She's Crawling

10 months old and crawling. Took her longer then most but once she got it....she got it perfectly! Couldn't be more proud.

Wordless Wednesday

Feelings Hurt.

I get together with my mommy friends a lot during the week. It's fun to get together, share stories, ask advice, laugh and just get out of the house. It's an amazing support group and I am lucky to have found them.

But after leaving a meeting this week I got in my car and started to cry. My feelings were hurt. My infertile feelings had their heart broken. And it's crazy that they still can be broken even after my success.

Again, my new friends were talking about when they were going to try for baby number two. And with absolute certainty they knew they would get pregnant. Not only would they get pregnant they knew what month they would. How could they be so sure about this? Because it worked for their first baby. One mother boosted about how she got off the pill and the next week she was pregnant. Or another added she knows the moment she's ovulating. I heard statements like this: "We are getting pregnant in January so we can have a September baby."

I got in the car after listening to that conversation and cried. My feelings were hurt because I was jealous. I was jealous of their conviction, their ease for their first baby and I was jealous they were having more babies. I started getting sad for all my blog friends who are still in the throws off infertility and for those having adoption issues. So many childless mothers out there unable to make statements like these ladies could.

I just wish every woman could be so certain.

Getting To Know You

If you were to peek inside my head you see a movie musical. Everyday a word or a phrase will have my memory bank search for a song in a musical and off I go either singing in my head or usually singing out loud. My family and friends will testify to this. It's strange but I am just wired this way.

So while Jules was sleeping in my arms I started thinking... I am really getting good at reading her cues. I think I may have some sort of grip on her personality. Which then triggered the musical 'The King and I' and the song Getting to Know You. Music below:


There are certain things that Jules must have:

*She must be asleep by 8pm or Rosemary's baby comes out.

*After sleeping for 11 hours she must eat IMMEDIATELY, do not pass go, don't collect $200 get that girl a bottle. Don't even think about changing her diaper first, she wants food!

*Jules will need a nap one hour after waking up. Doesn't matter if she woke at 6am or 7am, one hour from the moment she woke up, she needs to nap

*She wants to cuddle. She wants to curl up on my chest and hold my hand.

*If your holding her, she wants eye contact. She loves to 'talk' and have someone talk back to her.

*She loves to go on car rides, but the car must be moving at all times. She has no patience for stop lights or traffic.

*She doesn't have a full laugh yet, but smiles at almost everything

*Her favorite toy is Monkey. Monkey must know all her secrets cause she is always talking to him.

*Jules is very easy going, rarely cries, independent (meaning she likes to hang out by herself in her crib, looking and talking to her toys)

*Jules is easy going because she likes the house to be calm and peaceful. She doesn't like people to hold her that are high strung or nervous. She's zen. =)

*She is at her happiest when both Mommy and Daddy are home and we are all just hanging out.

I love getting to know her more everyday, because everyday she shows me something new. It is amazing that at only 3 months she has such a personality. I hope she stays this sweet into her teen years! hahaha

say cheese.

Juliette is the cheese to my macaroni.

This time last year...

I was struck by a thought a couple of days ago while on a walk with hubby, Jules & Darwin. This time last year we were in the Czech Republic! I went back to old blog posts and reread them. Wow, I can't believe it's been a year...it seems like a lifetime away. This exact date last year hubby and I were wondering around a small town in the middle of Europe. I was in full needle and shot mode and about to have my retrieval.

My mind is somewhat blown by this. It takes me right back to that time and its hard to process it all. I am so grateful we had that experience and were able to find a company that could help us. It was the best decision/google search I ever did!

Here's us last year toasting the IVF process in Brno, Czech Republic!


Nine months later:


What a difference a year makes.

Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here

My goal this week ( a very odd one at that ) cook all our meals this week using our crock pot!

Yes, crazy.. silly.. weird.

