just the year plagued with infertility or are their other things that I will look back on? Here's what I came up with:

-2009 is the year I looked into the mirror and realized it will take more then just light concealer to hide the black circles that magically appeared under my eyes this year.

-2009 is the year the lady behind the make up desk asked what my anti-aging regiment was at night. I told her I didn't have one. She gave me a very cynical glare and asked if I was just waiting for the wrinkles to appear?

-2009 is the year I learned owning a dog in Seattle is about the same cost equivalent as having a child in my home town of Boise, Idaho.

-2009 is the year I learned that when your best friend has a baby you have extra space in your heart for their baby and and that their happiness is contagious.

-2009 is the year my husband and I got to have to ourselves.

-2009 is the year I learned my pain tolerance not only for physical pain but emotional pain is larger then I could of even imagined. I never gave myself credit for how strong I am until 2009.

But I think the most important thing I learned in 2009 is that life isn't always fair, you sometimes get the short end of the stick but if your lucky enough to have an amazing husband, beloved family and friends somehow you get by...

As for 2010, I hope for tears of joy and peace with whatever happens.