But if you came to my house between the hours of 5 and 7 pm you would see why I would attempt such a thing. First off, hubby comes home *the heavens open and the angels sing* Yes, daddy is home to take Juliette into his arms and leave mommy on the couch to catch her breath. Two minutes later the dog is going crazy wanting attention or a walk. Juliette starts to scream for her bottle and oh my goodness it's time to make dinner. It's a one - two punch of crazy.


Dinner?!?! Did someone say dinner? You mean it's time to learn how to juggle both wife and mother roles now? What would Mrs. Cleaver do? "Ward, call the Beaver in for dinner now"
Who names their kid Beaver anyway??

So I am planning four meals in my crock pot. It would be five but my dad is coming to visit us and he hates the crock pot so I will let him take me out to dinner. =)

I know what your thinking, the crock pot can only make roast beef....

WELL YOU ARE WRONG!

I found this blog about a woman who used her crock pot every day for a year. Pulled some recipes from there and off we go. I am looking forward to a stress free 5 to 7! Wish me luck, wish my husbands belly luck!


http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

The Shot Heard Around The World

I have witnessed and experienced the deepest level of misery EVER..a baby who is sick! And not just any baby, MY BABY! I can't remember anything being more upsetting then holding Jules the past two days when she is clearly miserable.

She had her first round of shots on Wednesday. Three shots and one liquid dose. I have been dreading this appointment since we took her home from the hospital. I made the appointment around hubby's lunch time because there was no way I was going to be the only one going to be put through parent hell. Plus I would need him there in case I had to leave the room. When I was younger my mom would take me to my sisters vaccination appointments and I would have to wait in the lobby because I was crying so hard. I hated the thought of someone giving my sister a shot and now I had to live through someone giving my little baby one! And not just one shot THREE shots! SOMEONE HAVE MERCY ON US! And just to add insult to injury, Jules and I were coming down with a very mild cold. So things were not looking up for us.

The well baby appointment went well. Jules is healthy, happy and growing just perfectly. In fact she is off the charts in height!! My little super model. The whole time our pediatrician is telling us all these glowing things about Jules all I could think about was... when does she pull out the needles? Again, thank goodness hubby was there to listen to the doctor because my mind was on something else!

What a smart doctor we have, she doesn't give the shots. She has the nurse do it. Why be the bad guy?!? So in walks the little Russian nurse to poke my little angel.

We had to stretch out Juliette on the bed and help hold down her legs. Yes, can you imagine this?!?! ITS PURE TORTURE! Why hasn't someone invented immunizations that can be given in a lolly pop?

Here we go... the moment of truth...

First shot clearly pisses off Juliette as she slowly realizes what just happened to her. Second shot, like a bullet to the heart she is unhappy. By the third and final shot Juliette's face gets the color of a red I have never seen before. Oh all things holy this girl is going to blow!!!!

And she did... the tears came, the scream.

Someone just shoot me now!

I grab her up into my arms and try my hardest not cry. Don't show her how much it pains me to see her in pain. Keep my energy happy and soothing. (that's what I am trying to do but I don't think that's how I came across) At this point I can't tell if she is still upset about the shots or the fact I am squeezing her to death.

She is calm now and able to be placed back into her car seat. I get her into the car. I am even able to run an errand to the grocery store. We get home we lay down on the couch together and take a nice long nap. Ahhhhh, peace.

And then we enter the twilight zone.

Ohhhhhh the fussiness was just so miserable. There was really nothing I could do to make it better. She got a low grade fever and just needed her mommy. Poor hubby came home to find her crying and me crying. I just couldn't stand that I couldn't sooth her.

This went on and off for two days.

We are fine now... and really Jules wasn't "that" bad but it was a new low for me. I just physically couldn't stand her being unhappy. It broke my heart. And this was just a low grade fever and cold.

And here's the big problem, she is only going to get more colds, more vaccinations as she grows. ARGH!

This parenthood business is tough! T O U G H!

My Valentine

I never really celebrated Valentines Day. Well, that's not true.. my mom ALWAYS celebrates and every February 14th I would wake up and find a Valentines gift from her. Usually a basket filled with sweets, maybe a cd and for some reason funny underwear & socks.

I guess I should say I never really celebrated Valentines day with someone other then my Mom. Kind of like St. Patrick's day...seems silly to venture out with all the people and try to force romance on the same day EVERYONE else is too. Hubby and I exchange cards, eat dinner at home and call each other Valentine, that's the extant of the day for us.

But now there is Jules in the picture. And it got me thinking, I am Jules Valentine just like my Mom was to me. I want to make Jules feels as special as I feel when my Mom celebrated me. Yes, she is only 12 weeks old but that doesn't mean we can't start our traditions now.

Juliette is the true definition love. She will be forever and always my Valentine. xoxo

Bedtime Routine!

*Don't worry she doesn't sleep with anything in her crib, I just had those in there while I was cleaning*





A new world has just opened up to me, it's 8pm and my daughter is in her crib, in her nursery... alone. Juliette has started a new bed time routine and I couldn't be more thrilled. (honestly, a little sad too, she's getting to be a big girl)

She starts to get super cranky around 7:15pm, that's where the routine kicks in. Every three days we start with bath. Unfortunately with her eczema issues she doesn't get nightly bathes, which is sad cause I love giving her a bath. But it's better for her skin to soak less often and just get a wet wash cloth on areas that need cleaning. Then we have a routine of lotion, lotion, lotion. She gets lathered down and into her PJs. Then it's feeding time.

I swaddle her up and place her into her crib with a pacifier. Turn her sound machine on and humidifier and let her sooth herself to sleep. I haven't been rocking her to sleep for five days now and she's doing great! Only needing a couple of gentle touches and encouraging words.

Ready for the truly amazing thing: She goes down at 8pm and wakes at 7:30am!! Crazy, I know. Now she does need some pacifier help around 5am, but that's fine by me.

It's bitter sweet. I am sad she isn't in the co sleeper right next to me anymore but it's also fantastic that hubby and I have time together in the evening. It's sad I don't rock her in the dim light of her nursery and watch her drift off to dreamland, but I indulge and let her sleep on me during her naps. *haven't broken that habit yet*

Juliette and I napping on the couch:
So many people come up to you when you have a new baby and say "it goes by so fast" as if to tell me to embrace the moments because you blink and they are gone. I really don't need anyone to tell me this. My heart hurts and is overjoyed all at the same time when Juliette makes it to a new milestone. It's sad she keeps growing yet I can't wait to see who she becomes. It just goes by so fast... so fast.

Some pictures from the past couple of weeks...

Worth The Wait

This hat was given to us by a good friend. It seriously couldn't be more true. Juliette was worth the wait. She was worth the struggle, the tears, years of doctor visits, needles and a cross the world visit. She is just perfect to me. I hold her during her late night feeding, just her and I. Sitting in our glider, I watch her half awake feeding and I am always overwhelmed how something so small can have my whole heart.

I imagined that I would love her but I could of never imagined how deep that love really goes. How every little cough, little scratch can have your head spinning. How you wake up three, four times a night to check her breathing. How a full day will go by and all you did was stare at her. You question everything, "am I doing this right" "is she too cold" "is she to hot" "should we do this instead of that" There is a constant state of worry. Yet, when she sees you walk into a room and her eyes light up and a huge smile appears on her face all those question take a back burner and you melt. She has you, she has you wrapped around her finger. There is no turning back now; hubby and I are eternally smitten by her.

The Smile

Had to share my favorite new photo... this girl can melt my heart with her smile. This is Jules watching her mommy do laundry. I am happy to be her entertainment.

Road Trip!

Hubby and I are so lucky to have his parents living in road trip range. They are in Portland and we are in Seattle. About a 3 hour drive without traffic. So we decided to spend the weekend with them. We wanted Jules to have time with her grandparents and we wanted to have my mother in laws cooking! Hubby and I adore her cooking!!

There really isn't anything like a love a grandparent has for their grandchildren. I can see it in the way my parents react to Jules and I can see it in hubby's parents eyes too. There is an amazing bond between them. There is a friendship, unending love and lots of and lots of kisses.

My favorite quote about grandkids and grandparents:

"the reason grandparents and grandkids get along so well is because they have a common enemy"

Juliette and her Gran & Pop. Lots of love right there.


On the way home, slept the whole way!!

A trip to the doctors

You now what I really don't like about motherhood? When the baby is sick or something is wrong and you have NO IDEA how to fix it. It is so heartbraking.

Juliette has had bad skin from the beginning. And honestly, she comes by it naturally. On my side of the family we all have very sensitive skin. There are also common skin conditions on my side as well. So it really wasn't a surprise to me when Juliette started showing signs of skin irritation. First it was the baby acne, which is so common in newborns. Then is was the extreme dry skin and then the cradle cap. All things that other babies I know where going through or had made it through. But with Jules, some of the common skin conditions just seemed to be lingering longer then the other babies. All the above mentioned things pass within a couple of weeks but Jules just keeps getting worse. I have tried so many methods to improve her skin but nothing really helps. Well, last night I noticed her neck was a lot more irritated then usual. I finally threw up my hands and said I am taking her to the doctor, much to the dismay of hubby. But luckily, he saw the helpless mother look in my eyes and didn't argue with my need to see a doctor.

So off to the doctor we go this morning....Jules clocked in at 13 pounds and 13 ounces! She also has eczema on her face and behind her ears. Behind her ears will actually need antibiotics at this point. She also has to have anti fungal cream under her chin, inside her neck folds.(super gross) Jules is a big girl, so her little fat rolls get irritated and moisture loves to live in those areas. And then she needs special lotion for her face because of the eczema.

The doctor reassured me that her case is on the minor side and that it will be all under control soon. The neck thing will clear when Jules can start holding her head and getting air in there more. And the eczema might have flare ups on and off but we can manage those with lotions and TLC.

It just stinks, because I don't want her to be in any discomfort. She doesn't seem to be but it's not like she can talk to me and tell me if it's bothering her. She's such a happy baby...so that leads me to believe she's not in any pain.

I will let you know how all the new creams and bath regime help. Doctor said it should clear within the week.

On a side note:
Tonight I have my first 'ladies night out'!! No baby, no husband!!! Last night as Juliette was 'having a moment' and unable to get to her happy place. Hubby reminded me that I had ladies night and that soon I would have a break, haha =) Made that little fussy spell she was having a little more bearable!

10 weeks!

There is a new lease on life once your baby starts to get into a sleep routine. In my mommy group I can see the desperate faces of the new mommies. I know they aren't getting more then 3 hours of sleep at a time and I know most if not all don't have their mother staying with them like I did. How fortunate was I?!?! I can remember that feeling, no matter how many times someone with an older baby would tell me that it would get better. I didn't believe them. How could you believe anything anyone said to you when you are so sleepy you don't know which way is up? Now I am that mother giving out that advice, "don't worry, it won't last forever". The new mom's eyes stare blankly at you, all you can do is just give them a hug and a coffee.

Juliette is starting to get into a routine of sleep. We start off with a nice warm bath (every other night, her skin gets to dry if we do this daily). Both hubby and I enjoy this and Jules just sits there like she is getting a spa treatment. Hubby and I have our jobs during this bath. Me at the top working on the hair, neck and face. While hubby uses a little cup and pours water on parts not submerged in the water. He wants to keep her warm. He also is the towel guy and lotions and dresses her for bed every night. I love watching him be so gentle and affectionate to her. After that she gets a warm bottle in the rocking chair with mom which puts her to sleep. Up to the nursery she goes, a quick swaddle and off to dream land she goes. Now I would be lying if I said this routine goes smoothly every night. I would say its nice and smooth 80% of the time and to me that's pretty impressive. Jules will go down between 9:30 pm and 10 pm and sleep until 3:30am to 4am, she will take a bottle and go right back down and usually sleep until 7am. Can't beat that.

It's oddly bittersweet. She is transitioning out of the 'newborn' stage and is becoming a baby. I know sounds silly, whats the difference between a newborn and a baby? It's a world of difference, not just sleep wise but emotional wise and the behavior difference is amazing. Its hard to watch her graduate into 3 month old clothing. I found myself holding onto some of her newborn clothes. Putting them in a box for safe keeping. When I hold them up I can't image her being so little and I know I will continue to marvel at her rapid growth daily.

The biggest difference between the newborn Juliette and the 10 week old Juliette is her ability to recognize me and hubby. To have her look at you after you have been away and see her face light up is pure joy. She focuses on your face, she tries to mimic your smile. She is intrigued with the way we talk and make noises. Its fascinating! You really start to bond and connect with her more because she's starting to show you her personality. And the feeling of her bonding with you is overwhelming. To hear her cry out for YOU and for YOU to be the one to be able to sooth her, it slays your heart.

Time After Time

I don't have time to blog at the moment. That's the story of my life right now, 'I don't have time'. Where did time go? Hows does time go by so fast? And when will I have time for myself? Oh time, you are a devilish thing, your here.. but not really.

But, little Jules is growing like a weed. Smiles, smiles and more smiles. Hubby and I are working on getting her to laugh. Don't worry I have a camera with me at all times to catch any laughs or sounds that may come from her.

Until I find time here are some updated pictures:

She's a very happy girl in the morning:


The deep thinker that is Juliette:


And my personal favorite picture of her, she is giving that sly smile and wearing the cutest hat EVER:

Cause baby your a firework

I thought after pregnancy my hormone levels would go back to "normal". But I seem to be a bigger sap then ever before. Case in point: the radio.

There is a new song by Katy Perry called 'firework' and everytime I hear it I start to cry. I start to think of Juliette and how special she is and how great the road ahead of her is going to be.... and I can't help myself, the tears just come.

She can't even sit up by herself yet and I have all these feelings about her growing up and becoming her own person. I imagine such amazing things for her and I just can't believe I get a front row seat. It's overwhelming this love inside of me.

Double Scoop Of Inspiration

As you know I have been really inspired by some of the blogs that I read. I have about four that I follow. 3 out of the 4 about infertility and one is a weight loss journey blog. All these blogs I feel a deep interest in. I have never met any of the ladies but feel a connection to them on this weird blog level.

I was reading a blog post the other day and I was moved to tears. Tears of pure and utter joy. As soon as a read the header I knew I would have the desire to share it with people I know. The blogger writes with a fantastic flow and it draws you right in.

She made and amazing 'music video' with her husband about her IVF experience. It's hard for me to personally watch. It brings up a lot of emotions but 'wow' it is such a true representation of the IVF experience. It just really moves me. She has a lot of readers and I know its not easy sharing a personal story but it helps so many people. Maybe someone will see it on my page and find hope. I know I found hope in her blog. Watch the video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Emsh4BzBRbU&feature=player_embedded

After watching the video you will want to read her latest entry on her new blog. http://www.mytwolines.blogspot.com/

My Darwin Walking Suit

It has snowed in Seattle. Winter doesn't seem to be leaving anytime soon. So that means Juliette and I have to walk the dog in the cold. Here's what we have come up with do it in warmth and style.

Juliette in her snow suit. Or as I call it her Randy suit. You know Randy from a Christmas Story. The mom packed him so tight into the snowsuit he coulding put his arms down!


My end of the deal. The torture device they call a baby carrier. Have yet to master the art of picking up after Darwin with Juliette strapped to me like this.


No excuse now not to walk Darwin. Oh yay!

11 Steps

This was posted in my mommy group.. it made me laugh. Because it is SO TRUE!!

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids.

by Amy Lawrence

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.


Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 2AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 3AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 3:45AM.

7. Get up at 5AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 6AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)


Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?


Lesson 5


Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.


Lesson 6


Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.